When I met DH, he wasn't particularly slim (neither was I), but not hugely overweight either.
We met at a holiday camp we were both working at one summer and he would try to convince children during meal times, to eat healthily and always seemed to be eating well and healthily himself. He played sports and was a lover of nice food (like me).
Just before we married, his mother told me he had struggled with his weight around 5-10 years before and that he had been quite big. I didn't mind at all when she showed me some photos of what he used to look like. I remember feeling proud of him for turning things around. Just to point out at this stage, I'm not a skinny mini myself at a size 14.
We had our first DC and then something changed. He began binge eating in the evenings, would make himself whole pizzas and half a bag of frozen chips even if I'd prepared healthy family meals. I wanted to lose some excess baby weight myself so went on SW and he seemed to follow suit,losing around 1.5 stone each.
We then had another baby and I put a little weight on myself, but he has ballooned. His BMI is 38.8.
Last night, he ate a 300g bar of dairy milk when I was in bed, a piece of fruit cake and crisps.
He's obsessed with chips and will order them with a chinese or indian takeaway in addition to bread, rice and starters. He doesn't really exercise.
For the past 5 years, I've been on a mission to improve my own physical and mental health after being diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. DH has sunk further into unhealthy eating and is clearly depressed by it but refuses to stop. He will no longer take DCs swimming because of his size, has issues with constipation, fissures, snores loudly and he has body odour caused by a fissure which keeps getting infected. We don't have sex and I've moved into the spare room.
Whenever I broach health with him and offer him one of my books, he declines or changes the subject. His sister has since informed me that he seemed to have a food addiction as a child. He binges every evening, staying up late by himself, watching netflix.
I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him or get him to be more healthy and that he needs to do it himself. I thought he was depressed but SIL has told me that the way he's behaving around food is the way she always remembers him behaving.
I'm terrified of his relationship with food rubbing off on the DCs and I don't know what to do. If I leave him, I'm worried it will get worse and that he'll feed the DCs junk food when they're with him.
It's even the way he eats, so fast and mindlessly. DCs are currently very active, slim and healthy, but this could change if they begin to copy him.
What should I do?