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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So confused, would love an opinion

13 replies

Happygolucky444 · 06/01/2021 23:43

Hi all, I've been dating my lovely boyfriend (aged 54) for a year. I'm a divorced mum of 1 and he has 4 teenagers. Hes been divorced 5 years but was married to the same lady for 25 years. He left her and at the time she bad mouthed him to their kids saying he had abandoned them. His eldest children have only just started to want a relationship with him after the divorce and he feels a lot of guilt. His ex was upset he found me and calls him up with a drama each time she hears we are meeting (one of the kids is ill when they aren't etc.) Or she rings up crying when he is staying over. I've been very tolerant so far. She told him he needed to stay in his village due to covid so he didn't pass it to his kids. I live a short drive away and he stood up to her to tell her he was still intending on meeting me (we are a support bubble). She built tripped him into thinking he is putting his kids lives at risk meeting me and he decided that we can't now meet up (but can still call/Zoom). I totally get it and would never ask him to choose between the kids and me but he has been my lifeline during the pandemic (we were practically living together). I have no idea when I'll see him again (it could be autumn after we are vaccinated) and feel like I've lost him. Every fibre of my being wants to challenge him on this but I think that would he selfish. I don't know what to think/ do.

OP posts:
Robbybobtail · 06/01/2021 23:47

My first thought is are you getting the full story? Can you trust that what he’s saying is the truth? Why did his dc’s not want to see him after the divorce?

She could obviously be batshit and still in love with him but it sounds weird if they’ve been divorced for 5 years..

Silenceisgolden20 · 06/01/2021 23:49

Honestly.......it doesn't bode well.
It seems the ex would find any reason ,if it wasnt this, to still tell him what to do.
I think deep down you suspect this.

parsnipsnotsprouts · 06/01/2021 23:49

Nah it's bs. He's lost interest

Happygolucky444 · 06/01/2021 23:51

Eldest DC blamed him for hurting their mum, they are very close to her. My partners siblings speak about the ex often so I've heard lots of stuff/ the back story via them (and often overhear her on the phone).

OP posts:
Silenceisgolden20 · 06/01/2021 23:53

Has he been losing interest? Are there other signs?

Happygolucky444 · 06/01/2021 23:55

Not at all, we've just had a lovely weekend together, we are zoom calling tomorrow and he has called every day as he always has so no signs

OP posts:
Silenceisgolden20 · 06/01/2021 23:59

How do you normally react when she calls crying?

Happygolucky444 · 07/01/2021 00:00

In pretty good about it, I don't kick off, even though it's annoying

OP posts:
Silenceisgolden20 · 07/01/2021 00:01

Have you told him how you feel about it?

billy1966 · 07/01/2021 00:04

OP,

Move on.

You are not a priority.

He has 4 children that have to come first.

Cut your losses.

Flowers
seensome · 07/01/2021 00:06

I would think he's lost interest or a complete walk over, nothing stops you when you really want to be with someone and why would she need to know what he's doing and who he's seeing.

NiceandCalm · 07/01/2021 00:39

He's been divorced 5 years but was married to the same lady for 25 years. Is there any significance to this disjointed sentence?
After 5 yrs everything should have been sorted. Boundaries should have been laid.
I think you should walk away, show him you are worth more.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 07/01/2021 01:06

I would say there's always two sides to a story. Yeah she could be a bitter ex, not denying that but he could not be telling you the truth too

Covid....i kind of get that, everyone is uneasy at the moment. What's your situation with working and risk etc

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