Do ghosters ever return years later?

[dramaprincess]

I was ghosted about a year ago by a good friend who was very important to me. Although the pain isn't as strong now, he is still constantly in my mind and I am left wondering why I was ghosted (very suddenly). Friend is alive and well and posts regularly on social media. I just want an explanation as I still feel like the friendship was left hanging in limbo.

Do ghosters ever come back years later?

Mine did. Female friend (frirnd friend, not girlfriend) started contacting me 5 years later as though nothing had happened. We communicated a bit for a year or so but by then I didn't want to continue any pretence of a relationship. I'd found the initial ghosting really painful and for a long time I wanted to know why but by the time we were back in contact I knew that no reason was going to make it ok.

Yea and usually they don't acknowledge the ghosting. "Oh why did we stop hanging out?" Erm...

As porcupineintherough says, give it enough time and you will stop caring. I was in a similar situation and it probably took me about 2 years to stop thinking about why I was ghosted. Now, 5 years on, if my ghoster reappeared I would probably have a brief, polite catch up of news and then move on. I definitely wouldn't try to reestablish a friendship, wouldn't trust them not to hurt me again, and wouldn't want to know why I was ghosted as I no longer care.

Yeah. A guy I used to know spoke to me constantly about 5 years ago, then just stopped, with no explanation or anything. I was hurt but not heartbroken.

2 years after we last spoke he messaged saying hey how are you? I was like ... erm.

I didn't even reply.

Yes. My first proper ex from my teenage years. Ghosted me three times before I gave my head a wobble. Surfaced the fourth time and told him to jog on. 10 years later, newly married met for coffee under the guise of catching up with old school friends and when he started the 'wife doesn't understand me' guff and made it clear I was the only school friend he was bothered about meeting I fucked off asap and told him to go home and work in his marriage.
5th time was Christmas just gone. Accepted a Facebook friend request - my relationship status is on FB, along with pictures that make it very clear I'm coupled up with a family. Got about 6 or 7 messages none of which I replied to or even opened and finally a goodbye one. So I guess he will surface in another 10 years.

Yes but you'll wish they hadn't.

Not always

I think they often do. A lot of the time, I think ghosting happens because someone doesn’t want to completely burn their bridges and put a definite end to a relationship. So they pop up again when other options either haven’t materialised or haven’t worked out. And the fact that it was ‘unfinished business’ may make they curious enough to get in touch again. Don’t engage if they do (or if you just, tell them you moved on when you didn’t hear from them)

Oh god yes, I've been in a relationship for 3 years now and they still pop up every now and then with a random wave or 'hi'

I just block

Yes, when there’s something strange and it don’t feel good.

It depends why they ghosted you. I’ve seen a lot of posts on here where an OP is saying they’ve tried to fade their friend out or politely make excuses not to meet up but the friend just isn’t getting it, and they’re advised to ghost. Maybe that was the situation with your friend, he just didn’t want to be friends anymore, you didn’t get the hint, so he ghosted - in which case, it’s likely you won’t hear from him again.

Is he in a relationship? Perhaps his OH is jealous or insecure and gave him an ultimatum and he didn’t know how to tell you. In which case he may be back in touch if they break up. That was my situation many years ago, with an ex who forbade me from being friends with anyone he didn’t like (which turned out be all of my friends.)

Have you asked him why he did it? Could you send an email just saying that his behaviour left you hurt and confused as you were unaware that the friendship was failing and you’d appreciate knowing what went wrong, won’t try to argue back or pursue it, just need the closure.

I lost touch with a close friend who will email me occasionally wanting to keep that same level of closeness between us with very little effort and reciprocation. I've stopped caring now, although it really hurt for a while. I suspect she is in a controlling relationship and her husband maneuvers things so she can't maintain friendships in her life. It makes me sad for her, mostly.

We'll never have that closeness again.