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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Complaining about someone behind their back

2 replies

Redpinkgreenyellowblue · 09/01/2021 14:35

Too much time on my hands and trying to figure out a friend. Friend (male but not sure that's relevant) spends a lot of time complaining about other people but will then 'use' them. For example, recently he had a big work issue and would go home every night and off-load to his flatmate. He would then moan to me that he didn't like the advice / support that his flatmate gave, but he still continuing for months off-loading to her even though he was unhappy with her support. Similar thing with his mum, she never seems to be able to do anything right, yet he will ring her at the drop of a hat if he needs some information (e.g. how long to cook something for) that he could just as easily google.

I'm pretty black and white, if I feel negatively enough to complain about someone, I'm not also going to asking them for favours or spending lots of time with them. I just want others opinions about whether this putting someone down (behind their back) but maintaining a close relationship is normal or not. Oh and before anyone says it, I do suspect that he complains about me too, which is why I am contemplating whether to continue the friendship.

OP posts:
wheelywheelynice · 10/01/2021 15:19

I don't think it's normal and I would drop the two-faced user

KirstenBlest · 10/01/2021 15:38

If someone does this to me I tell them that if they want to slag peole off, they're talking to the wrong person, I'm not interested.

If he is slagging people off to you, he's probably slagging you off to other people.

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