I just need someone to talk to.

[TeaBookcats]

Good morning,

I feel very alone at the moment and some support will be greatly appreciated.

I'm 28, I've been with my partner for 3 years. I've wanted to start a family for some time now. He has a planned child from his last relationship, we have her every weekend, she's 7.

After lots of talk we decided to try for a baby and I fell pregnant shortly after. I'm now 6 weeks. We had an argument this weekend and he mentioned breaking up. He said here are two options, I have an abortion and we break up or we stay together and make it work. I was upset that he even suggested this. He said that I have ruined his life and he didn't even know I wasn't taken the pill. Which isn't true. He said he will never forgive me if we break up and he would potentially resent the child.

My emotions are running high. He knows all I've wanted is a baby, I do so much for his little girl. My parents died and I don't really have anyone to turn to. I'm so upset.

Apparently, I'm also anxious about something (which I am). I do know I can moan a lot. I really do so much for his little one. He was supportive with his last partner.

I forgot I add that he said he would go on a limited company so I wouldn't be able to claim any money. I've never mentioned anything about getting money from him.

*always anxious about something

I'm doubting my ability to be a mother. I'm so lost and upset. He gets annoyed if I'm down but sometimes I just have so much going on in my head.

I say keep the baby as this is something you really want. He would legally have to support you financially regardless of whether you stay together.

Thank you. I'm doubting my abilities but I've had so much experience with babies, It will be a struggle but I can finically support myself. I’ve got a good job.

It’s nice to read some advice. I’ve been through a lot on my own so hopefully, I can do this.

It doesn't sound like he is being nurturing and supportive towards you so you may need to accept that the relationship is over. Your choices are to go it alone with the baby which could be wonderful but you will be tied to him forever or abort and clean break work on your anxiety and as you are young you have lots of time to start a family with a loving partner. It is a really hard choice but it is not you causing this, he could be kind and loving. You are showing maturity over this and awareness of the choices so I am sure whether it is now or in the future you will be a great mother.

Please don’t feel alone. I’m sure plenty of other mumsnetters will be along soon. It’s so tough during these lockdowns to get on with your partner and even the strongest of couples have had their challenges and struggles. It might just be a blip with your partner as there is so much pressure on everyone right now. How was your relationship before lockdown?

Sorry your partner is treating you this way, it is so so horrible when you are pregnant and just want to look forward to your new future and get excited about the baby!

How have things been since the argument? Was it just an outburst do you think? Or is he still having doubts about the baby? Has he acted irrationally like this before!

I had my child and my partner left when she was 11 weeks old. He has some MH issues that came out of the blue. She has added so much to my life I would never take her back if I had the chance. It is tough at times. But oh so worth it!

I hope your partner comes round!

You can definitely do it. Probably more easily without him. He sounds very manipulative and unsupportive. It all seems to be about him and his gaslighting of you. You want this baby, that's the most important decision. Now you have to think about whether you really want your dp.

If you told him that you were keeping the baby, no question, and that you want your relationship to work, but that he will have to fundamentally change his attitude if you are going to stay together, what would his reaction be? If you both want to work at it, then do, but not at any cost. Be prepared to go your own way, if the relationship is making you unhappy.

I’d dump the boyfriend and terminate the pregnancy both. Do you really want this man in and out of your life, making threats when you disagree with him about parenting issues and messing you around for the next two decades? You’re 28, you still have plenty of time to meet somebody else and have a proper family - one which doesn’t involve struggling financially and your child having to have a father who didn’t want it, doesn’t want to provide financial support, and will more than likely only dip in and out of its life when it suits him or he manages to convince the series of poor women he replaces you with to look after his child for him.

If you want to go ahead with the pregnancy, do so. I would not factor him in to your decision tho.

And if he doesn't walk away, I would recommend giving him the boot for behaving this way.