What do I do

[mae2014]

So long story short, my partner of 2 years messaged a girl saying 'u ok' at 4am when he was pissed with his friend....

Backstory- I'm 24 he's 28, together 2 years, live together, he has a 6 year old daughter who I am very close with and has never cheated on me before. Always leaves his phone around and always lets me go on it if i ever need to without hesitation.. (e.g if my phone is dead and i need to call someone) Never doubted his loyalty and genuinely thought we had a future together.

We've been having a few rows and that particular night i stayed at my dads just to have a little headspace and he chose to go over to his friends house for some beers. Lets call his friend James..

So he rang me at 4am to tell me he would be leaving shortly..

Few minutes after that he had messaged this girl on messenger that he used to see before me... saying 'u ok''

She didn't reply and she messaged me to let me know to which I confronted him and he claims that he was messing around with his friend and apparently his friend had messaged a few girls on his phone - one text i found was:

James: Hey
Her: Whos this
James: Its james
Her: James who?
Him: James x
Her boyfriend then rang my boyfriends number and from the voicemail knew that it was in fact my boyfriends phone not James...
Her boyfriend text me a screenshot of these messages

When I got to our house I confronted him and asked about girl 1 and girl 2 - I went through his phone and these were the only 2 messages sent. He continued to explain it was his friend using his phone and then later on admitted girl 1 message saying 'u ok' must have been him and that he cant remember and hes so sorry.

I explained the seriousness of all of this and that I cannot believe he was stupid enough to throw everything away for a 'u ok' message

I know theres not much substance to the message but its just principle.

I don't know whether it sounds silly or not but I'm just really in two minds what to do. He says he understands how wrong it is and that hes not going to drink for a while as he always makes a fool out of himself (e.g wet the bed or say stupid shit) and he knows this time he took it to a new level, but i just feel like once this boundary is crossed, will it get worse?

Obviously I love him to pieces and my heads all over the place. Still at my mums until I decide what to do but just really unsure.

I have moved to Scotland for this man so that it was easier with his daughter (and my dad lives here) rather than living in London so I really have put so much into this and just feel a right kick in the teeth.

Any advice? Has anything like this happened to you??? Do i give him a chance or do i decide to end it?

Sounds like too much drama from a 28 year old man. The reaction of the other girl and bf reacted rather extreme too. Suggests to me that maybe theres been more too it than that text.

It is him sending them, of course it is.

Wets the bed when drunk? Only person I know of doing that was an alcoholic...

I agree op that it's the principle. Either I'd want him to quit drinking entirely or I'd be looking to leave him.

I would be running for the hills. You are so young, op. Don't waste your youth on this loser.

He's 28.
The ONLY chance I would give him would be if he quit drinking 100%
Although personally I'd have got rid the first time he pissed in the bed.
Idiot.

Get rid.

Ah god op . A man who texts you ok to somone only does it for a reply back and basically to get some 🤢 I have had so many u ok messages of men. Turns me sick . Always turns out they are just after one thing . He done it when he was drunk ? Maybe it will be a one off but I sadly doubt that

All of you sound juvenile tbh.
You are only 24 and been dating for 2 years. No need to be planning a future just yet.
Next - any bf who gets so drunk he wets his bed isn’t a ‘future’ material. It’s that simple.

Apart from that - all this drama is over ‘you ok’ message.... Really? Do you live in the world where saying hello or speaking with anybody one of you has dated is some sort of cheating? Is that because after hello they wouldn’t be able to keep their hands off each other?

Obviously - his drinking is a major issue here. And that needs addressing if the relationship has any chance of making it.
And at the same time - you need to get some perspective just as well and reduce drama. All of you seem to need that.

What is this with emailing each other over these non-event drunk texts? Are you in some small place where everyone knows each other and has nothing better to do?

Its so hard!! I know its bad but i do check the odd occasion and i've never found anything, just so bloody gutted because something so stupid has now led me to making a decision which is probably one of the hardest ive had to face before.
Especially after moving my whole life and everything to a new area, feels like such a kick in the teeth.

Yep.. our town is very small and everyone knows everyone unfortunately. Which is a pain in the arse as im from London and noone gives a shite about anyones business and they all crack on with their own lives!

I think it's more pure shock as this isn't his usual behavior so to message a girl when he's drunk is something i consider overstepping the boundary..

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

I would stay at your mother's and end this drama filled relationship with this man who wets the bed when drunk (alcoholics do that). Did that behaviour of his never really concern you?. You do not need all this in your life and life is already hard enough as it is.

Well, who wouldn’t want a 28 year bed-wetter in their life, he sounds quite the catch

God, why would you stay with an immature alcoholic? Stay away from him.

The real issue is his problem drinking. Focus on that rather than his stupid behaviour on this latest occasion.

Side note: you say you're at your Mum's but only your Dad lives in Scotland - is that right?

@TellingBone

The real issue is his problem drinking. Focus on that rather than his stupid behaviour on this latest occasion.

Side note: you say you're at your Mum's but only your Dad lives in Scotland - is that right?

Submitted too soon - I wondered why he was texting you that he was about to leave if you're not in your home at present?

I mean, he isn’t the one really, is he OP? Regardless of pathetic late night messages and associated drama, he drinks so much he pisses in the bed, you’re having arguments resulting in ‘needing time apart’ already and he has friends who, frankly, behave like 12 year olds.

I think those of us who are older than you can see that at 24 the world is your oyster. There will never be as many single men around as there are right now - don't settle for this loser.

Why are you with this loser?
You're young, smart, gorgeous...and as others have noted...the world's your oyster!
Why on earth are you 'settling', for a pathetic drama llama bedwetter?
Seriously, get yourself into some counselling sessions.
And leave the idiot before you end up ruining your life.