How to stop getting annoyed

[nintendonoobie]

Right, I'm getting annoyed with myself.

Let me explain..

So my boyfriend used to smoke for 2 years and then quit and started vaping (I've only ever known him as a vaper), but he does smoke socially.

I get annoyed every time he smokes but I don't like that I get annoyed.

I really try not to be but there's something about it that really gets me.

I don't like being annoyed because he should be free to do what he wants.

I have expressed to him that I don't like him smoking, but ultimately it is up to him.

It gets to the point where I won't join social gatherings because I don't want to be around him when he's smoking, this is one of the main reasons I want to stop getting frustrated by it.

Do you know how I can stop myself getting annoyed/frustrated when he smokes?

Split up from him.

What is it specifically that you don't like? Smoking generally? That he smokes socially when he (presumably) spent so much effort getting off the cigarettes and on to vaping? That he doesnt care that he still smokes socially?

(BTW i dont see how smoking can be social anymore, since fewer and fewr people smoke and the vapers have to join the smokers outside in the cold - why not just vape??).

But it does seem a bit dramatic that you actually avoid going out with him now because of the smoking.

If your hatred of it is rational (ie. No backstory), and he doesnt care then he wont change so its either out up with it or leave.

You can't stop yourself getting annoyed with something you don't like, you can't change, he can't change so you are not compatible.

I hate smoking and it was the reason I didn't want to get together with now dh. He was only a social smoker so for years only smoked when out and not with me and as time progressed he had less nights out when I wasn't around. He knew I hated it still though and knew I wouldn't ever be with a full time smoker.

Then smoking in side became illegal and at same time we were rearranging our life insurance. He decided for the few cigarettes he had a yeah it wasn't worth the increased premiums as being a smoker so decided to stop even the very odd social smoke.

I think putting your foot down on this has to be done at the start. I do remember saying to my now dh that he had better not let me fall in love with him then think he can up the smoking again as I wouldn't change my mind.

Lol my first thought when I read your post title was 'stay away from annoying assholes'.

And yep, pretty much that.

So what if he likes to smoke socially, his gf doesn't want to breathe in the stuff so he just shouldnt do it. If he can manage not to do it the rest of the time then he is basically just choosing to annoy you. Fuck him.

Him smoking should be a deal breaker, and it seems as though it is due to how much it bothers you, yet you're still with him. Your frustration and annoyance are only going to get worse, and you're even altering your social life to avoid it. That's absurd and untenable. He's choosing cigarettes over you, I would be walking away.

I disagree with most of the posters here tbh and think you're overreacting. Why does it annoy you so much? I can see that it's unhealthy and smelly etc but I don't necessarily think being as annoyed you are is a proportionate response. If that's the only issue in your relationship then I think it would be crazy to blow it out of proportion.

For context, I used to be a social smoker and as I got older I smoked less. I now have had 2 in the past 2 years but I've enjoyed the hell out of both of them!

@Bleepers obviously as a smoker you would think its an overreaction. But as a non-smoker I understand where OP is coming from, as I myself would find it to be a deal-breaker. I wouldn't even date someone who smoked socially or 1-2 a year.

OP this is a matter of incompatible vices in life. Like vegans vs meat eaters or frugal spending vs over-spending, non-drinkers vs functioning alcoholics. Personally some people can look past the differences, and others can not. But if its annoying you to this extent, I can't imagine your annoying will go away.

*annoyance

@autummalrain I see your point but I disagree I think. Anyway I guess it comes down to whether the OP can or cannot tolerate it.

Not wanting to date a smoker is completely reasonable. You are allowed to be annoyed about his smoking. However, you have to decide whether you can deal with it or you can't. And if you can't, tell him you can't and if he's unwilling to stop then you would need to split.

To add, I smoke (I know). My partner doesn't smoke although he did. I think he'd prefer it if I didn't but it's not a deal breaker for him.

My dh was like this, he vaped most of the time and only smoked now and again. I would refuse to kiss or hug him when he'd been smoking as the smell made me gag (I'm your typical ex smoker). He has now given up both vaping and smoking. I actually didn't care much if I hurt his feelings. If he wants to smoke that's up to him, but I'd not be up close and personal with him if he did. His choice