My love is toxic & obsessive

[Sadmessxo]

From young I’ve never had love a child needs, I’ve always tried to be a people pleaser and make people love me.

I love people way too quickly and when I love I become obsessive with it. An example I was with a guy for 4 months and the love I had for him was immense. It took me over a year to get over that. I stalked him and tried to get him to notice me for a very long time. I’m not sure if it even is love that I feel, but I know it’s unhealthy.

Secondly I was dating this guy for 3 weeks and I already claimed him as mine and now that it’s over I’m losing my mind.

Everything and everyone I love disappears and I don’t know why. I don’t know what to do or how to feel but I know it can’t go on like this anymore.

I’m scared to love people or get into relationships bc I know what’s gona happen and how I will react when they end.

Firstly, you recognise that you may have an issue. That is the first step. Well done. Now think about seeking some counselling.

I think you are suffocating people with your obsessive tendencies. You were with a man for just 4 months and you then stalked them. Not only is that a crime, but I'm sure it scared the shit out of them. This is not love, op. You have got to find help and receive therapy before you even think about entering another relationship.

@Aquamarine1029 I know and I’m ashamed and scared that I’m like this. I can’t pinpoint why though.

It sounds like you may suffer with abandonment issues (all going back to your childhood) and a very anxious attachment style. It's good that you recognise there's a problem so well done with that important first step.

You really need a therapist to work through this with you. If you can;t afford one privately, you may be able to self refer to your local NHS but there will of course be a waiting list.

Maybe try a sex and love addicts anonymous meeting. It's not so much about sex as the attachment stuff. The 12 step model is really good for working through childhood stuff.

I was like this for a while, when I look back it was because I was unhappy in other areas of my life so focussed on romantic relationships to make me feel good. How are your career, family life, friends etc?