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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

so pissed off with fwb

20 replies

xLoveMEorNOTx · 07/01/2021 23:51

I really don't know how to start
But ive been with him 3 years on and off (intimate as well)and has been a long friend since I was in my teens
He has went back to his mother of his children on numerous occasions but i know he has feelings for me too but from autumn 2020 he cut if very short telling me he needed space due to family currcumstanes.....i gave him that and have still not heard from him...i feel that it is inconsiderate of him as we have known each other along time and i do love him alot

OP posts:

PickAChew · 07/01/2021 23:55

Surely the point of a, fuck buddy is that you have no expectations?

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 07/01/2021 23:57

yeah..but i think I wanted more...but he didn't as he kept saying x

OP posts:

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:03

he did tell e he lied e alot too !

OP posts:

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:04

Liked me*

OP posts:

LadyMinerva · 08/01/2021 00:07

He doesn't want to be with you. You need to cut him from your life and move on.

BlueThistles · 08/01/2021 00:15

PickAChew · 08/01/2021 00:18

If Yiu wanted more then he's nlt a fwb

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:20

I know but I think that's what he wanted fwb!

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/01/2021 00:20

He probably knew you wanted more.

He never promised you anything, you have no right to be pissed off. It was you that changed the goalposts.

lockdownconfused · 08/01/2021 00:22

Does the mother of his children know about you?

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:23

what do u mean I changed the goalposts lol !

OP posts:

NovemberR · 08/01/2021 00:23

The problem seems to be that you slept with him on and off for three years whilst actually being in love with him and wanting a proper relationship.

Sadly he just saw you as a shag with no commitment.

You need to block and move on rather than hoping he'll return. There's no future in it.

covidaintacrime · 08/01/2021 00:27

Being FWB and having feelings for someone, on top of getting irritated when they don't reciprocate those feelings (when you haven't told them!) is an unreasonable combination.

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:33

I did tell him how i felt

OP posts:

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:35

I did love him as said in my OP x

OP posts:

covidaintacrime · 08/01/2021 00:36

I don't think there's any chance honestly OP, especially if it's been non-committal for so long. Best start looking around for a new partner if you want commitment.

Potplantontheshelf · 08/01/2021 00:37

If you wanted more, he wasnt a fwb. He was a man you were in a pseudo relationship with hoping it would become a real relationship.

If you loved him, you shouldn't have pretended to be his fwb.

He has operated exactly within the parameters of a fwb.

I agree that he realised you have feelings for him and, as that was not what he wanted, he cut all contact. Which is what you should have done anyway.

I wouldn't have liked it if any of my fwbs had developed feelings. That's breaking the rules of the relationship.

You changed the goalposts because the arrangement you had was fwb but what you secretly hoped for was a relationship. Different goalposts.

Original poster

xLoveMEorNOTx · 08/01/2021 00:38

don't think I will as he was do important in my life 💗 ty for who have replied it means alot x

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/01/2021 00:41

It's hard to admit OP but he wasn't a FWB.

You were a woman in love with a guy who you thought would get the same feelings if you kept seeing and shagging him.

He was a guy who knew you were in love with them and would keep seeing and shagging him without him returning those feelings.

So it was never going to work and you need to move on and try never to get in that situation again. That wasn't what FWB is.

It was you hoping he'd change his mind and him not doing so. It's shit but it's reality

Bluntness100 · 08/01/2021 00:46

This happens a lot in fwb. For you he wasn’t a fwb, you were just pretending he was. He was telling you the truth he didn’t wish more with you and I’m sure he does like you a lot. But you don’t just like him. You love him.

It’s been a few months now and he’s moved on. He’s not being inconsiderate becayse keeping in touch would be to encourage you and you need to move on.

What can you do to try to accept it?

Flip