Is he worth it?

[LaurenRox]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and this is my first time posting :)

I'm really looking for advice with this one, I'll really keep it short, coz who likes to read a full biography right? Lol

Nutshell: Met a guy back in the Autumn of 2020, instantly clicked and had a lot in common. We exchanged numbers and continued to keep in contact through texts and phone calls. We honestly talk about anything and nothing. He has told me that he wants to share his life with someone special and he would like to have a relationship with me. As do I with him.

Everything was going really well, we were talking everyday, sadly just before Christmas, he found out a family member was terminally ill. Of course, I was supportive and caring but I cooled it on the "trying to meet up thing" as the news to him came as a shock and it didn't help that the news came Christmas week. I guess what aim trying to say is, I didnt wanna come across as pestering.

We met up, first time since the Austumn (socially distanced) last week and it was so great. We had such a great time and he promised we will see each other again.

Only thing is, we live quite far away from each other and meeting up really isn't easy and now lockdown again makes it worse.

I really like him and have not felt like this about anyone before, I am considerate when it comes to his ill family member but I feel Im the one who is doing the texting now and he is just responding to me. I feel he is more a phone call person. He says the right things but feel that if I'm the one not making contact, he wont. I guess my advice is what do I do? Do I continue to try and meet up with this guy or do I just shrug it off?

Thanks in Advance

Lauren xx

Sorry Op, he sounds like he's not into you at all. Stop blocking someone who would be by wasting time on this guy.

Some people are more phone people than message people but if it's making you anxious or overthink then he's not right for you ❤️.

It sounds like he’s got a lot on in his personal life and with the distance especially now over lockdown it’s probably not the best time to pursue something and sounds like he is cooling it. It’s a shame though.

Hi Lauren. I would leave him to initiate from now on. I learnt the hard way getting way over invested before meeting and distance issues.

If he wants to he will!

Hello, this may seem trivial and I know there are more important things in the world but I would really appreciate some advice.

Two years ago I met a man (from a different culture/country to me/Greece). He had such a kind face and disposition. He seemed so good and kind (and he is) and asked that we have total honesty and do everything we can to protect our relationship (i.e. no messaging/meeting up with others/exes etc). I found this refreshing and have been true to this. It was long distance at first (year 1) then he got a job closer to be with me (he moved to a job in England, I live in Ireland) but didn't manage to get one here. I moved there in March 2020 and we have been together since (apart from a month when he returned home). He is 35 and I am 37.

There is much pressure from his parents and family for me to move there (which would involve learning a new difficult language and giving up my profession and financial independence here for. a life in nature with a big family and hopes to start our own while farming their land). Pros and cons. I was open to this until a few things shook my confidence.

I discovered his instagam a/c in Dec 2019 and asked that he show me it. it was full of women naked/half naked and many looked like young teens. It jarred with my impression of him and I was upset. He said he would delete it. Months later I got an impulse to check and it was still there. I discussed this and he deleted it with me (later saying it won't delete).

he is an IT guy and online all the time. He deletes all tracks of usage. I couldn't sleep last night and was up doing work and on a whim I checked to see if he had tiktok and saw an a/c. I asked him this am and he said he doesn't have one. it was a hack to his email and bot generated. Discussing this he again denied having Instagram. I asked to see his phone (first time in whole relationship) and saw he had a new Instagram (he explained this away saying it was just connected to the new Facebook changeover and he can't delete it. it had no searches until I pressed some buttons and found to clicks he had forgotten to delete. One led to a young age 20 porn type a/c and only fans.

he says he docent look at porn but today admits he does.

I looked at his messages for the first time and there were lots to girls back in his home country but 3 stood out. One to an ex with regular contact and selfies back and forth (she fancies me he said). Two others to girls he only stared messaging after we got together. he knows them from work. its a foreign language but winky faces and 'are you around?' messages.

he said he got to know one from his cigarette breaks at work (while we were together). I didn't know he smoked! he said he told me and he gave them up for me. my mum died of lung cancer and cigarettes are always a deal breaker for me. I had no idea he smoked/quit.

I know boundaries/privacy/social media is a private thing that people are entitled to. looking at his phone (he gave it willingly) didn't feel good. What is my problem here are the lies to portray a different version of himself and they are fine to him it seems if I don't find out. I did trust him. I don't believe he would sleep with someone else. he is a good person. But I feel scared now and like my respect for him is less.

Sorry for the long message. Perspective on this from other women would be gold. Thank you.

@Seeking id start your own thread in relationships if I were you

Oh god! First time rookie mistake! Sorry for the hijack!

Hey Everyone,

Thank you for taking the time reading this thread and to reply. Im gonna hang on in there but wait for him to initiate conversation. If its meant to be, its meant to be. He knows how I feel.

No problem on the hijack, I hope you get your situation sorted. Xx

Lauren xx