For the vast majority of our married life DH has been the main earner and had an Important Job. I’ve worked pt throughout.
He is now not working. It was a bit of a blessing in disguise during the first lockdown as we have 2 young primary DC in different years and I was working 3 days a week. We should have had it so much easier than so many couples who had to do shifts around each other. Should have.
One DC very resistant to any kind by of home learning so he literally needs someone sat right next to him to keep him focussed. No chance the other younger child can get any support from the same parent while that is ongoing. Often took both of us to tag team / rally round the resistant child. Even if resistant child focussed for a bit the other adult then has to engage the younger one in something to avoid interruptions. It was all awful. I know I will get told to back off, let them just do basics reading/maths but honestly we didn’t push them and even the very very basics were impossible sometimes to do. I’m talking about getting one minor part of a task done per day. Some days we just let them be when it was nice weather etc. Working was near impossible while the kids were awake as I couldn’t get a complete train of thought out of my head and onto an email before one of them needed something. I got really frustrated at my DH because I felt rightly or wrongly that he should be doing more to engage them or divert them. I think in parts he did try really hard but I still feel resentment because I just know if it was the other way around he would have massively complained about interruptions to his work and I actually am glad to not have had to experience how the hell we would have managed if he was still having to work. I almost certainly would have had to stop working. Anyway as it was there were snarky comments about how long I spent working and how little they saw me emerge. The fact is everything takes longer when you are constantly interrupted. It also fucking stings when I can’t even count how many mealtimes bedtimes and school runs I’ve done on my own because he was away being important.
He seemed more to think if DC weren’t actively doing school tasks they could be left to free roam, which I’m all for if it didn’t lead to fighting ir a huge whinge from DH when he discovered the mess (from dens etc). Unfortunately my DH is very sensitive to “mess” and my eldest is very practical and won’t be entertained by a screen for long so he is happiest making or doing something. The youngest would happily sit on YouTube all day so I actively try and entice her with activities to avoid that but DH seems to see it as a win if she’s not bugging him. They also fight and bicker constantly when trying to play together which means they can’t really be left to it.
I’m sitting working myself into a ball of resentment and annoyance that I am now working full time and I just know it’s going to be 10 times worse this time. He is just going to want to be doing his own thing (he has one of the dreaded Mumsnet hobbies and when he is doing something with that it’s like an obsession) and I am dreading the stress I feel when my youngest is constantly wandering in looking like a little lost sheep and I have to turn her away or redirect her because I’m in the middle of something. The look on her face is heartbreaking. I have been off for the Xmas break and it was lovely to be able to say yes to the requests to play every time. They were on an inset day today and it happened quite a bit but I was telling myself it was only one day. I actually cried a bit watching the news.
I just tried to make a makeshift timetable involving me working early am and late so that I can be on hand but I know I will get told I am over complicating things. I don’t even care if they don’t do any homeschooling as long as they are being engaged somehow so if it was him working and me on childcare duty, I would plan loose activities like baking / cooking /kids yoga which they really love. I just know he’s going to say or feel I’m dictating to him if I try and suggest these things. All they want is attention and I completely get it’s draining but for the sake of the next 6 weeks
I need him to step up and do it. But it’s not a conversation I have the energy for.
I understand this lockdown needs to be done but I’m just feeling a bit helpless that this is going to once again expose a load of cracks for me that I would rather keep plastered over.