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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me your stories of happy second marriages/LTRs

7 replies

peachgreen · 03/01/2021 19:25

My wonderful DH died very suddenly last year, leaving me a widow at 36 and a single mum of an almost 3 year old. At first I was suicidal and utterly mad with grief but as the months have gone by I have realised that I have no choice but to live for DD and do what DH would have wanted for me which is to raise our little girl and find some kind of happiness for myself.

However, I don't feel I can ever be truly happy on my own. I got so much fulfilment from being married, being a loving partner and being loved in return. DH and I had a very strong, intimate relationship - we were true soulmates. He was kind and loving and everything you could really ask for a husband to be. While I don't expect - or want - to find someone who is exactly the same as him, I really want to believe that I could some day meet someone else who makes me feel as loved as he did. And while nobody else will ever be my DD's daddy, I would love to find a male figure to be in her life and fulfil a similar role, and I know that's what DH wanted (because he told me).

So I guess this is a long way of asking for your own experiences of fulfilling second loves. Whether that's after being widowed or divorced or whatever. Especially if there were children in the mix. I am working so hard to get through each day and I just want to be able to see some hope on the horizon.

OP posts:
Badwill · 03/01/2021 19:53

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP Flowers

I don't have any experience as I'm just starting the process of my first divorce but very interested to read the replies to keep my moral up!

BackforGood · 03/01/2021 19:53

I'm so sorry for your loss, That must have been devastating.

I know many people who have had long and happy marriages which are their second marriage.
I think one of my favourites was the couple that rand the B&B we stayed in on our honeymoon. They had recently celebrated their Silver Wedding, having met and married some time after each of them had been widowed, having both celebrated their Silver weddings (+ more years) with their first partners. We celebrated our silver wedding not long ago, and I thought about them at that time too.
I hope things work out for you, but take your time. Make friends with people first. It is a big thing to introduce people into your little one's life.

peachgreen · 03/01/2021 20:26

@BackforGood Gosh, absolutely. There is no way I'd introduce anyone to my little girl until I was very, very sure and secure. She comes first and always will. And anyone who doesn't understand that isn't the one.

That's a lovely story. Thank you for sharing it with me. Flowers

@Badwill I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope it's as pain-free as possible.

OP posts:
Skatastic · 03/01/2021 21:46

I am so so sorry for your loss. So sorry.

It isnt even a bit comparable but I ditched my horrible ex and got together with The Upgrade 14 years ago and it is amazing. He is the absolute best.

Also now DHs godparents went out with each other when they were 16 and got engaged at 18 but god mum broke it off. They both got married to other people who in time passed away. When they were both 55 they got back together and have now celebrated 25 beautiful years together. ❤

barebetty · 03/01/2021 21:49

It’s not the same as a bereavement but yes my second marriage is awesome.

I think it’s not really fair to compare a divorce with your situation but my DH has stepped up to be a brilliant husband and step dad to my children.

We have loads of fun. Shared hobbies. Alone time... respect, honestly, err great sex!

I have no idea what you’re going through but sending you good wishes Flowers

peachgreen · 03/01/2021 23:53

@barebetty No it isn't the same and you're kind to acknowledge that but I guess the part where your DH has stepped up to play an active role in your children's lives is what gives me hope. DD is such a lovely little girl and DH was an absolutely incredible Daddy to her. I can't ever hope to replace him but I would really love her to have someone.

@skatastic I'm so glad you found happiness. And what a wonderful story about your DH's godparents! I definitely don't want to get back with any of my exes though...!

OP posts:
Darkbloom · 04/01/2021 00:31

really sorry for your loss OP. I know a woman who her baby's dad had been murdered while abroad, she obviously suffered horrific grief. A couple years down the line, she meets a new man by him coming round to her house to fit something (he's a builder) and they have been together for a few months now. You never know where you will meet someone... i hope you have some good luck this year x

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