Why has she gone back to toxic girlfriend?

[natalieyatalie]

I'm bisexual and 10 months ago started "seeing" a woman.
She had been single for 4 months.
Quite quickly I found out a lot about her.
Her ex was her only real GF
They met in 2009 till 2013 when they split,they lived together and both had children from Ex relationships.
Her ex used to hit her and was bad tempered and she told me they had a fiery relationship.
They split and her ex met someone else and got engaged.
In the mean time the woman I was seeing remained single (never got over her I don't think) and told me she slept around but never let herself develop feelings for anyone.
2017 she met her ex in Tesco (random ) and they started speaking again and got back together.
Till 2019 when they split as she started hitting and being abusive again.
Anyway ..she never truly let her guard down with me and still spoke about ex.
Anyway .she has gone back to the ex and blocked me on everything.
I'm heartbroken tbh
Her relationship was so bad
I don't understand it
At one point I honestly thought she was letting her guard down.

Anybody ?

It's obviously horrible that she's back in an abusive relationship and I hope she ends this ASAP, but as far as you're concerned, all you can do is draw a line under it and move on.

You were never together were you? Is that right?

No she wouldn't ever be fully together
I think she was always waiting for her to come back around.
She wasn't over her I don't think.

So you're hoping that she'll leave her and "be fully" with you? Honestly, this would be a disaster and you know it really. If that did happen, you'd always worry that she would go back to her.

You really need to accept what's happened and move on. I know that's easier said than done.

@PringlesForBreakfast she doesn't want anyone but her regardless of the violence /toxic behaviour.
I think I could be anyone and she still wouldn't want me as it's not her.

Sorry you’re hurting. It sucks.

Some people are just drawn to a bad boy type. Perhaps that was the case with her. She wouldn’t know how to handle a kind and loving relationship. She may have self confidence issues or feel she’s not worthy of anyone nice.
Sad really.

I think it was 50/50 relationship they had good times but when they were bad they were bad.
Why did she totally block me?
Couldn't we have been friends ?

"Why did she totally block me?" My guess would be the abusive GF. Maybe she doesn't like her being in contact with ex flames.

It must hurt. I'm sorry. You need to let her go though.

I think she just used you as she couldn’t have the person she really wanted, but when they became available again you were dumped like a hot spud.

She doesn’t want to keep in touch because she’s not interested or isn’t allowed to or feels guilty because she knows what she did to you.

Either way I’m sorry you are suffering.

It’s hard to listen to stuff like that when your heart is breaking.

But it’s a new year and you will get over that idiot and be fine. It just takes a bit of time.

Some people are just drawn to a bad boy type.

An abuser is not a 'bad boy type', she's an abuser.

OP it can be very difficult to leave an abusive relationship, many victims do return to their abusers as they've been made to feel that they're not worthy of anything better.

She said the first time she went back to was because it was familiar.
Surely by the 3rd time you know things won't work out and your a gluten for punishment.
I wonder if she will regret it one day
I can't sit and wait tho can I,on the off chance

On the off chance of what? That she'll leave her and come to you? Is that really what you want?

@PringlesForBreakfast on the off chance she will realise her relationship with the "ex" isn't healthy and regret getting back with her

But saying "sit and wait" implies that you're sitting and waiting for her. Not just for the relationship to end.

Do you want to be with her? Honestly?

@PringlesForBreakfast honestly..I really did yeah

No you can’t sit and wait on the off chance.

That’s what she did, although she made the time pass more quickly by dating you.

So I’d suggest you try and move on. I wouldn’t date anyone as they will be your rebound and you may hurt them, there is no rush to be in a relationship. Just do your thing and in a couple of months see how you feel. If you are over her date others again.

I think even if I did wait around on off chance she would never be truly over her.
I have to move on don't I.
I just can't get my head around her going back to that.

She's done you a favour by blocking you. As brutal as it feels now its a clean break for you. You'll never know why she has gone back, but you are free to find someone without such a massive hang up on their ex.

I hope you feel better soon.

I guess if she hadn't of blocked me I would have always been waiting around to see if she text.
Maybe that wouldn't have been healthy.
It's just shitty at the minute