I suppose it's because we have big problems. Together 20 years, married 10 with 3 dc. We had such a strong and affectionate relationship before having kids, it's difficult for me to think of us like that we're so different now.
Basically dh doesn't recognise when I don't need help but doesn't offer when I do. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Example: I'm looking at YouTube for kids. It takes a minute, page reloading etc, he'll then explain how to search for something, I am well able to do this. I say something like, oh really? Thanks dh! I shouldn't as I know it annoys him but it's dead basic stuff, and I always ask for help and appreciate it when I need it. He is so cross as he says, can you not graciously accept help. This started years ago, he has tried to explain things that I may have studied, things I have worked on, things I'm reading... It's sometimes a joke between us but he can't see why it annoys me.
He is not so helpful other times.I slept terribly a few days over Christmas and despite being off work he would never say to back to bed or really show any concern. He's not empathetic and I would have to be visibly injured before he becomes concerned, same with the kids especially DD. I
If I raise anything I get a full character assassination. I am not without blame as he has felt lonely and unloved during last few years and I try to remember that. We don't have a good sex life and that really upsets him. I am willing to work on this but he hasn't done anything about a problem I raised (which is fixable with doctor).
He's not properly talking to me again and I am worried . Also every thing I have raised in this post, he has a similar story for me, e.g. I speak to him horribly, I'm moody, lots of things not sure I agree with but I know it's not all his fault. We haven't ever done counselling and we should. Separating would financially destroy us right now too but I do think about it.