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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me see him for who and what he is

4 replies

Estherbythesea · 11/01/2021 15:06

I feel strong right now, but I often don’t. The first time he hit me I thought I was dreaming. I remember I stood there blinking for almost a minute after as he walked ahead. For a second, I told myself that he didn’t mean to do it; he must’ve been gesturing to something and I was in the way. Until he turned around and screamed again, and I saw it in his eyes.

He became my demons and my peace all wrapped into one. How does that work? When the person who causes all your pain is the only one you think can wipe it all away. I found myself running away from one part of him just to be held by his other half.

I never thought my life could end up like this. I look outside my window now and I see birds flying by, wishing I could fly away so carefree. But he will haunt me. I can’t afford to leave right now, to go back to my home country. Even back home there is no one to welcome me, no easy shelter to be had.

Today he is back to being nasty, out of nowhere. He asked me if I had seen his webcam, and I told him I hadn’t. That has led to insults and the banging of doors and things that makes me jump out of my skin. To make matters worse, we might both have Covid. I’m not supposed to go anywhere, even for a walk.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/01/2021 15:10

You should contact Women's Aid - they can help you. Obviously if you have Covid you can't leave but you really have to call the police if he threatens you or hits you again.

Register your phone so that you can text 999 - that would be safer than calling. This is how you do it:

Firstly, you must register your mobile phone number with emergency services before you can request help via text.
Send the word 'register' in an SMS message to 999.
You will then receive SMS messages about the service.
When you have read these SMS messages reply by sending 'yes' in an SMS message to 999.

Aahotep · 11/01/2021 15:11

Call Women's Aid today, they can get you out and get you back on your feet.
You are not alone

Eckhart · 11/01/2021 18:15

He became my demons and my peace all wrapped into one. How does that work? When the person who causes all your pain is the only one you think can wipe it all away. I found myself running away from one part of him just to be held by his other half

It's called a trauma bond. You can google the phrase to learn about it. It's a recognised thing. Many people get stuck like this. It doesn't happen unless there's an alternating cycle of abuse/love. Abusers use this cycle to keep their victims held. There will be a way out. Contact Women's Aid. They will know what to do.

Bree25 · 11/01/2021 22:34

Leave him it will only get worse don’t put yourself through this

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