How soon for kids to meet new partner/ move in?

[3u33y]

I have seen lots of threads on here where people have commented on how soon someone has allowed their kids to meet their new partner. Some consider a year okay, others 18 months- 2 years but generally under 12 months is a big no-no!?
Also the length of time before a new partner moves in also seems to vary so I’m interested in this also.
So just for interest in opinions
How long should someone wait to introduce their kids to a new partner? And how long should a person wait before moving in with a new partner, especially when kids are involved?

My DD met DP after 4 months. He was a friend of mine like all my other friends. We started doing things together after around 8 months-1year. He moved in with us after 2 years. We had a brother for her 5 years after we got together.

You know when something is likely to last. She never met anyone else I dated.

I waited about 3 months before my new partner met my LO. 12-18 months before we moved in together, but still not really ‘living together’ as he works away 5 days a week, so no major disruption to kids

Kids I dunno...6 month minimum?

Theres no way I would live with a partner for at least 18 months. And if I had kids that were not his...I dont know if I would ever want to tbh (definately not if I had daughter who was in/nearing her teens). But at least 3 or 4 years. Take no chances.

I would say 5 or 6 months for introductions.but i wouldn't move anyone else into my daughter's home.

She's 15 and my eldest is 22.

There's no way I'd have expected either of them to live with another man just because it was what I wanted.

I've been a single parent since the youngest was 6.

@PumpkinWitch yes. I really don't see the need for it. It's possible to have a relationship without living with the person. Personally I don't think it's fair on children to move an unrelated partner into their home, but of course many others do not take the same view.

I suppose it depends on the situation and ages of the children. I'm a widow of more than two years and whilst I hope that I might meet someone in the future who would be a nice boyfriend, I couldn't imagine another man moving into the children's house, where their dad lived. It would feel like such an invasion of their home, where they need to feel safe.

As has been said I guess it depends on the couple and the kids involved.
My daughter is 15 and lives 50/50 between me and her dad. My son lives with dad but is 19 now.

I have been with my partner 21 months. He has kids but both in their mid 20s living independently. I introduced my daughter in a "both of us take a friend to the zoo day about 12 months ago. He has been around a few times for dinner since when she is there but mostly we keep it so that I see DP when DD is at dad's. Unlikely to move in until DD is independent.
Meanwhile exh has been with his dp about 9 months, introduced both sides after 2-3 months and is now apparently not seen by DS when DD is with me, and talking moving in without taking either of them as soon as DD turns 16.

But he is an charming individual, taught DS that the best way to deal with women is to put them down, and moved in with me way too quick with hindsight so that I was in too deep before I realised how charming he isn't...
Takes all sorts...

I dont have an exact time frame for meeting but I know know I will NEVER blend families and would only move in with someone once both set of children have left home - which is about 7 years from my side.

It’s hard when you have your kids 24/7 and no childcare etc to balance seeing someone without introducing them earlier because it’s easier. But with covid everything is on hold anyway so makes no difference.

That’s the case for me, with my kids 24/7 no help they don’t go anywhere so I’ve chosen not to date rather than just bringing randoms round them straight away 😕 surely if that’s the case then you have to accept you can’t date? Unless you are going to bring strangers in your home whilst their in bed (never a good idea!) or take them on dates

I introduced my children quite quickly to my partner but we have decided not to move in together. It wouldn't have been fair on the children.
I'm not against blending families. I come from a very happy one. However my dad has been around since I was two so I've never known anything different.
Its just when you have tweens its a lot more complicated.

In previous relationships I've introduce at 18 months and hung out 'as friends' and the relationship went for 3 years but kids only ever knew it as friends.

In current we introduce after 3 months. My partner is someone I've worked with for years (it would have been different if I had met through old etc) and moved in after 6 months.... Partially due to circumstances at the time otherwise would probably have been longer.

It massively depends on time frame, age, previous relationships and situation etc. If you're younger, haven't much life experience and you're moving in someone after 6 months it is a bit odd for younger children.
If you're in your 20's have been dating for a year or more and they met your kids after 4-6 months then that doesn't seem too weird. My aunt is mid thirties and was in a serious relationship for years about 5 years ago, her new partner has 2 children that are young teens, she met them after around 6 months and moved in during lockdown which is slightly different I guess, they have now been together just over 18 months and are buying a house together. I think in your 30's especially when one partner doesn't have kids and wants one it's reasonable to move at a quicker pace, especially with the age related knowledge you have. If you're even older than that I feel like people either date for a few months to a year and move in or never move in.

I have just started dating again and I have met someone I like. It is going very slow as you can’t really date under lockdown so obviously I have no plans to move him in.

But I do hope to find another partner and have another baby. I don’t want to be single until DS who is now 2 leaves home. I understand it is different for people with older children and especially if you have been widowed but I don’t think it is wrong to date again.

Depends on the people and the kids doesnt it?
My dp met my then 8 11 and 15 year old dds after 6 weeks but it was very much led by them, they were very curious and asked to meet him so we met out of doors in neutral territory and took it slowly.
He didnt stay overnight for quite a while (that they knew off). He had his own place.

He didnt move in until we had been together 2.5 years and again it was at the kids suggestion. If they had said no we wouldnt have done it.
He has 1 grown up daughter so no blended family situation here which made it easier.

I think it's good to meet them fairly early on (in a very relaxed/casual way, not spending loads of time together) because if you're not happy with the early signs of the relationship between your DC and your new partner or his DC and you it's best to find out early on before you're too committed. Maybe between three and six months?

Moving in - much longer. Maybe never!

My DS met one boyfriend properly (because he asked to), spent some time on a couple of occasions with me and one other but he saw this one as just a friend and had dinner with my ex who he had known for years. I never planned to move a man in as it was DSs home. At best when DS was an adult I half thought about DS and a mate living in our house and my boyfriend and I renting. My home is my security

My exhoved in with his partner and her children after a few months. I think she's a fool, especially since she's well aware the reason why we split is because of his DV. Why a woman would welcome a wife beater into her home with her children is beyond my comprehension.

My new partner is a woman; we spend time together with my DC regularly and we are buying a house together in a few months, if all goes well. She has no children and has thrown herself into family life. Her presence has been a massive plus in our lives.

It depends on a lot of factors. I had one dd, and wanted more children, so waiting until she was 18 wouldn't really be a viable option for us 😂.

Introduced dp after 6 months, after a year he stayed weekends and occasionally during the week. Had holidays, days out etc.

Moved in properly after 2 years together, we sat dd down and talked about it. If she wasn't keen we would of waited.
It's been 5 years now and we have a baby on the way.

@PumpkinWitch

I have just started dating again and I have met someone I like. It is going very slow as you can’t really date under lockdown so obviously I have no plans to move him in.

But I do hope to find another partner and have another baby. I don’t want to be single until DS who is now 2 leaves home. I understand it is different for people with older children and especially if you have been widowed but I don’t think it is wrong to date again.

My children are a similar age to yours and I will never move someone new into their home. I have no desire to date either but don't see any issue with that. It's the moving a partner into children's homes that I object to as I think it's really unfair. Even if they agree, in many cases they are not mature enough to think through the possibilities and give proper consent to this, and may also feel pressure to agree as it is what the parent wants. I believe very strongly that until children become adults, they shouldn't be put in the position of having to make such a choice. But you're right, that's no reason for people not to date or have a relationship with someone new. Perfectly possible (in normal times) to get a babysitter and go out on dates etc. I guess what confuses me is why people think that if you're in a relationship you must inevitably move in together!

Been with my DP for 15 months now. Both my and his DC aren’t even aware of the relationship. We see each other when we don’t have the DC. It works for us and neither of us are in a rush. We know how we feel about each other and where we want out relationship to go, and we’re both more than happy with the current set up. We will meet kids eventually but after the last year with covid restrictions we don’t see any need to add something else different in to their lives.