Does your Dh care for when your unwell

[Ameilia89]

So as you can see from title want to ask whether your other half ever seems to care when your feeling ill

This is something I've never thought of throughout our 4 year marriage with 2 kids youngest only 5 months.
I've been very poorly since Xmas and been in out hospital for terrible tummy pains and now just have achy body, headache, fatigue all cold and flu symptoms.
DH gone back to work today hes self employed and mid day i asked him if he could come home before dinner (7 ish) he kept saying i need to finish this job il try. Fast forward since 8pm been feeling shit, tried calling no answer. Calls at 10pm saying im on route home now.

By this time I've fed the kids and got them in bed. Hes come home and goes whats wrong with you. I've ignored it, he asked again i go find you very selfish.

I feel as if he doesn't really care for me. Never asks if im ok when im poorly, never sees if id like anything etc..

Am i wrong for feeling so upset and just having the thought 'when im old and unable to do anything, will this man even have any feelings' will this man really be my comfort place. I often feel as if I've married the wrong person but then i end up feeling bad for the kids. I do love him but his selfishness is taken a toll on me

Plus Hes decided to sleep in the guest room as im just a drama queen and moody

Thanks for reading me rant away as i cant tell anyone in real how im feeling

And if none of those solutions are possible, how about working until 7pm at night which would be a full three hours earlier than the time he actually did get home.

If I'm not well my dh just takes over. I could leave ds with him and not have a single worry or thing to think about. You sound quite unwell, your dh should have helped if you asked. You didn't say come home immediately you just asked earlier.

DP is very good to me when I'm ill. Cooks me nourishing food, brings me hot drinks, goes out to get medicines, good with either cuddles or giving me space, whichever I prefer. It's never occurred to me to ask him to come back from work to look after me though, and he wouldn't unless it was major.

Mine is useless if I’m ill. He was useless when I was pregnant too and positively unhelpful in labour. Recovering from a section, he’d insist we all had to go to the park and I’d end up having to carry the car seat (and everything else) because he had a sore back/shoulder/neck and/or he had to ensure his older children got into the car.

Funnily enough, since the pregnancy I’ve found it much harder to be sympathetic to his ailments, about which he makes an enormous fuss. He’s started complaining that i have no empathy, and I used to do X, Y, Z for him. Thing is, that was before I realised that it was pretty much all one way.

Does you DH expect a full nursing service at the vaguest hint of manflu, @, or is he pretty stoic and just gets on with things?

Thanks for your replies everyone..
I ddint put a gun to his head i just asked nicely if he can please come home for 7 fpr dinner and help with our toodler.

Just feel so shit that he cant even ask me if im ok. Hes left for work at 10 and didn't even come to the room to see if im still alive. I might be over exaggerating but id still care for my worse enemy if they were poorly. Ive had to be a soldier today and get on with it cause ive realised hes a selfish man.

Btw i pay all bills from my maternity pay be just needs to make enough money to pay his own bills. He doesnt contribute cause apparently hes saving up for the future

He was same in my pregnancys was working long hours and i had to stay with ny family cause i had a medical problem towards the end of my pregnancies both times.

Both times hes left me 2 get on with it day or 2 after labour cause work comes first

Mine is very uncaring when I’m unwell. I used to think I was being a bit precious, but now I see there’s a gap in his make up.

Are you 'allowed' to feel ill?
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4116978-are-you-allowed-to-feel-ill

This thread is a good read, it's from a couple of weeks ago. I think some of you may find it useful, I did

It does depend, my ex barely took time off even when the kids were born knowing fully that I had no help, but he had the kind of job you had to be there at that stage of his career. He would pick up dinner on his way home if I felt too unwell to cook though. My current dp is a lot more caring but circumstances are very different, he's the boss, can work from home whenever he wants (and only has about 2-3 hours to do unless there's a crisis) and no kids live with us as they are grown. My dad was self employed and never took time off!

My dh is really good. If I say I have s headache he makes me tea and fetched pills and books child tea and organised bedtime routine. I felt really unwell Xmas 2019 for almost a month, high temperature, cough, struggled to breathe, asthma playing up. DH brought me tomato soup in bed, did all laundry, saw to child, brought me pot of tea on tray every 2-3 hours. Cooked meals for rest of family and came to sit with me to chat every day whilst I was ill and did and put away shopping changed sheets etc.

Not read all the comments
But I had covid over Xmas wasn't awfully unwell but wasn't well if that makes sense spent a couple of days in bed husband took off on me shouting that I was insufferable and needed to stop making out I was dying ( I wasn't to add I just felt shit)
Honestly I'm still hurt from this even now so I know exactly where you're coming from xx

Ahh im sorry some of the comments about dh not helping makes me feel less alone.. And the ones who do your very lucky.

Feel pure shit 5pm and no concideation of how im getting on. Defo come alone to this world

What does this man actually give to the relationship??

He doesn't contribute financially (all in his name)

Does do his share of the parenting and house stuff

Doesn't look after you when unwell???

It sounds like he does as little as possible and only cares about himself!

in sickness and in health.... ?

Btw i pay all bills from my maternity pay be just needs to make enough money to pay his own bills. He doesnt contribute cause apparently hes saving up for the future

He's a selfish, uncaring, financially abusing dickhead and you're better off without him.