Is this a red flag?

[nothankspal]

Me and Dp have been together 6 years and he proposed to me last year (over 6 months ago). Its something we talked about occasionally. Never forced him in to it but did say i would like to be married in the future and he agreed. His proposal was a shock i didn't expect it when it did happen.
Anyway i was talking to him today and said shall we get some wedding magazines and have a look around online at wedding venues and I asked him how he felt about getting married next year some time to which he replied that he wasn't that bothered about getting married just yet. So i asked him why he proposed to me if he doesn't want to get married yet and he said because you wanted to be engaged.
This has actually really hurt me as i now feel like he just did it because he thought it would make me happy and didn't actually think about what he wants?
Would this hurt you and how would you move on from this? I feel like it's completely ruined my whole proposal and everything now knowing he actually wasn't bothered about the whole thing.
Im only writing on here as id feel embarrassed to talk to anyone in real life about this as it just makes me look stupid.

Why does it make you look stupid? He's the one making promises and then rolling them back, he's the dick and the stupid one here.

Ruined the proposal? Don't you mean ruined the relationship?

Do you want to continue if you're never going to marry?

That's a really dick move on his part. Why should you have to try and suppress your emotions about it? How does that benefit you?

I don't think it makes you look stupid either.

It's really quite cold and cruel actually. Does he treat you well in the relationship normally?

Whether it's a red flag in your relationship isn't about what he's done, it's about how you feel. Nobody can tell you if something is a red flag for you or not. It's like posting to say 'My partner did x. Do I like it, or don't I?'

You have to decide how strong your feelings are about his behaviour. There's no rule book about this kind of stuff, so there's no right and no wrong. How hurt you feel, and how you feel he's dealing with your hurt are all that matters.

How is he dealing with your hurt?

I don’t blame you for feeling it was ruined. It has been.

If you put this incident aside, has there been a pattern of your partner letting you down in other ways. I wonder if you had both shared your expectations of marriage with one another when you spoke about wanting to be married. What did that look like from his perspective?

He’s pulled the wool over your eyes and I think after six years he needs to give you a rock solid explanation as to why he’s back peddling. You don’t mention your age or whether there are kids involved. But if you continue to go along with his every whim you might lose out on. The future you want abs deserve

Similar thing happened with one of my sil. Beautiful, big surprise engagement, big party for everyone. She was about 30 years of age at the time. She's now 55 and still not married, but still with him and seems happy. He never really wanted to marry, she did, he asked to keep her happy. She just resigned herself to being engaged forever. Funny thing is people still ask when's the wedding. If it's what you want to get married then discuss it further with him now.

It doesn't make you look stupid. It has shown him up to be someone you can never trust though. Essentially telling you what you want to hear rather than being honest. Is that what you want? To never know what he is really thinking?

Is being married a deal breaker ?
Has he said he wants kids, and if so is there any chance he might change his mind on that ?

It was a keep you quiet ring. No idea why some blokes do that. It’s engaged to be married not just engaged as tho it’s some separate thing. I would be pissed off and hurt if I were you. I would take off the engagement ring and think seriously about if you want to be in this relationship long term and unmarried.

To answer some questions we do have Dc and we want more in the future but i would like to be married before then. I definitely want to get married, as cliche as it sounds you only live once and i don't want to look back in years to come and regret not getting married and having that experience and security but also don't want to look back and regret marrying the person i married. I just feel like his reaction to planning our wedding and his comment about proposing because its what i wanted has made me realise something I've never thought about before and thats that he just feels too comfortable and doesn't really care about me. I dont want to be with someone who just does something for the sake of it especially something as big as a proposal.

@Meltedwellie yes that exactly what it feels like.
I have given him the ring back.

What did he say when you gave him the ring back? His proposal was worthless and I’d feel really upset too. Why didn’t he want to get married? You’ve a house, children, the works together anyway. It would make me feel he was looking for an easy escape route in the future. Personally I’d be looking to move out, separate- Id want more than he is giving.

You will NEVER regret not getting married to someone who doesn’t want what what do you.

You will regret wasting your precious time on a man who gives you a nibble of the carrot just to get you to go along.