Part narc?

[chickennugget501]

Can someone be a partial narcissist? I've been with DP 2 years, lived together 6 months. Since we've lived together I often have a feeling of unease and anxiety around him. I've looked up narcissist and he fits some but not all traits. I love him but I feel scared, anxious and unsure around him.

Traits:
He love bombed me at the start of our relationship.
He is SO sensitive to even perceived criticism. Any challenge to his opinion even.
He talks as if his experiences are fascinating and important.
He rarely asks about me - my day or my opinion.
He will always disagree with me. Amy casual comment about something on tv, he'll disagree. I don't even bother commenting now.
He often talks to me with contempt and irritation, for no apparent reason

BUT

he's a very good dad to his DD 10 (he has her full time)
He tells me he loves me and seems to feel terrible if he's upset me
He can be really affectionate and loving, so I often feel confused about how he feels.

Any insights?

Would a label help? He doesnt sound very respectful of you at all.

I dated someone with these traits. I got out early as I felt abused. Sometimes the only label a person needs labelling with is arsehole.

Why does it need a title? You've only lived together for 6 months, and you're already wary of him.

Well if you're helping him with his DD of course he won't want you to leave will he? Thats why his contempt towards you only comes out sometimes, when he isn't able to mask it.

Over-sensitive, disagreeable, contemptuous. Upsets you. Unless he's the last man on God's earth - which he isn't - why are you even bothering with him?

Just 2 years together you should still be in your "honeymoon period" as it were anyway.

Thank you. You are of course right. I'm not looking for a label, I'm just trying to understand. I'm not at the point of wanting to leave, I don't know why I posted really

That's how they make you feel. I don't live with one but been texting one since August. Over Christmas he was home after working away, we don't live near each other but he only phoned me once, he took hours to reply to messages then got angry his words because I asked on twitter if anyone was up for a chat. He is a oneupper. Yesterday I was cold he didn't say anything other than cold? Try this and sent me a weather screen shot of where he is. He is always making me feel depressed and anxious and I don't have to live with him.

Why aren't you at the point of wanting to leave?

There's no coming back from contempt. He'll get worse.

You're scared of him but you're not ready to leave yet...

We all, to a greater or lesser degree, have traits that could be called narcissistic. Up to a point, it’s healthy to, for example, take pride in achievements or your appearance. Certainly the traits you describe don’t sound especially healthy or helpful, and I’d be especially concerned about contempt. It also sounds as though the perceived sensitivity to criticism acts as a barrier to you addressing difficulties with him directly. You sound troubled and a bit lonely in the relationship. What are the good points about being with him for you?

Do not bother with trying to understand him; it will merely tie you up in knots as you are now.

Why are you not at the point of wanting to leave?. What is preventing you from going?.

This man targeted you and deliberately so; he love bombed you at the start of the relationship, an action that should have made you run then. But it did not, why?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, what example were you shown?.

You are in a relationship with an abusive man. That is the long and short of it here. How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

No. Not all narcissists have all the traits but someone either is or isn't one.

I think officially they only need 2 out of the official 9 character traits to be considered a narcissist currently. Unless its changed again.

Just the fact you are questioning it is enough. If you have these anxious feelings now, it’s only going to get worse.
I know the thought of leaving is terrifying but it’s so much better and healthier to be alone than with someone who makes you feel this way, no matter what the label is.
I left my relationship last month because of similar feelings. We didn’t live together so logistically, it was simple but best decision ever. I have peace in my life now and also know what I don’t want in a new man!
Don’t put up with misery, life really is too short and you deserve better

There's narcissistic personality type, narcissistic traits, and full blown diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder or malignant narcissists. Sociopaths and psychopaths can also be narcissistic but sociopaths tend to be more calculating and psychopaths are different again, some research suggesting different physiological responses. It's all very controversial. As someone said you have to have a number of traits to qualify as a narcissist with NPD.

Bottom line is your relationship doesn't sound that nice and your partner sounds like a bit of an arsehole.

I feel scared, anxious and unsure around him

Is that how you want to live your life?

It's a lot harder to hide your true self when living together. 6 months in and you now have a list of awful behaviour. Your self esteem and confidence is being eroded, you need to act before its gone completely and you 'don't have the strength' to get out. Don't get caught up in sunk costs, better to cut and run now then spend the next 50 years being downtrodden.