His dad is a murderer

[QuestionLife]

Hi 👋

I’m ending this relationship, and I want to know if I’m overreacting.

He’s recently told me that his dad, who was never in his life as he took off after he was born, was an alcoholic and a murderer. Apparently he stabbed someone to death at a pub and did time in prison for it. His mother knew this when she got with him. He says that’s her “type,” she likes “rough” men. I cannot understand what kind of woman would be attracted to that, have a child with a man like that.

He’s been putting me down these days, verbally abusing me, insulting my family and people I speak to. And God forbid I say anything about him or his mother.

I’m wondering what other people think about this?

Psychopathy is heritable

Well you live and learn; I never knew that, but even a quick google shows it's definitely so

In which case, between his DF and DM, I'd say this is definitely one to ditch

Can I suggest a rewrite?

Title: my bf is abusive

I’m ending this relationship, and I want to know if I’m overreacting.

He’s been putting me down these days, verbally abusing me, insulting my family and people I speak to.

That's the bit that matters. No yanbu to end an abusive relationship. Why haven't you ended it yet?

I strongly disagree with people who say the crime has nothing to do with it.
Nature and nurture - nature, he has the genes of a violent alcoholic and the susceptibility to these is influenced by environmental factors.
Nurture- biggest environmental factor is a woman attracted to murderers. Imagine the kid of behaviours he may believe to be normal, the people she could bring into any children's lives!

@Ohdoleavemealone

I strongly disagree with people who say the crime has nothing to do with it. Nature and nurture - nature, he has the genes of a violent alcoholic and the susceptibility to these is influenced by environmental factors. Nurture- biggest environmental factor is a woman attracted to murderers. Imagine the kid of behaviours he may believe to be normal, the people she could bring into any children's lives!

I said it’s irrelevant. What I meant was it’s irrelevant because she’s breaking up with him and his behaviour in itself was enough reason to break up (regardless of any other issues). So there is No reason to analyse the situation or why he behaves as he’s does....because she’s not going to be in a relationship with him anymore.

Leave him. Yes, because his dad is a murderer, also because his mum is a nutter, also because he verbally abuses you. I'm not hearing 'future father to my baby' material.

If you stay, you're no better than his mum.

Run! He will have more issues than Vogue. Let those issues stay solely his problem. Don’t make them your own. Definitely, leave him!

Bollocks!
Dump him because of his own behaviour. Not because of what one parent did.
My mother killed someone during an argument. Went to prison for it. Does that mean I am more likely to hurt someone? Am I bad through her blood? Must she have been born bad to do what she did? Because it can’t be due to her upbringing , she had a privileged upbringing as did I, I’m not a bad person because of her. Would you write me off as a future daughter in law, thankfully my husband and in laws never did and we have been happily married for 34 years. And you know what, I don’t get a little stabby when we have an argument. I had to have years of therapy to convince me I wasn’t a bad person, tainted in some way, as some of your comments seem to infer.
His actions and attitudes are more likely down to his upbringing and lack of a decent male role model rather than one tragic incident.

@dallowgill
It's not one tragic incident.
The bastard stabbed and murdered someone in a pub.
His mother was attracted to violent men.

Come on.

@Sandsnake

His genetic inheritance is an alcoholic murderer and someone who has rough men as her ‘type’. His upbringing and the values he was given was from the mother with a taste in rough men and, likely, a succession of her rough male partners.

He has started to belittle and verbally abuse you. It also sounds as if he is trying to isolate you from your friends and family. You are not overreacting to leave this relationship. Don’t let him talk you out of it, under any circumstances. All the best

All of this.