Is he interested

[TOPPOT]

Been with husband 22 years. When he dresses or undresses I can't keep my eyes off him. When I undress beside the bed he doesn't look up from his book or phone? He hasn't initiated sex for months partly down to depression meds making it almost impossible to finish. If he had the slightest interest in me would he look at me getting undressed or am I thinking too much?

You're thinking too much. Getting undressed is not a sexual act.

Thank you

Hi there, I am married 23 years and my husband came off depression meds last year, they are a killer for the libido. I think maybe he isn't interested at the minute but it is entirely due to the situation he finds himself in. I had to wait a few years until my husband came off the medication and even then it wasn't an immediate return to affection, it took a lot of effort to get things back to how they were.

The first thing I would ask is how long has he been taking the meds? Would he consider going to the doctor and discussing low libido and being unable to finish? Could he look at alternative medications/therapies? This can damage a relationship over a long time. I am fully supportive of my husband's treatment for mental health but it was an unfortunate side effect that we were living like friends for so long.

Anyway. Just to say that you are not on your own.

Thank you. He's been on them years and probably wouldn't cope with his stressful job without them so I guess nothing's going to change soon. I'm bisexual but have been faithful to him throughout the relationship but I'm so tempted to have an affair with a woman.

If he can't reach orgasm he probably wonders what is the point in even starting sex.

You sound quite harsh and a bit lacking in understanding.

He really ought to get help to deal with his stressful job or change his job rather than rely on drugs. They aren't the asnwer.

I can accept that.

The getting undressed bit is a non-issue, it’s just different people’s preferences. I stare at my partner when he is getting undressed (I’m not being weird - he’s a show-off and he loves it!) whereas I don’t think he particularly looks at me, unless I am specifically undressing for sex. And I know he is interested in me!

The depression/libido thing is harder, and only he can change this really, if he wants to (he isn’t obliged).

You aren’t obliged to stay in this marriage either if it isn’t making you happy. I don’t think you should have an affair tho. (Unless he would consent to open the marriage?) Poor bloke - he’s already depressed and then his wife cheats on him.......

My partner is on anti-depressants and struggles to finish a lot of the time but we still have sex and enjoy it, even if he is left a little frustrated. It's not all about him finishing and he does enjoy trying (and sometimes gets there in the end).

I am quite self conscious and have the opposite problem where by partner likes watching me undress but I try and hide myself away or do it as quickly as possible.

I think the meds are probably affecting him and you need to talk about how you are feeling and/or look into alternative AD's that might have less of a side effect on his libido? An affair never solved anything though, unless you are ready for your marriage to be over.

Thank you people. I'm not going to have an affair. You've helped me think about it from his perspective.