Starting to hate and resent my best friend

[L2021]

We’re both early 20’s and been friends since we were 4. She used to be this person I could come to about anything and now she’s horrible.

She has a lot of issues going on in her life from her willingly marrying her cousin etc..

When I want to open up to her & confide in her she says “we’ll talk about your problems later” and then we’ll continue talking about whatever it is that’s on her mind. She never contacts me now if it isn’t to help her out or if she wants to rant and I haven’t spoken to her in 2 weeks now because she has ignored my messages twice in a row now.

She’ll make promises to go out together then when it suits her cancel the day before if she’s not feeling up to it.
She treats everyone in her life like this, especially her older sister. And all we try to do is help.

She’s very toxic and when I am around her it’s just so depressing as we always talk about the same sad things.

I’m now at a point where I just want to walk away but at the same time I can’t because she’s my best friend.

But she is not your best friend is she?. She is toxic and besides which true friends do not treat each other like you have been.

You cannot help anyone like this and you should not even try. All you end up doing is enabling them and that only gives you a false sense of control. It neither helps you or her for that matter. Its more than ok to walk away from a friendship that is now one sided and totally unhealthy.

You can walk away from her. There is no contract to always be best friends because you have for the last twenty years. I think you are confusion longevity with obligation.

However if you have not tried to tackle the issues you have with her before, can you not speak to her about it? Would she take it from you? Ask her why she hasn't replied to your messages and that you have some things you would like to talk to her about. She may not realise how self-absorbed she is if you don't point it out to her.

Or, back off and not be so available to her. Don't make plans that she can break, don't stay and listen to her negativity. You don't have to make an obvious things of it. You are in control.

If she was your sister that would be one thing, because you'd be stuck with her, but this is someone you call a friend who doesn't act like one at all. Just because you liked her when she was little it doesn't mean you have to put up with her now. Put her in your past and only give the term 'friend' to someone who acts like one.

She isnt your best friend, she is a longstanding obligation that has become toxic.

Life is too short. Phase her out.

She’s not your best friend if you aren’t getting listened to or messages answered. She’s used you. She needs a shock. Stop contacting her. Go no contact. Don’t answer her messages. It’s time to spread your wings and go find more friends.

I think you need to have a rethink about what "best friend" means. Because I think you are confused! This is no friend at all, let alone a best friend.

Some people are only meant to be in our life for a while and then we move on.

Even if she is your only friend, you can still stay away from her in order to make time and energy for new friends.

You can walk away, painful as it will be. Some friendships end.

She’s clearly not your best friend so why the pretence?

You don't have to be friends with anyone. She is not being a friend to you. No one is entitled to your friendship.

I’m now at a point where I just want to walk away but at the same time I can’t because she’s my best friend

Sorry OP but this is complete bollocks. You can walk away from anyone you chose. You admit she's toxic and horrible so why on earth do you have to stay friends with her? its not the law that once youre friends with someone you have to put up with all kinds of nasty behaviour is it?

WALK AWAY. I'm afraid that this happens in life- you will meet people wh are like this and the only way to deal with it is to cut them out and seek friendships with lovely, caring people instead. You have 100% control over this situation so stop trying to convince yourself that you are helpless. You arent.

Best friend isn't a contact that can't be broken on pain of death! The friendship isn't working for you any more; withdraw.

You didn’t sign a contract. She’s not your best friend, she’s your worst one.

@Wanderlusto

She isnt your best friend, she is a longstanding obligation that has become toxic.

Life is too short. Phase her out.

This

Best friends means you are close and supportive, you share problems and successes, you enjoy her company more than you do that of your other friends etc.

From what you say you are certainly not best friends. Maybe you've grown away from each other. Maybe she was always like this and you didn't notice.

Whatever - what's the point if you feel she is toxic and making you unhappy. In life, you do lose friends along the way- often it's just circumstances, sometimes it's because your lives begin to diverge and other times maybe there's a falling out. You also encounter new situations and make new friends.

Let her go. Or at least demote her to 'one of my friends'

She's a shit friend. You do not have to stick around for that, OP.

Back off, change your phone number if needed, full radio silence, unfollow on SM, get on with your life.

Really, what would be the point in staying friends with her?

She has a lot of issues going on in her life from her willingly marrying her cousin etc..

Of course, there's an entire world contained in that throw away line.

She may not be your "best friend" any more. But you certainly aren't hers either. If you don't want to talk to her and don't want to do things with her, if you think she's toxic, etc., then great - grow up and move on. A do wonder what this Mumsnet fascination is with posting about "friends" that you obviously don't actually like.

But I suspect that there is a another version of this. She's married. That's a big adjustment. And her childhood friend is no longer the centre of her universe. I wonder what she might post about you?