DH wants attention all the time

[ZigZag88]

So before I start I'm going to say I am 18 weeks pregnant so probably hormonal and over reacting but this is starting to get to me

DH and I have been together nearly 14 years, married 8, 1 DC(4) and expecting our second later in the year

We have had our ups and downs like all couples but for the most part are happy. Last year was testing as it was for everyone. One of the reasons we have worked well together for so long is that he works shifts and I work in an office based role so we have always been very independent of each other and don't live in each other pockets. Since march last year I have been WFH which has been great for me, but also means I don't get the break from DH that I am used to.

If I am at home, then DH seems to expect me to be paying him attention all the time. I have a purpose built office set up as my role requires certain equipment to do my job (think multiple screens etc) and we had a spare room so we set up an office space for me. In my mind when I am working (Mon-Fri) I am working between 9-5, I take a break for lunch which I sit downstairs with DH but then I prefer to go back into my office. My job is full on and demanding whereas he seems to think I can just sit downstairs with the laptop, answer a few emails and watch TV with him all day.

Then he moans about my hours. before when I was in the office I used to do something along the lines of 0830 - 1630 as I had the commute and a lot of people did the same. However after team changes this year ( I was lucky to keep a job at all as my industry has been heavy hit by Covid) and the fact we are now homeschooling, I have said multiple times that I have changed my hours slightly as most of my new team do 0900 - 1700. However as I have no commute I'm still downstairs for dinner earlier than I would have been when in the office. Although Dh likes the fact that I get to spend longer laying in during the morning, he still moans to everyone that I should be finishing at 1600 but I work until 1700! I've lost count of how many times I have explained this to him, but he still moans all the time.

Then we have the bedroom. I admit I am not the best at initiating things, and have become worse since pregnant as I am exhausted. I'm trying to work full time, do work around the house (DH cooks when he is here, but it is left to me to tidy up, do the washing, dishwasher etc) and by the time DC is in bed I'm shattered. I used to want to go bed at 9, but have not compromised and try my best to stay up watching TV with him, but then he expects me to be cuddled up, rubbing and touching each other all night. I am starting to find it difficult to get comfortable at the moment, and just as I get comfy, he'll decide he wants to cuddle up and make me uncomfortable again and take it personally.

When I had DC I suffered with some pre and post natal anxiety, although it wasn't diagnosed at the time. I have had some counselling to overcome this and am working through the steps to stop it happening again, although a lot of it wasn't helped that when I was anxious about something, DH wouldn't listen to me and would call me stupid, an idiot and even threatened to leave. He won't take any responsibility for not helping me when I was struggling, but tells everyone it was all to do with me and that is why we have waited so long to have another.

He thinks nothing of telling me how attractive he find other women on TV (and I mean any woman) and how he could do so much better than me (I am overweight but have lost 4 stone in the last year - obviously some of this is going to go back on being pregnant but I am working really hard to try and keep my weight gain under control) but then thinks I should take it as a compliment that he still wants to come to bed with me.

It's come to a head last night as when we went to bed he started to cuddle up as usual but I hadn't even had chance to put my phone away or get comfortable so when I asked him to wait a minute he got in a strop and is now not talking to me.

I love him dearly and am really excited for this year, but the constant moaning, criticism and feeling like I'm not good enough is starting to get to me, especially with pregnancy hormones floating around!

Sorry for the rant!

He sounds utterly unbearable, why do you put up with this and I'm sorry but I am going to use that phrase everyone seems to hate on Mumsnet, 'why are you having another baby with him?'.

@tropicalwaterdiver why shouldn't she take her phone to bed? What's that got to do with anything at all?

Being a grown up means you get to decide you're allowed you to this stuff you know

Another selfish man. He has no respect for you or your job, that much is clear from your OP. Goes on about the hours you work, doesn't do anything at home. You seem to think it is normal that he doesn't pull his weight and do any house work. He clearly doesnt understand that with you both working he should be doing 50/50 - have you told him this, what did he say? or are you enabling this behaviour?

Ehhhhh @tropicwaterdiver? Browsing the internet and reading shite on your phone in bed is the best part of the day!

He thinks nothing of telling me how attractive he find other women on TV (and I mean any woman) and how he could do so much better than me

When he next says this, tell him very calmly 'Go on then, you have my blessing. I think it's for the best'.

You think he's the catch. Actually, he's desperate to keep you under the thumb. Cut him loose and you'll be happier.

He sounds awful - I was just about to say that I would want to clobber him when you said you love him dearly. What is it about this complete and utter prick that you love?

Btw what happens with your child while you're both working? School?

So you are working full time (main bread winner ?) dealing with a small child, house drudge, his tantrums, & jealousy & unwanted sex while your body is growing a new person inside... & he is sulking.

At this point, you say "I am not having the sulking, if you have a problem tell me what it is, if not, I don't need it, If you perceive it as a punishment, actually not having to pander to your every wish is a welcomed holiday.

He doesn’t sound very nice.

Wow, he sounds like a dickhead

Urgh he sounds like a childish prick tbh
He doesn't get to dictate what time you work, it's your job fgs.
I'd explain to him that his whinging makes it LESS likely that you want to spend any time with him including in the bedroom.
He needs to grow tf up!

You love a man who calls you an idiot, tells you you're stupid, and he could get a woman better than you? Really? That's a man you love "dearly?"

You need to raise your standards.

@Aquamarine1029

You love a man who calls you an idiot, tells you you're stupid, and he could get a woman better than you? Really? That's a man you love "dearly?"

You need to raise your standards.

^^This.

What's to love? Seriously. Think about it

@ZigZag88
‘
He thinks nothing of telling me how attractive he find other women on TV (and I mean any woman) and how he could do so much better than me (I am overweight but have lost 4 stone in the last year - obviously some of this is going to go back on being pregnant but I am working really hard to try and keep my weight gain under control) but then thinks I should take it as a compliment that he still wants to come to bed with me’
What the actual f**k!!!!
If he thinks he can do better tell him to!! That’s an horrendous way to speak to someone you ‘love’ he sounds very childish and needs to grow up a little!!!!

He doesn't sound at all lovable. He sounds like a sex pest and I certainly couldn't live with that.

He treats you appallingly.

I too felt suffocated reading your post. He is an emotionally abusive fucker. Disgusting parasite who cares not one jot for you. Why do you think you deserve so little?

Go be bed when you want. Let him sulk. Says he can do better? Off you go then loser. Fuck that shit!

I really felt a stifling feeling even just reading your post. This is not normal op. at all. It is very unhealthy for you and your dc.

He is doing you a favour by 'letting' you go to bed with him, is he for real?! How on earth have you managed to put up with him for this long?

Dear OP - as PP have said, this sounds all kinds of messed up. Your H sounds immature, self-centred, lazy, entitled and tending to abusiveness - endless take and absolutely no give. No wonder your MH has suffered.

Why do you love him to bits? Mature love between adults is supposed to be conditional. Unconditional love is what we give children. If he treats you this badly, he doesn’t deserve your love. You have the right to reclaim it from him and save it for someone else.

Even if you do love him, you should love yourself more. You are worth so much more than this.

OP please re read what you posted below, not once but as many times as you need to understand you need to remove yourself from this marriage as soon as possible.

"When I had DC I suffered with some pre and post natal anxiety, although it wasn't diagnosed at the time. I have had some counselling to overcome this and am working through the steps to stop it happening again, although a lot of it wasn't helped that when I was anxious about something, DH wouldn't listen to me and would call me stupid, an idiot and even threatened to leave. He won't take any responsibility for not helping me when I was struggling, but tells everyone it was all to do with me and that is why we have waited so long to have another.

He thinks nothing of telling me how attractive he find other women on TV (and I mean any woman) and how he could do so much better than me (I am overweight but have lost 4 stone in the last year - obviously some of this is going to go back on being pregnant but I am working really hard to try and keep my weight gain under control) but then thinks I should take it as a compliment that he still wants to come to bed with me. "