...to feel a bit creeped out?

[AWeeBit]

I dated a man for a short period of time a little over a year ago. It was long distance, we spent a few nice weekends together, but I realised some of his behaviours were reminiscent of a previous abusive relationship so I ended it after he went home. (it really sealed the deal for me when I was walking away from him after saying goodbye, and I felt relieved he was gone... that's not a relationship worth carrying on with!)

He was surprised that I ended it, and wanted to work things out, but it wasn't for me. He kept contacting me regularly for months afterwards, sending me photos of us, etc. It felt intrusive - he used more than one email account to contact me, and eventually I had to filter his emails to a different spam account so I didn't have to see them anymore.

I occasionally check the spam account, and he still sends me messages. The most recent one said "I will always love you"

We dated for a few weeks, a year ago. This is creepy, right?

I'm so relieved he lives in another country and his work has suspended travel due to covid restrictions.

Yeah that is definitely creepy and odd.

Even giving massive benefit of the doubt, the very best you could say is that he fell hard for you and is so unaware of his own privelege as a man that he doesn't grasp how threatening this behaviour is for a woman to experience. Also, has watched too many romcoms.

At worst, he's a deluded stalker who may need police action.

Does he have your current address?

Can you not block him so he gets bounce back messages. While he can still contact you he is still feeding his obsessive thoughts. Or just carry on ignoring, but my concern would be that if he knows where you live he try to come and see you once this travel ban is off.can you report to the police, so you have some kind of log in case things do get more sinister. Although if they aren't treating, or excessive (daily basis) and he lives outside of the UK I'm not sure they would do anything.
But yes, creepy. Men are such twats.

You obviously have a good shark cage!! And he's more than proved you right. Block block block and then block some more.

As pp has said romcoms portray this behaviour as romantic. Bloody things have a lot to answer for glorifying creepy persistent men's behaviour and showing women will succumb eventually if they just keep trampling on our boundaries! Cos us silly little women don't know our own minds and what's good for us. Hate the bloody things!

Having recently seen something very similar to this unfold between someone very close to me and a creepy ex, you should log all the messages with the police so that if anything escalates then they have a record of it. You also should not block the messages because then you will not have an up-to-date account of what he is saying.

This was the police advice, by the way, not me wasting police time!

Hi Op
I agree with you.
I am glad you trusted your Gut inituition and your Judgement of a previous experience of a similar dodgy shady ex..

Tell police your concerns about him
Allways keep any emails sent from him
Plus see if there is a computer facility that you can bounce back emails he has sent you,back to him.

It does sound creepy. You mentioned that he lives in another country. Do you think he could be trying to benefit from you in some way (for a visa, money, work permit etc) and that this is why he is trying to keep in contact?

I actually don't think he would do anything requiring police involvement. The nature of his job meant that he needed high levels of UK govt clearance in order to work here, he works for an independent contractor based in the USA. He was travelling here regularly for work, which is how we were able to meet up often enough to call it a relationship. I doubt he would risk his job on such a tenuous connection but stranger things have happened.

I definitely keep an eye on his messages just in case they are threatening, but it's been more the sad, sappy kind. Still creepy, but not scary, iyswim.

His stories of his exes pinged my radar over time, and he once told me he was destructive to property when angry but never people. It felt like he was softening me up a bit to accept worse and worse treatment over time. And this only after 8-10 weeks of seeing each other! (And mostly chatting over WhatsApp with dates interspersed)

He let his guard slip pretty quickly, all told, and I ended it as soon as I recognised the signs.

Forgot to add - thank you all for confirming what I felt. It's true, this kind of behaviour is romanticised, and in a film we would fall back into each other's arms after a long, tortured separation.

But this is real life and it's weird and wrong to do this to someone when the relationship is over.

I said I wouldn't respond to any further messages almost exactly a year ago now. And yet he continues.

That is creepy OP. Do you have social media? Have you noticed any strange friend requests in that year?

He will eventually get bored. If he was in your country I would say report to police for harassment but if your sure he can’t be of more threat then just carry on ignoring. Even a leave me alone message would only encourage him so just totally ignore and eventually he will get bored of it !