MIL problems advices needed!!

[Inthedoubts28]

Hi everyone! I've been on here before where I went into depth about my issues with my MIL and when/ why they started. From then I became very aware that boundaries were needed urgently. I choose to send a long message explaining why I was having problems with her. Times that the boundaires were pushed and the times she was outright mean. I spoke to my hubby before this. He was upset I'd not told him and upset I felt this way too but ultimately was supportive. When I first sent the message I ask to speak in person when restrictions when lifted. She was nice in the message and apologised but said she didnt want to speak in person. Either way one day she did and I was taken of guard so just brushed it off.

Anyway this was over a year ago now. And things have gotten worse again. Shes constantly undermining me. Nagging for us to get out son baptised because she had a nightmares . Even though we are financially unable at the moment and covid has been around since. Shes constantly telling me to hurry getting my drivers license. When we stayed at hers between houses she was constantly trying to shower with my baby and also hold hin when shes nude. Shes very comfortable in her skin and has even undressed herself in front of my friends ( who were uncomfortable due to religion) but i wasnt comfortable so was always able to stop her when she tried. She goes behind our back and buys him milestone presents because she wants to be the first. When his nose is congested shes tells me that if I'm disgusted of his boogers she could suck them out herself. Which she did to her children as she is part of a different culture. But this happens every time we see her as he has just started nursery. I stay firm and say no. But this list keeps going. Shes passive aggressive and I live far from my family and I cant stand it anymore. She makes me feel like a bad mum constantly.

So I guess why I am here is because I need advice on how to be polite but distant. How do I get her to respect me and my boundaries and stop finding new ways to overstep.

Shes getting married in April. So we are going to be Cyprus for her wedding I'm dreading it. So I need your help. Honestly I dont want to go covid is scary and going on holiday with a child who's 2 is already scary enough without covid.

Anyway please please can I get some advice? And please dont judge me. The things I've mentioned on here are nothing compared to how far she pushes us but I dont want to get too personal.

Thank you

Anyone?

Stop being so polite to her about her behaviour. If you're in the UK I think there will still be no travel in April.

If you don't live with her then just limit your contact and stop seing her so often. Are you in the UK? You've got a 6 weeks reprieve because of lockdown so breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy spending time with your toddler and husband

Where is your H in all this now; he is also key here. The two of you at the very least need to present a united front.

There is no being polite but distant with someone like your MIL. You ultimately need to lower all contact levels to zero sum with her. She was not a good parent to your H when he was growing up and she has not changed. Keep both your own self and your child well away from her going forward. There is no reasoning at all with someone like this and its not your fault she is that way. She will never respect either you or any boundary you care to set her.

I would suggest you read "Toxic Inlaws" by Susan Forward to further understand the dynamics.

I also doubt very much that you will be travelling to Cyprus in April and you do not have to travel there in any case, you do not have to feel at all obligated.

No way did my ils have my phone number.. My dh managed the relationship with them and dc... Back away, no law says you have to have a relationship with her at all.

If it is this difficult with her, I think you really do need to stay away for a bit, for your own well being, that would drive me crazy.

Explain to your husband you can't see yourself visiting regularly once lockdown ends, it's just too much like hard work and she is disrespectful.

Oh thank you very much for everyone who replied. Yes I'm truly hoping that we cant go in april I just dont feel ready for it. And dont want to go! And I know I need my time away from her but she always finds away. His birthday is coming up and shes already asked hubby to see him through the window and I cant say no to something like that even though I truly dont fancy seeing her even if its through a window . Hubby is really close to his mother which makes it hard for us to have these conversations. His understanding and always tell me to speak to him but at the same time I know he wishes we got on better and that hurts as I never thought we would get to this x