Not sure what to do

[HowdoImoveaway]

I've managed to get myself into another EA relationship, this time it is a situationship though, after escaping a DV marriage.

I've found myself trauma bonded. He knows to much and I'm desperately worried if I go full NC he will go to extreme lengths to get back at me. He already is. It's more psychological than anything.

It took me years to leave my exH. He was no where near as bad as this vile, evil individual I am trying to get away from. He keeps reeling me in. I've now made the mistake too many times of trying to see the best in him.

My biggest concern is for my DC and my job. I'm terrified he will do further untold malicious damage to myself and my DC of I continue to ignore him and or go NC. I'm even more terrified that if I contact the authorities about this that SS will be informed. It took me a few years to leave my ex, after I sought help with an independent charity, there was a SS case opened. I only left ex when he escalated to physical abuse. I'm fraught with worry for the safety of my DC and our livelihood.

Please help me. I'm so sad. It's all become so complicated. I don't know who to turn to. Sorry if my post is a bit jumbled.

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As long as you are choosing to tell him to do one (which informing the police would suggest) then social services have no reason to cause you difficulty. As long as you can show you are making moves to keep this man away.

Inform your work that you are being harassed too. So they will know your side and to watch out for you.

Might it be worthwhile to speak with womens aid or the national stalking helpline?

As long as you decide it is over, he cannot reel you back.

Dont be fooled - Going back to him will not keep you safe. It will give him opportunity to find more amo on you.

As scary as it is, going no contact is the best move. Worst case scenario, he goes nuclear but after a enough time of either being ignored (or police intervention) he is gone. Where as if you keep trying to placate him, he will torture you indefinitely and you'll never know when or what he will do. Rip the plaster off.

But dont be slow to take appropriate protective steps. Inform your work. And the police too if he continues to harass you.

Are the children his or your ex's?

You owe this man nothing.

You sound really panicky - it's easy to see how upset you are about this.

He's not your children's father so any report to SS wouldn't involve him having access or anything like that. Are you saying you've told him things in confidence and you think he'll report you?

You say he's already done something - what was that?

In the end if you report him to the police then it's much better for you than if he reports you.

Do you have good friends you can talk to?

Thank you all.

He's stalking me online. Yes, I've told him things about past DV. He's Jekyll and Hyde.

My work know about past DV. I had worked so hard to steer clear of this kind of thing, my work know this too. If I tell my work, it is not going to shed good light on me and my suitability for my job getting involved with such a malignant person.

I called the police at the beginning of lockdown about a Male neighbour who had been bothering me and making me feel uncomfortable. I'm concerned that another call about another man will make the police point their fingers at me. I'm not sure I will be believed.

Just for clarification: Both this male neighbour and the man in question have not been into my home.

I'm scared of men. In fact I'm now shit scared. How has it come to do this?

Work wise hmm...some of his sort wont want to look nuts to other ppl so may be unlikely to actually go through with causing you trouble at work. But you know him best, if you think he may then maybe you should tell work. You don't need to say he is an ex, you can just say he is a stalker and for them to be aware 'just incase'.

Literally anyone can get involved with a malignant person op. They don't walk about with a sign. Your work shouldnt judge you. Especially considering you've recognised his behaviour isn't acceptable and are saying 'enough'.

Can you put into words what you are afraid he can do?

The SS will not be interested in an ex-boyfriend's allegations. At most they'd come to see you, see everything is fine and close the case.

I'm not sure how it could affect your work either? Even if they think you are making mistakes in your personal life, it doesn't mean you're incompetent in your day-job.

The police know there are a lot of creepy ass men out there op. And that some women are extra vulnerable to them having met prior ones. Unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable behaviour and will be treated as such.

His kind thrive by making you think you wont be believed or will be judged. It's bs.

I was going to ask if you live with him, but obviously you don't if he's never been in your home, so that's good. How long have you been together, is he the sort to cheat, as in pick on someone else when he gets bored of you ignoring him.

Just to add op, he may even be known to the police already. Perhaps for similar behaviour to another woman.

If he hasn't been in your home, what type of relationship is it? Someone you met online?
How long has it been going on?

Have you told him to leave you alone?

Ok. Thank you. I will mention to work about the stalking/weirdo.

For now I will leave things as they are and continue to avoid him as far as possible.

When I've had enough distance, I will go full NC.

Looking at the current figures for DV, I guess the police are fully aware of the problem and hopefully how the perpetrators manipulate.

I just can't believe people like this exist. I would liken him to Charles Manson - Charming, sociable and amiable on the outside. While damaged and truly wicked to the core.

@Bananalanacake Nearly a year.

I agree you should call the police. They won't think badly of you at all.
He may have done this to other women as well.

If he's stalking you online can you block him and change your privacy settings or reduce your presence online ( I don't put my children on social media at all for example) ?
That's good he's never been into your home, keep it that way and call the police if he does come round.

I also suggest you get some counselling before getting into another relationship.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I can feel that I'm slowly calming down.

It would not surprise me if he's done this to other women.

Charming, sociable and amiable on the outside. While damaged and truly wicked to the core

Men like this purposely target vulnerable women whom they see as easier to control.
They only need to play nice long enough to lure them in. They get off on it.