Dh faking orgasm?

[Patty08]

I've name changed for this because its feels such a sensitive subject.

Happily married for 12 years, been together for 15. Our sex life has always been quite active, although now we are in our 50s its slowing down a bit naturally. We still have sex about twice a week.

A few times over the last couple of months i have strongly suspected that dh has faked his orgasm and not actually come. Its fairly obvious to me as I know how he feels inside me when he comes (sorry if that's TMI) and there hasn't been any semen leaking afterwards (sorry again!) I haven't said anything as I assumed each time it was a one off and best to pretend it hadn't happened. But it happened again last night and I realised it's become a "thing". I psyched myself up and very diplomatically put it to him - he vehemently denied it. He said because he's older he doesn't produce much semen. Hmmmm... trouble is when I do actually feel him orgasm there is plenty of it!

It's not that I want to make this a big issue, but if there's a problem I would rather we discuss it as a couple and try to address it. Or at least just be honest with each other. Its the pretending I dont like - it makes me feel like an idiot.

Where to go from here? This is going to put me off having sex with him.
Oh I should say he definitely still seems to be interested in having sex, he made the first move last nigh,t and said he'd been thinking making love to me all day!

I think sometimes we think men are simpler when it comes to sex - and particularly getting aroused in the first place and then achieving orgasm. But it’s not so easy, especially as they get older.

My partner is only early 30s and is beginning to notice some small affects - sometimes he finishes using his hands, or doesn’t come at all. It’s fine by me - I also don’t come every time and it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sex with him. I just don’t always come easily.

But we do talk about it openly. He actually does experience a bit of shame about it - even though e can rationalise it, the emotions of masculinity can be deeply rooted. Keep being supportive of your husband, and definitely don’t take it personally. Make it a safe place for him to talk about it...but he might always find it too hard, I guess. It depends what he’s like? I don’t know how to approach that, if he won’t talk at all.

Thanks wishfuldreamer in the past (a few years ago) he had erectile dysfunction and took Viagra for a while. We were able to talk about that, in fact we approached it a a Couples problem - not just his problem. we worked together on it.
That's why I'm sad that he won't admit what's going on now. And in fact I'm getting a bit paranoid that there might be an issue with our marriage that he's scared to bring up or is determined to hide.

It's a shame but it doesn't sound like he is being honest as you suspected. The one thing it is difficult for men to hide with whether they have cum. The only thing that makes a difference to the amount of semen with my DH is how long we have been having foreplay etc and actually having sex. With a quickie there is not loads but I can still feel it. With a nice build up, foreplay and PIV then there is lots...(sorry if TMI) but he will spurt probably four times and I can feel the pressure of the first couple of spurts. I also get the after effects and need to wipe a few times after.

It's difficult as he has already denied it and it's important it doesn't make it worse..but you need to work on it together. If my DH was having problems I know there are things that I can do to make him get incredibly aroused and the only disadvantage would be him cumming too quickly so I have to use those techniques carefully!!

Good luck.

I think this is one of those problems which only becomes worse the more attention is drawn to it. If he’s having trouble finishing then probing him about is going to heighten his anxiety and make it more likely to keep on happening. There are occasions where I don’t manage to come and honestly, nothing would make my vagina curl up and die more than DP making a deal about it when really it’s just one of those things.

If he’s still very interested in and initiating sex and enjoying the ride then I’d leave it and see if it resolves itself. It’s no reflection on you, and he isn’t making an idiot of you (he may even be telling the truth.) His orgasm is his responsibility, not yours - don’t let it put you off sex that he’s perfectly happy to have and wanting, because of some perceived slight on you.

Looks like communication is the issue here - it's odd that he is denying it when it is obvious. I don't think it's necessarily true that the - ahem - output declines with age, and it is not possible to fake the - er - movements that occur in certain areas when you come.

An inability to perform sexually goes to the heart of a man's masculinity and it's very difficult for us men to talk about it, though you have obviously crossed that bridge with him before which makes his current refusal to talk about it hard to understand. But I do agree with @wishfuldreamer that you should not pressure him or give him the impression that you no longer want to have sex with him.

Given the stresses we are all under at the moment this could well resolve itself when he is more relaxed but it might be worth checking that there are no medical issues that might be involved, especially as he has had ED in the past.

Thanks all. It could well be stress, he’s a frontline NHS worker so you can imagine how difficult things are at work for him at the moment.
I’m going to leave it for a couple of months and see how it goes I think.

Ahh after 15 years together he tells you he's been thinking about making love to you all day, sounds like you're both doing alright to me! I honestly think you should put it behind you and like a pp said not make an issue about it.

To be fair, men of that age can have very little to produce sometimes. Hardly a dribble, I've seen.

It sounds like you need to try not to make a thing out of it, it could just make matters worse.
Would it be a problem if he didn't come? Or is it the faking that's bothering you?
From my point of view I don't always orgasm, but I still enjoy sex, Infact I hate it when I feel pressure to orgasm, but I'm 57 and it just doesn't always happen for me anymore, but I feel lucky that I still have a loving engaged partner and we still in my books have a good sex life.

I wouldn't mention it but perhaps try to get jim to come from something like a hand job then it's fairly obvious. Or ask him to wear a condom and again it will be clear

On one hand, it may be that he's having less powerful orgasms (so you feel less) with less ejaculate and men can orgasm without ejaculate - it's far less common, usually more on type of stimulation rather than age to my knowledge, but it's possible; but on the other, it also likely he's embarrassed & doesn't want to get into something if things aren't working as smoothly or strongly as before whether it's less powerful or faking.

I wouldn't push it unless he didn't seem to be enjoying things or other big changes happen, the pressure to 'finish' or to orgasm as strong as before can make things more difficult.

Do women actually feel it when the seamen release? God I can’t. I only know DH has ‘cum’ because of the noise he makes lol and it drops out obviously afterwards so I have to wipe a few times

Must say though I can feel it change when I give him a hand job and it changes and somehow gets wider before the explosion!

I must have a wizards sleeve.... sob

@TableFlowerss

Do women actually feel it when the seamen release? God I can’t. I only know DH has ‘cum’ because of the noise he makes lol and it drops out obviously afterwards so I have to wipe a few times

It depends on the guy and the position. Definitely nothing to do with you!

@TableFlowerss

Do women actually feel it when the seamen release? God I can’t. I only know DH has ‘cum’ because of the noise he makes lol and it drops out obviously afterwards so I have to wipe a few times

😂😂 I have felt it all the time even with my ex's 🤢 you feel kind of like pressure and then a few twitches

@TableFlowerss

Must say though I can feel it change when I give him a hand job and it changes and somehow gets wider before the explosion!

I must have a wizards sleeve.... sob

😂😂😂 wizards sleeve 😂😂