Dating in Lockdown

[Somethingmavelous]

I'm single, just finished a short-term FWB type relationship and I'd like to start swiping/messaging again, but is there any point?
Previous to my FWB I was single for a few years, looking after an elderly relative who has since moved into a care home, so I feel this is my time (mid-40s, no children).

I'm really lonely, I would love to meet someone, even just for some nice sex and comfort in these difficult times. It's so frustrating to finally get my life back and ready to date, I imagine we won't be out of lockdown until the summer.

However 'dating' obviously this goes against the spirit of lockdown, I WFH so even if I caught COVID I wouldn't be likely to pass it on.

Anyone got any advice? I feel so low at the moment. (I know everyone does - but I am literally alone!)

Virtual dating is an option if you use apps like Bumble, Tinder or Hinge. Video dates can be quite alright actually - there's games you can play, or just drinks and a chat. And then if you both like each other you can legally bubble up and spend physical time together.

At the minute I think you can still meet one other person outdoors for exercise - so you could do a walk or bike ride too before you decide to bubble.

I don't think there is a point at the moment. I'm leaving it until post vaccine.

It can be difficult but I'm seeing friends for walks sometimes.

I don’t see the point either, and I think it’s a bit weird to bubble with what is basically a stranger! Lots of men looking for “bubbles” on tinder though (I only downloaded it to have a look no intentions of meeting atm) makes me wonder how many other “bubbles” they have. I also would be a little bit suspicious of anyone who hasn’t got a bubble (friends/family) and you can only have one bubble.

@Givemeabreak88

I also would be a little bit suspicious of anyone who hasn’t got a bubble

You've got to be joking?!

Actually yes it would raise a bit of a red flag to me that perhaps he was a bit of a hermit or a loner if he has absolutely no friends or family to bubble with, that he needs to look for a stranger. Yes that would be a bit off to me, in the same way if someone posted saying they met a man and he has no friends people would say it was a red flag.

@Givemeabreak88

Just to say the OP has said she's lonely and has no one, which I guess means no support bubble.... Are you saying that makes her weird?! If so that's not a very kind thing of you to say.

@Givemeabreak88

Also having friends is not the same as having someone to bubble with, is it? Do you think friends in your 40s (OPs age) don't have families or children and other priorities, and are available to bubble with a friend? Or considered that families may not live close enough to bubble.

Quite shocked at your lack of empathy and awareness of the circumstances that mean single people may not always have people who prioritise them to bubble with.

I am single, like I said it would be a bit of a red flag to me, I never said it was weird I said bubbling with a stranger is weird as you barely know that person so yes I do think it’s weird to form a “support” bubble with some randomer you barely know. I wonder what’s going to happen when these “support” bubbles that people have formed turn out to be nut cases and people have come to reliant on them as they have no other form of support.

Go on dates. I have been trying to date in lockdown and it is hard. But it has removed the guys who are only interested in one thing.

I have probably gone on dates with people I wouldn’t have considered pre covid abs made friends, rather than dates. Walked many parks and had lots of interesting conversations.

Guy I am dating has made the effort. He said traditionally dates in restaurants was his thing. Before lockdown 3 he made us a picnic to have in a cold park. But effort made. We have had inventive dates.

Moving to the next stage is going to be hard as we both have bubbles. But something to discuss.

Often people can't bubble with friends because friends are bubbled with vulnerable family members.

Of course which is why I said a bit of a red flag, tbh I’m surprised more people aren’t worried about the risks of online dating atm, I’m sure there are certain types of men that would love to know that a woman has zero other support, is alone, and can’t see anyone else but them. Yeah that’s not going to attract the wrong types at all 🤔 hence why I said I wouldn’t date at the moment, maybe just chatting online at most.

Well that escalated quickly.

@Givemeabreak88

I am single

I wonder why...

I don't actually live alone, I have a flat mate (and a dog) and I have friends nearby for walks etc. My family love abroad so I can't see them, but we message/talk most days.
I don't consider myself vulnerable, but this latest lockdown has hit me hard (probably because Christmas without my family was tough) and I want some male company. I miss intimacy and affection and I don't want to wait until restrictions are eased in the summer (last summer we were expected to still SD) so basically I am hoping to find a single guy to 'bubble' up with - a FWB type thing which I am happy to develop into a RS if that's how it goes.

Im not sure why posters are giving a pp a hard time about finding it strange to bubble with a virtual stranger. I feel the same. I've been single for nearly 4 years, by choice btw, pre covid I was perfectly happy being single, doing my own thing. Since March I've lost two beloved dogs, have been wfh and have spent not only weeks without having a face to face conversation with anyone at times, as per rules, but have also spent Christmas Day and NYE completely alone as started to show symptoms Christmas Eve so cancelled my festive plans (with support bubble, who is my sister and her partner). I haven't cuddled my mum since Feb, I haven't been in her home, as she is vulnerable, since July. I missed my grandchilds first christmas, was unable to comfort my sister who suffered a loss last month and I have pretty much spent 24 7 at home, on my own. I'm not being a martyr here, I've met friends outside when we were allowed but dating... no way, apart from one SD date when lockdown eased, that then led to a 2nd date, that I cancelled as we went into lockdown again I've wrote off dating until at least April. What's the point, I'm not about to bubble with a complete stranger just for the sake of it, I'm not about to risk mine or someone else's health just for a date and I'm not about to break the law for some bloke online who is probably seeing god knows how many others too. Can we not really cope with being alone for another 6 months. If not then we probably shouldn't be thinking about getting into a relationship anyway. It's been so hard but I've tried to use this time to work on me. It hasn't been easy and I've struggled badly at many times but in all honesty, I'm an adult, this is serious and it's not just about me. I can't sit here ad moan about lockdown after lockdown if I was defying the lockdown rules and therfor contributing to the next one.

This might seem harsh or like a rant but I've not seen my mum in months, so many of the people I know are making such huge sacrifices and it annoys me when people just do what they want, for what, a date!!!!

It's the law, agree or not we all have a responsibility to do our bit, I'm expecting a bit of flack and sorry to rant but as you may be able to tell posts like these (as well as the latest lockdown are getting to me 😁).

@ALittleBitConfused1

The pp was given a hard time because she said she'd be suspicious of anyone who didn't have a bubble, like they were loners or hermits and it's a red flag.

Also, the Dutch Govt encouraged 'seksbuddies' and that's why our Govt opened up the option to bubble.

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/may/15/dutch-official-advice-to-single-people-find-a-sex-buddy-for-lockdown-coronavirus

OP, my friend virtual dated a man from tinder during lockdown 1. They went on socially distanced park dates (as was allowed), met indoors when restrictions lifted and bubbles allowed and have been in a relationship ever since. Both live alone, families very far away and they were both looking for companionship/sex that blossomed into love.

I hope you find the same.

No point

It doesn't seem to be letting me tag you doodallysally, apologies. I know what she said, and I agree. But what i meant was I would also find it concerning that someone didn't have someone to bubble with simply for sex. How could i be sure i wasnt one of of many bubbles.

I get that we don't all have family close by but if I knew of someone on their own, a work colleaguue or friend that was alone, in this position I would bubble with them to prevent loneliness.

OLD , which is how I'm guessing the op would plan to meet this person 'for intamcy' is full of weirdos. I would be concerned why they don't have a friend, neighbour or even a cousin or someone to bubble with, let's face it mist people would have. The other person doesn't have to be single too, they just don't have to be bubbled with another single person.

@ALittleBitConfused1

Because a lot of people would prefer to have a partner bubble they can share physical intimacy with and get full attention from: rather than a friend or neighbour who's got kids or a partner or other caring duties. This lockdown isn't going anywhere soon, and the govt has given you the legal option to bubble with an intimate partner. If you can find someone suitable, it's the best option.

Regarding family, a lot of people don't live anywhere close to their families. Bubbles are supposed to be local enough you're not travelling cross city/county.

That's why there are loads of reasonable, decent men and women on OLD looking for a bubble - even as just FWB. I met my exH (who is lovely) and current partner on the apps and have attended a few Tinder weddings so have a very different view of it.

Trust me there are very few decent men on old at the best of times let alone now, during a pandemic, when so many aren't abiding by the rules. If you can't guarantee that the other person is only bubbling with you I wouldn't advise anyone to do so.

Just like I wouldn't advise anyone to sleep unprotected with a stranger in the hopes they weren't sleeping with anyone else and potentially carrying a potentially fatal sti.

Yes, the government have advised you can have a bubble. I'm not sure how much support you will get from a complete stranger. Look i miss sex, it's been a while for me too lol. I'm just saying this is dangerous, I know that first hand. It's really not worth it and just because you can do it, doesn't men you should. Support bubbles are about emotional support, not casual sex with a stranger, that can wait, for all our sakes.

Oh and for the record is 'prefer' to see my mum in what maybe her last year of life but that isn't going to happen

I’m single through choice and the op is single as well so not sure about that “wonder why” comment , the op isn’t a single adult household either so isn’t entirely alone as she stated and is probably unlikely to find a man who is also entirely alone without a single bubble which I’m glad someone else has said it would concern them! Definitely a red flag. Plenty of men online looking for “bubbles” with strangers though so go and knock yourself out, but these bubbles were meant to be for support not casual sex.

@Givemeabreak88 just because you don't have a chance to date doesn't mean the OP shouldn't.she can bubble up for any reason she wants be it for sex or support . Stop trying to make her feel like she's doing something wrong by trying to date

@Somethingmavelous online dating can be ruthless so my advice is follow your gut as it's never wrong. There is nothing wrong with being completely alone with no support bubble . A lot of us are in one way or another even if we don't want to admit it

Err she ASKED for opinions, no one is “putting her down” I don’t WANT to date at the moment, she literally asked for opinions