Hello, this may seem trivial and I know there are more important things in the world but I would really appreciate some advice.
Two years ago I met a man (from a different culture/country to me/Greece). He had such a kind face and disposition. He seemed so good and kind (and he is) and asked that we have total honesty and do everything we can to protect our relationship (i.e. no messaging/meeting up with others/exes etc). I found this refreshing and have been true to this. It was long distance at first (year 1) then he got a job closer to be with me (he moved to a job in England, I live in Ireland) but didn't manage to get one here. I moved there in March 2020 and we have been together since (apart from a month when he returned home). He is 35 and I am 37.
There is much pressure from his parents and family for me to move there (which would involve learning a new difficult language and giving up my profession and financial independence here for. a life in nature with a big family and hopes to start our own while farming their land). Pros and cons. I was open to this until a few things shook my confidence.
I discovered his instagam a/c in Dec 2019 and asked that he show me it. it was full of women naked/half naked and many looked like young teens. It jarred with my impression of him and I was upset. He said he would delete it. Months later I got an impulse to check and it was still there. I discussed this and he deleted it with me (later saying it won't delete).
he is an IT guy and online all the time. He deletes all tracks of usage. I couldn't sleep last night and was up doing work and on a whim I checked to see if he had tiktok and saw an a/c. I asked him this am and he said he doesn't have one. it was a hack to his email and bot generated. Discussing this he again denied having Instagram. I asked to see his phone (first time in whole relationship) and saw he had a new Instagram (he explained this away saying it was just connected to the new Facebook changeover and he can't delete it. it had no searches until I pressed some buttons and found to clicks he had forgotten to delete. One led to a young age 20 porn type a/c and only fans.
he says he docent look at porn but today admits he does.
I looked at his messages for the first time and there were lots to girls back in his home country but 3 stood out. One to an ex with regular contact and selfies back and forth (she fancies me he said). Two others to girls he only stared messaging after we got together. he knows them from work. its a foreign language but winky faces and 'are you around?' messages.
he said he got to know one from his cigarette breaks at work (while we were together). I didn't know he smoked! he said he told me and he gave them up for me. my mum died of lung cancer and cigarettes are always a deal breaker for me. I had no idea he smoked/quit.
I know boundaries/privacy/social media is a private thing that people are entitled to. looking at his phone (he gave it willingly) didn't feel good. What is my problem here are the lies to portray a different version of himself and they are fine to him it seems if I don't find out. I did trust him. I don't believe he would sleep with someone else. he is a good person. But I feel scared now and like my respect for him is less.
Sorry for the long message. Perspective on this from other women would be gold. Thank you