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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ghosted by new friend?

29 replies

StarbucksQueen · 06/01/2021 11:05

I dont have many friends - which I'm fine with - and a couple of months ago I met someone through a shared interest, and we had quite a bit in common. We're both relatively new to the same city, and neither of us have any other friends here as yet.
So initially there was lots of texting, and meeting up for walks when allowed. We exchanged small xmas presents and she invited me over for a meal between xmas and new year, and then backtracked, saying she felt she needed to recharge and rest after a hectic few weeks - interviews/job offers..
No problem, I said I was around if she fancied a walk last weekend, but again she declined.
I started a new job on Monday, and got a brief text the night before wishing me well..I replied, thanking her, and asking a couple of questions about stuff relating to her - no reply.
After my first day I sent a text saying my first day had gone well, also asking her about stuff I new she was doing that day - no reply.
Then this morning was a brief text saying 'hope it's still going well x'
Nothing else, just that. No chat about what I'd said in previous texts, or update about her stuff.
Just find it a bit odd... my other friends were made through work, and have evolved over years, so not really great at new friendships..but it seems to have gone a bit 'all or nothing'....

OP posts:
ThriceThriceThice · 06/01/2021 23:17

Personally I think the replies you’ve been getting here are missing the point. It’s clear your friend has gone from chatty, texting all the time, possibly over-sharing & wanting to meet up to cancelling, not texting and avoiding any real communication. So yes, your instincts are right, something has changed.

However, nobody here can know what that is. Maybe she’s having a really tough time and she copes by withdrawing, maybe she’s decided your friendship is not for her or maybe she’s a nightmare ‘friend’ who blows hot and cold.

If you value the friendship, I would give it some space and then see if you can go for a walk and ask her face to face if she’s OK and mention that you noticed she’s seemed a bit withdrawn and you’re worried about her. But honestly, I’d take a step back - it all sounds a bit intense and full on.

StarbucksQueen · 07/01/2021 02:13

@ThriceThriceThrice you have hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what has happened.
I do want to be friends, and will let her take the lead, and see how things go.

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 07/01/2021 13:48

Just another thought - is she a bit jealous that your new job is going well and you are, naturally, buoyant about that ?

There are quite a few people who are happy to share bad times/commiserate over misfortune, but suddenly turn a bit frosty if things start to go well for the other person. Or she could just be feeling a bit down and left behind.

StarbucksQueen · 07/01/2021 16:31

@IrmaFayLear..another good point, but I had said to her that as I'd been in the town for a while before she arrived, my job and house progress was already underway before we met, and I hoped she'd have just as much luck as I'd had...anyway, this morning shes texting like theres no tomorrow, wanting to meet on days when she already knows I'm at work, and has been to work at a job that started on the 4th (that she'd told me she was going to turn down) - but it was that bad she resigned from it this morning!!...I cant keep upShock

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