Would this piss you off/ could you be arsed with this?

[YouAbsoluteLittleBugger]

I’ve been seeing a man (I’ll call him S as I hate ‘boyfriend’ as I’m too old) since beginning of August, we were spending a couple of days a week together, he asked us to be exclusive at the beginning of September. He told me he loved me over Christmas. I didn’t say it back, just said that I don’t feel I know him well enough yet but I really do like him and I think we have a great connection. The sex is amazing, I really do think he’s an incredible person and I have never met anyone at all like him before.

But, obviously now it’s lockdown again and God knows how long it could last this time. I’m bubbled with my dm and we both have kids so no way we’ll be able to see each other. I’m absolutely gutted that there’s another lockdown, like many people are. It means my exh will be coming to stay nearby for the duration as his office in a different city is closed again. He’s not a nice person and I find it hugely stressful knowing he’s nearby.

I spoke to S yesterday and got really upset on the call. He was really lovely and understanding. I said that I’d totally understand if he wanted to end things for now and we could pick up when lockdown ends. He said that he didn’t want to do that, he was in love with me, knowing that I can chat to him, send him funny messages etc. will really help see him through even if he can’t see me in person. He said we’d just have to really make an effort to keep the connection - he’d video call me everyday, once a week or so we could watch a film ‘together’ and pretend we’re on a date and have a glass of wine etc. As I was so upset yesterday he said why don’t we do our first ‘date’ today. He’d video call me at 8, I could choose something for us to watch on Netflix and we could just drink, chat and watch a film.

So after I’d put dc to bed I did my hair, put make up on, lit some candles, poured myself a glass of wine and waited for him to call. He didn’t call and I didn’t want to text him as I felt a bit daft. He finally messaged at 9.30 to say he was sorry, he’d been swamped at work and that we’d do it tomorrow instead.

But he’s working from home at the moment. His job in no way involves him being on the phone so even if he was crazily busy he could’ve just messaged to let me know. I messaged him saying not to worry, we’ll just do it another day and he just messaged back saying ‘goodnight, miss you loads xxx’.

I was a bit pissed off but not majorly, I just felt a bit daft having made an effort and essentially been stood up. But I had a look on Twitter and he’d spent the entire evening arguing with a complete stranger about lockdown rules.

It’s probably really petty of me but I actually want to just call the whole thing off now. I’ve got enough to worry about with dc off school and exh lurking about being a tit. I’m finding lockdown stressful enough already and I don’t want to spend the next couple of months hanging around waiting for him to call/ message and then second guessing everything he says as it’s often hard to properly judge tone etc. when it’s all just virtual rather than real life.

This is the first thing he’s done in the last 6 months that’s even slightly annoyed me. Is it daft to just chuck it all in because of this?

If he calls me tonight I’ll explain that I was upset with him not calling yesterday.

Why does he have to do all the calling? Why can’t you call him. I’d have called him last night when you were waiting for him, not sit there like a martyr feeling sorry for myself. I also would not have said it is ok to stand me up.

I sent my DP a message the other night saying that I felt a bit forgotten about in the evenings, as he doesn’t text me until 1am some nights. He said sorry for being a crap texting boyfriend and that he’d try to do better. But it’s taken us 8 years to get to a point where I feel confident calling him out on it without him getting defensive and starting an argument! Set out your expectations early on so you’re not dealing with this forever!

Obviously I can text him - and I often do. I send him nice messages, photos of us from precious years on holiday, memes etc and he sends a 2 word reply after 4-5 hours. It’s depressing. So yea sometimes I do want him to make the move, to show that he cares and send me a nice message off his own back, not just a short reply to my messages saying “me too x”

Previous*

I wouldn't like the easy, needless lie.

Mark his card.

Like his twitter rant so he knows you have seen it see if he says anything

I think I need to tell him all this as I don’t want him thinking I’m not interested. It will probably make him run for the hills but I guess that’s better than him finding out later and doing it then.

If he runs for the hills he's not a good potential partner anyway. Having a stalker ex is not your fault.

In general I think it's always a good idea to lay things out like this. I get how it can feel vulnerable to reveal whatever trauma and issues are rearing their head to a new partner - but being able to talk about what's on your mind is so key in a relationship. Keeping big things from the other and ending up second-guessing each other's behaviour (often wrongly) is not the way to go.

What Cavagirl and what Aprilx said.

I don't understand this "waiting for him to text you" or "waiting for him to call you".
I don't understand why you wouldn't have messaged him last night to say "I'm read - kids are in bed - shall we start our date now?" .

As for If he calls me tonight I’ll explain that I was upset with him not calling yesterday - I just despair. Why are you sitting there waiting for him to 'allow you to speak' ????