The silent treatment

[Rosemary26]

Hi, lovelies 👋

My partner has given me the silent treatment more times than I can count. This goes on for weeks, even though we live in the same house. Usually a fight starts after I try to open up to him about something, about something he did that hurt me or something I wish would change in our relationship. And while I’m aware that neither person might feel like speaking after an argument, including myself, I do always hope for some healthy communication and resolution. He lets the silent treatment drag on, though. I know he’s waiting for me to apologize to him even when I’ve done nothing. During this time we sleep in different rooms and don’t see each other unless he has to use the toilet. I used to not be able to stand this and would go to him and apologize for whatever just to keep the peace. However, I don’t do that anymore. I feel manipulated by this behavior. Usually when the silent treatment does finally end he’ll just come up to me and act like nothing’s happened. No thoughts to share. No apology. He just gets on with life as usual.

Is this crazy-making? Or, more to the point, is this normal for two adults in a relationship? We can never just discuss an issue about our relationship or something he’s done, no matter how I try.

Thrilled to read that you are not married to him, have no children with him and gave money coming to you that you won't be sharing snd you will instead be leaving. It's a great plan!

He's abusive so as soon as you can head for the hills. In the meantime go cheerfully about your business and do nice things for yourself. A glass of wine in the bath. Phone and zoom calls with friends. Switch on a tv programs he doesn't want to watch when he's sulking. Cook for yourself not him. Basically just don't give a flying fuck. Pretend he's not there.

This IS abuse. Thank god you are leaving.

@soopedup please, please talk to Women’s Aid. There is someone there for you. Please get out, this is not your life, you don’t have to live like this. Take your kids away from this monster. Their future is more important than him.

OP, thank god you have the means to leave. Don’t hesitate, this sounds horrific. Get yourself gone!

Not normal in the slightest, it is about control and abusive. When you're free of him you will look back and be horrified that you put up with this crap for so long! Get yourself away from this prick asap.

@soupedup another echoing cherrysoup - please do contact womens aid. My blood ran cold reading your post. Do it for you DC. He has weakened you to a shell of yourself. Seriously I would prefer to be homeless than tolerate that.

@soopedup if you do your financial prep and get the information and documents out of the house you will not be living in poverty. You would be entitled to 50% of any joint money plus at least 50% of any assets/pensions/other accounts. But you need to prove they exist. You don't need access to them but youlll need the bank/pension names and probably the account number if you can.

Staying is incredibly bad for your children - you are staying for them but the best thing for them is to go. He is HIGHLY abusive.

See your GP and get help - both with coping and with the start of the process of logging this abuse.

Emotional abuse

My husband 'used' to do this to me. The longest he gave me silent treatment for was 2 weeks. It broke me. I was never bought up like that but he was. So i knew it was abnormal. Id beg for him to talk to me and felt weak. Like someone mentioned he was very charming to others. I researched and found he had narcissitic traits, avoidant attatchment style which really helped me to understand why he did what he did.
He did improve, we would talk about how upsetting and damaging it was for me and how he also struggled. He told me he was really hurt in the times he stayed silent.
He rarely does this anymore and when he does he it is short lived. It took a lot of hardwork. We set a deadline to talk too. And iv learnt i need to give him a bit of space to think.
He told me his dad did this to him in childhood and its th way he copes with arguments. Him.and his dad didnt speak for a year once and this is how he coped. If he never opened up to me or showed improvment i would have left him for sure as it can cause long term damage to ur self esteem and drive u mad.

My husband used to do this. In the end I always had to apologise to end the dreadful atmosphere. He also used to tell me that he wore the trousers in this house and any time I did anything he would criticise it saying he wouldn't have done it that way. It's all about control and it's shit.

I used to date someone like that. Awful. Why would anyone spend their life with someone like that?

I've got a lovely husband now who has far too much respect for me to ever behave like that.

@Thistles24

I get the silent treatment too, and so do the kids. The only reason I stay is because I can’t begin to think how it’d be for them having to spend time with him when I’m not there.

But they are still spending time with him whilst you are there being treat like this.

My ex used to do this and if I walked into a room he was in he'd literally stand like a statue and stick his nose in the air. Hence being an ex, and I'm sure his mum is back to loving his disdain as he apparently can't afford somewhere to live where the responsible adult doesn't pay the bills? He'd also do the 'I'll swan past you so you can consider what you've done to offend me' stance 😂