Did I do the right thing

[SisterHannahHandbasket]

I found out my partner of many years fancied someone at work, they had been flirting over text I cracked up and put a stop to it, but it still continued, they couldn't stay away from each other, I love my partner and didn't want to lose her, I offered an open relationship as long as I didn't know anything but of course this didn't work, I kept changing my mind and calling it off telling her it was over between us but she just kept begging me to stay and putting an end to it. I feel like she misses the OW but she tells me she doesn't, what do I do now, I only want to make her happy we have been together years and I know we have a future together, does it make things interesting? I know it did and brought us closer, please give opinions, need help with this one

You don't want an open relationship. And having one won't help you hang onto her in the long term be ause you will become resentful and that will drive her away. Or she will decide she likes someone else more and leave you for them. Your partner has made it clear she isnt ready for commitment. At least, with you. Do both of you a favour and cut her loose.

What @Wanderlusto said.

My DH and I have had periods of having an open relationship but it was a decision mutually reached after a long journey of exploration together. In fact, we’ve scarcely used the privileges. It can work for some people in the right circumstances - it worked for us - but it’s not right for most people.

Even in open relationships, many people would draw the line at repeated sexual encounters with the same other person. That’s primary and secondary relationship territory. You haven’t agreed to be in a polyamorous relationship but that is what your girlfriend is trying to have. No wonder it’s doing your head in.

So the bottom line is it’s not right for you. If it were, you wouldn’t keep changing your mind.

Ultimately she doesn’t love you enough. She can see how much pain this is causing you. If she loved you enough, she wouldn’t put you through this. It is possible to fancy other people without sleeping with them. It happens all the time. She doesn’t need to act on this. That’s the whole point of commitment in an LTR - you place greater importance on your relationship with your partner and that stops you acting on your attraction to other people. That’s the point of marriage vows. They wouldn’t even be necessary if other people ceased to be attractive simply because you’re in a relationship.

You have to value yourself enough to walk away if it doesn’t work for you.