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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Completely heartbroken

21 replies

Erin36 · 03/01/2021 15:59

I am completely heartbroken and at a loss. My fiancé (same sex relationship and pregnant with our child) and I have broken up over a few issues which I think can easily be resolved. Not only do my self and my daughter (who she loves to pieces) have to find a new home shortly (we rent from my fiancé’s parents) but I am completely and utterly devastated. We are soul mates and we love each other very much. After a week of talking things through, I have decided to go no contact to give her a chance to miss me. She is staying with her mum until we find a place. She is the love of my life and we had so much to forward to: help

OP posts:

Diverseduvet · 03/01/2021 16:00

Sorry to hear how you feel. Does your partner feel you issues cant be resolved?

Hailtomyteeth · 03/01/2021 16:02

Sounds like she's all that for you, but she doesn't feel the same way.

All you can do is move on. It hurts, but a little less every day.

Westiegirl3 · 03/01/2021 16:04

I'm so sorry to hear of your upset especially with a baby on the way, does your partner feel that things can't be resolved?

partyatthepalace · 03/01/2021 16:13

Very sorry to hear.

What is her response to your feeling that issues can be resolved - It's it about something bigger for her?

I hope you can sort it, but it becomes clear you can't change her mind, do accept that and move on - very very hard though it is.

Original poster

Erin36 · 03/01/2021 16:14

She feels that things cannot be resolved but we really love each other.

Do you think no contact is the best way forward?

OP posts:

Curtainsarefab · 03/01/2021 16:16

Have you posted before about her being totally manipulative and trying to remove your DDs father from the scene? Sorry if that’s not you.

DillyDilly · 03/01/2021 16:22

If you are the poster who wrote earlier in the week about how your partner wants to control arrangements regarding your daughter’s contact with her Dad, then I don’t think your issues can easily be resolved at all.

Unless you want to destroy your daughter’s relationship with her Dad.

Denny53 · 03/01/2021 16:22

If you ‘ really love each other’ Anything can be resolved ! I think that she isn’t as in to you as you are to her.

Bluntness100 · 03/01/2021 16:25

Going no contact to get her to miss you is highly manipulative.

What are th issues?

BananaHammock23 · 03/01/2021 16:28

Sorry this is happening to you OP, it must seem shattering but by the sounds of it there are a lot of issues that perhaps she can't see overcoming.

I do think will be best for you and your daughter if you move forward with your ex amicably. You say you've cut contact to give her a chance to miss you... are you also expecting your daughter to cut contact?

Also re the pregnancy (I'm also in a same sex relationship), if you conceived via a registered fertility clinic and signed the correct paperwork you will have full parental rights to the child. I know this because I'm carrying a baby that my partner has full parental rights to, despite not being hers by blood.

Groovinpeanut · 03/01/2021 16:29

If you've broken up with her you must have had reasons for doing so. If they could easily be resolved, then you wouldn't have needed to break up, would you?
Resolving things takes both of you working together. If she doesn't want to, then yes splitting up and going no contact will be a healthy way forward.

MrsGrindah · 03/01/2021 16:32

I’m sorry you are hurting but your partner has a right to her opinion. If she feels the issues are unresolvable she is effectively ending the relationship. Going NC isn’t an option as you have a child that needs you to co -parent.

surelynotnever · 03/01/2021 16:39

It doesn't matter if you think they are resolvable if she doesn't.

Having been with someone who just would not accept it when I repeatedly told them the relationship was over for good, I can tell you it just makes you start to have contempt for them.

FlyPiggy · 03/01/2021 16:51

I can hear the devastation in your post and I really feel for you. It's not what you want to hear but PP is right, you can't make someone want to be with you (as much as you may want to).

I think it's best to give her space and let her come to her own decision. She may change her mind or she may not, give her time.

I know it's hard (especially as you have a baby on the way) but there really is nothing else for it.

Dery · 03/01/2021 16:55

“Have you posted before about her being totally manipulative and trying to remove your DDs father from the scene? Sorry if that’s not you.”

This. If that is you then - although it doesn’t feel like it now - you really are better off out of the relationship. The partner in that post sounded desperately unreasonable and dysfunctional.

Original poster

Erin36 · 03/01/2021 17:33

She is having contact with my daughter yes. We have been talking, texting, arguing, crying, going around in circles all week. New Year’s Eve we ended the relationship, both agreeing that we love one another and both in tears.

After an argument via text yesterday, we have gone no contact today

OP posts:

Original poster

Erin36 · 03/01/2021 17:34

In my view, true love conquers all issues, especially as trivial as the ones we have

OP posts:

PilatesPeach · 03/01/2021 17:40

Give her space. By being the one who seems desperate (sorry), she is the one with the power. As PP said, you cannot make someone be with you. There is the issue too of you finding somewhere to live - any rental will take a few weeks to sort out and you'll have to sign at least a 6 month lease, then of course I assume you'll have financial responsibilities towards your unborn child. Is there anywhere you and your DD can stay without setting up a 6 month lease to have some space but without immediate commitments?

Original poster

Erin36 · 03/01/2021 17:42

Yes I am in the process of looking for a place and we are able to stay here until we find a suitable place. She is staying with her mum xx

OP posts:

TalesTheCat · 08/01/2021 18:03

@Curtainsarefab

Have you posted before about her being totally manipulative and trying to remove your DDs father from the scene? Sorry if that’s not you.

Yes, and she has a post atm mentioning her GF trying to interfere in the OPs contact time with her DF

SlightlyJaded · 08/01/2021 18:12

I think you are the poster who spent some of your own savings on a personal issue that you wanted to resolve, and your partner kicked off? Wasn't that the trigger for all of this?

That really is not a reason to split up an entire family, so if your partner is prepared to walk away from partner and kids over that, I think you need to accept that this isn't about you being sorry/grateful/changing etc.

She needs to be honest with you and tell you why she is reacting like this. Is it because she was looking for an excuse to break up? If not, and she genuinely sees your crime as unforgivable, you are probably well shot and would be setting yourself up for a lifetime of checking she is ok with your actions and apologising when you have no need to apologise.

I think you need distance yourself for YOU, rather than her.

Sorry you are hurting.

Flip