In dilemma that has been ongoing for months now.
I was in relationship with someone for years who was fun, adventurous, caring, but loved his independence and refused any talks about our future together (moving in, getting married). In the beginning there were some legitimate reasons, later on he just admitted "he doesn't want to be in control of a woman" or something within those lines.
At the 4 year mark I started feeling uneasy, attempted several chats about it, was refused point blank to even discuss about it, so I've mustered my courage and left him. I felt, I have done all I could.
He came back begging. He stirred shit and begged and begged and begged for weeks. He said he woke up and saw the light. He proposed and started talking about our lives together... All perfect and what I wanted, right? I told him, it took me a while to mentally check out of the relationship, and I am unsure of how I feel. I asked to give me time and space, but him being a bit of a bull in a china shop, he never gave me the space I needed. I reluctantly accepted his proposal thinking I ought to give him a second chance.
Since then, he has been glued to me like a wet leaf. I have been feeling suffocated by his attention, him wanting to stay over 24/7 (until we find a place to live together), his constant questioning (why am I not wearing the engagement ring? why I didn't pick up the phone? why I don't want to spend 24/7 together?) He has been feeling insecure and I get it. I have been feeling suffocated and mis-trusting his complete sudden U-turn. I still love him and care dearly, but probably not in love at this point.
To complicate things even more, I got someone else in my life who is interested in a relationship with me from the day he's got to know me (we have been mates, became emotionally closer since my break-up and he clearly expressed his interest). I should have probably stopped chatting to him since I have accepted the proposal and focus on repairing the relationship, but I have not and we are still in touch (only via phone at the moment). I believe he would make a great partner, probably even better than my boyfriend (more stable, less toxic, on the same page from get go), and I keep thinking how the things could be, but of course it is the unknown territory.
It is the situation of "a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush" and I genuinely don't know what to do.
For the context, we are all in mid-40s.