How do I prepare my finances to leave

[ItsNotOverUntilIDecide]

NC for this, I've been on MN for a long time.

I wish I didn't have to write this but I think the time is near where I am going to leave my DP and I'm taking our children with me. (DD5 & DD9m)

I've no idea how to financially prepare for this although I've been putting money aside for a while and have a couple of thousand but not a lot.

We are not married but we have a joint mortgage which we have had for 2 years.
I work part time just above NLW & I contribute towards bills but he puts in more.

When I leave neither of us will be able to afford to keep the house but I will need somewhere to move to straight away. I'm hoping he will move in with his parents and let me and kids have the house until it is sold but I don't think he's going to make it easy for me.

Any advice how I move forward would be great.

Thank you

Hi, OP! So sorry to hear about this! Congratulations for having the courage to leave an unhappy relationship!

First of all - do you work?

Second - any family you could move in with, or any other options if the initial plan doesn't work?

Third - will he try and get custody?

Oh I am sorry, you did say you work. Any family/friends to help with childcare or any opportunity to go full time at work?

Hi @readingismycardio thank you for replying.

I do work part time and I earn just above the national minimum wage.

I don't think he'll go for custody, he knows he wouldn't cope with the two kids without me. I'm due to go back to work very soon after having the baby and I'm worried how he's going to cope, him having custody isn't an option.

I could move in with parents for a while but that would be a very last resort, the ideal would be that I have another home lined up so I can up and leave.

He doesn't think I'm able to do this and has always used the fact he doesn't think I can leave as a hold on me.
I'm determined to prove him wrong.

Contact Women's Aid. They will be able to advise you. Best of luck.

The good news is as you are not married the split is far easier
The bad news is there are limited financial obligations , legally he should pay for kids but that’s all

I’d get ready for (a) being homeless if he doesn’t vacate and (b) for him to use money as a weapon

In your situation I’ll get a decent Soliciter for a consultation
And drafting a letter to him stating what’s so

I am really happy for you, even this is a very sad topic. But you are brave and you're about to start a new life!

Having family to move in with is amazing and tbh this is what I would do, until I was able to save a bit more PLUS the moral support that I hope they will offer until you're back on your feet.

Fingers crossed, OP, and best of luck! May your 2021 be amazing!

If you sold house would you get any money from the sale
How much do you pay mortgage per month
Is he earning ?

You may have to live “separately together” in the house until everything is sorted regarding it being sold / another arrangement. Your DDs are young enough that you could share a bedroom with them (if there are only three bedrooms) fairly easily. It isn’t ideal, but nor is it fair to expect him to move out of a house he co-owns and pays more towards.

You can still apply for benefits (which you’ll likely be entitled to if you work part time for a low wage) whilst living in the house, as long as you are indeed living separate lives - stop doing any of his chores and make sure you sort out child maintenance.

My name is on the house so it is half mine and half his, the bills and the mortgage come from a joint bank account but he does put in more than me because he works full time.
I'm hoping to get all of my ducks in a row so when the time comes I won't have to struggle or ask him for help which is what he'll expect me to do.

He's not a nasty person and he's not usually vindictive but I'm expecting him to make it as hard as he can, he won't want me to go or take the children.

Seeking solicitors advice is a good idea, thank you.

I'll also look into getting childcare. Luckily I work weekends and he works week days so hopefully they will be with him at the weekends. I don't know what he'll want in the week though.

I can recommend a solicitor that handled my split
To get advice , send a letter and draft a parenting plan cost me £700 ish
You have property involved also
In the meantime save save save xx

He's not a nasty person and he's not usually vindictive but I'm expecting him to make it as hard as he can, he won't want me to go or take the children.

Neither was my stbxh. Nicest oerson id ever known. Be prepared that things will change when you tell him. It can get nasty very quickly.

@TheWindowDonkey thank you, I believe you're right. The cracks are already beginning to show which is one of the reasons I want to leave.
I want to get my girls away before they're old enough to realise it too.

I would advice having a spare bag packed somewhere with enough things for you and your children for a few days, can you leave it in your car if you have one? Or at your parents house?

You don't know how he'll turn and what if he was to turn nasty and change the locks for example if you went out? Sounds awful but just make sure you have the basics stored somewhere.

Do you have copies of all the mortgage documents, who paid what deposit, was it a deed of trust?
Copies of the mortgage statements, copies of bank statements proving the money came from a joint account.

Have a look on the CMS calculator to see how much he should pay depending on how much contact he has.

Save as much money as you can, possibly hide some cash somewhere you will remember and can be found. I know you said he was nice but they can turn nasty and if he cut up your bank card for example at least you could get a taxi somewhere or basics.

Is there much equity in the house? If you end up with over 16k in the bank you won't be able to get housing benefit (or that component of UC) and you also won't get it while your name is on the house.

If you'll be relying on HB to pay rent for you and your DDs, you need the house sold asap as long as it won't take you over the 16k. (If it does you'll have to use that money to pay rent until it runs out.)

Have you spoken to your parents? I think having them ready as an emergency place to stay would be a good idea. An alternative: could they lend you enough money to cover 6 months rent up front until you get your portion of the house sale? This would enable you to get out quickly and cleanly and your wages plus his child maintenance payments should cover the remainder of the bills.

I would second that be prepared for him to get nasty - especially over money as that's his only control - very quickly.
Has he ever been violent to you or the children?

I would assume you qualify for benefits, including housing benefit, can you check with women's aid or gingerbread or similar?

I would also be prepared that he might want to screw your weekend job up by not having the children at the weekend, or not turning up to collect/taking sickies etc when it's his turn for childcare - could your parents/friends step into the breach if you needed them too?