What do i do?

[iwishihadthoughtofthat]

I would like your opinions on my relationship with my Fiance'.We live quite a distance from one another.We both have our own houses,and both have had past relationships where we have had to pay exes off.We have discussed getting married and where we should live,including selling both houses and buying one between us.However,he has now decided that he doesn't want to sell his,as he said that having lost his house before after divorce to his wife and having to start again with a mortgage,he wants to keep his house.He also said he likes living in it with his things around him,and doesn't want to have someone else's things there.'We get on well,and have a lot of shared interests.He does most of the traveling as i don't enjoy driving.He is very generous and loving,and has helped me out a lot with different things.However this problem seems to be one we can't resolve and is putting a strain on our relationship.
Any suggestions?

He also said he likes living in it with his things around him,and doesn't want to have someone else's things there

Well that's.... odd. When DP moved into my flat the first thing I did was make sure he felt like it was his home. We have his retro framed film posters up in the hallway, guitars hung on the wall and I got him framed pictures of his family for Christmas to sit alongside the pictures of my loved ones. None of these would be what I picked for my decor but I love him and want him to feel comfortable and at home here.

The fact that your Fiancé doesn't appear to want a trace of you in his house would concern me more than him not wanting to sell his house or move. Does he let you leave a toothbrush there?

Hi @iwishihadthoughtofthat. I’m afraid I’d be exactly like your OH. I won’t ever compromise my home ever again. It sounds harsh but I won’t. I’m on my own at the moment but if I did meet someone it would never be living together. Not leaving my home or having anyone move in. My home is my sanctuary after a totally shit LTR.
I totally understand this could and should be a dealbreaker. It’s a huge ask of anyone. Your DP should have been honest about it. I suppose you need to think about whether you are happy as things are and for them to stay that way. If it’s not enough for you that’s understandable. Tough decision.
I’d say pushing him to live together won’t work at all though.

@Aminuts23

Hi *@iwishihadthoughtofthat*. I’m afraid I’d be exactly like your OH. I won’t ever compromise my home ever again. It sounds harsh but I won’t. I’m on my own at the moment but if I did meet someone it would never be living together. Not leaving my home or having anyone move in. My home is my sanctuary after a totally shit LTR. I totally understand this could and should be a dealbreaker. It’s a huge ask of anyone. Your DP should have been honest about it. I suppose you need to think about whether you are happy as things are and for them to stay that way. If it’s not enough for you that’s understandable. Tough decision. I’d say pushing him to live together won’t work at all though.

Nice to know I’m not the only one here who would never give up their home after a LTR.

I’ve had some funny looks off friends but they haven’t been in a position where they could be potentially bloody homeless because all of a sudden the house you lived in is no longer yours.

This would be my dream relationship arrangement tbh. I would hate to live with someone again.

Aminuts 23 I completely understand where you and DP is coming from,i myself have been made homeless after a failed relationship {with a child in tow} in the past.I think one of the problems here,is the distance (4 hour drive) that prevents us from just popping round to see each other when we feel like it.If we could,then things would be easier and wouldn't feel the need to pehaps set up home together yet.

It's fair enough reading the posts of people who have been hurt and won't repeat what thue had with someone else.. But it's also very hurtful and sad for the poor person who may not genuinely do that to them and then misses out..i.e me! As I posted before op I've told my dp it's wise we stop seeing each other.. I understand his position and although it's manageable obvisouky to him it isn't and for that reason I need to walk away.. I'm not sure I will feel like I've made the right decision as its not one I want but life is short hey