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Original poster

He talks to the mother of his child every day...

48 replies

Colouritin · 02/01/2021 23:21

Is this normal?

They’ve been split up for over a year now and have a child together.

They message back and forth throughout the day most days. A lot of it is child related but there’s a lot of general chit chat there too.

She knows we’re together but there’s still something that doesn’t make me feel right.
I found out because he was trying to find a message to show me and had to scroll waaaay back and I could see the dates and times on messenger flashing by.

I don’t have children but this doesn’t feel quite right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Colouritin · 05/01/2021 11:53

Thank you, I really do appreciate it and it’s made me feel better to some degree.

I guess my main gripe or worry was the selfies, workout updates, and shared in jokes when we first started seeing each other that suggested to me there was still an attachment there.

This has now stopped but there is still a lot of daily contact about all kinds of things and not just child related.

We have spoken about it and he agreed that it was inappropriate and that he didn’t realise how much he was doing it, it was almost second nature.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 05/01/2021 12:14

Do you trust him to reel it in, now, OP, out of respect for your feelings?

Original poster
Colouritin · 05/01/2021 12:21

Yes I do and I hope it lasts.

It’s a worry that it was happening but I’ll just have to push that out of my mind and look ahead I think.

OP posts:
Iwantacookie · 05/01/2021 12:57

My friend still chats to her ex almost daily and their ds is 13

Dissillusioned · 05/01/2021 18:14

If its not flirty I dont think you need to worry. I was in constant contact I suppose with my ex, mainly about kids but also about mundane stuff. After 18 years it just seemed normal I suppose. However, once one of us started a relationship the mundane stuff fizzled out and its all about the dc now really. Thats probably what happened with your dp? He got used to texting when not in a relationship, so the fact the selfies and gym stuff has now lessoned is because hes with you and just naturally hes stopped doing that.

Eckhart · 05/01/2021 18:34

@Colouritin

Yes I do and I hope it lasts.

It’s a worry that it was happening but I’ll just have to push that out of my mind and look ahead I think.

Doesn't this sit uncomfortably with you? You think he'll respect your feelings straight after he's been told, but you're not sure he'll continue to do so? You're feeling you have to push worries out of your mind?
jessstan1 · 05/01/2021 18:37

How long have you been with him, Colouritin?

litterbird · 05/01/2021 18:53

My ex and I texted frequently, just normal stuff. It got more frequent when our daughter hit the teenage years as they were the "difficult" years. His new girlfriend then wife did find it difficult at first. Thankfully my ex was able to explain that his daughter came first. Th contact lessened when our daughter turned 18 and started to lead her own life. Now she is 22, her dad married and had 2 beautiful boys and because of the contact we had whilst she was growing up we have a wonderful blended family. We all get on really well and my daughter adores her brothers. Let your partner continue to be in contact with the ex. Its so much better than having animosity, it will turn out ok in the end if thats what you want.

Justbecause88 · 05/01/2021 20:49

It depends on wether they are totally over each other/if there are any hard feelings. I wouldn’t be happy at all with DH doing this, however his ex is awful. She hates me and pretty much everything she does has malicious intent.
If your partner and his ex get on and there is nothing there between them I think this would be lovely for their DC.

Appleofmyeye05 · 05/01/2021 20:54

Me and my ex speak daily, mostly child related as our ds is 1 year old. He sees him on weekends so I’ll send him updates of pictures, what foods he has ate, any nee words/actions and things he’s done during the day.

That’s pretty normal for me and him who are both single but I can imagine new partners not liking this when the time comes but I’ll always try be on good terms with him as he’s the father of my child and I don’t want my ds to grow up thinking his parents are at loggerheads and have a strained relationship.

BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 21:28

No OP.. several times a day ... every day wouldn't work for me.. 🌺

NiceandCalm · 06/01/2021 07:11

I've been in your situation with my ex - he had kids with his ex and I didn't have any. I struggled. Now I have a child myself, I totally get it. It's far better than the constant battles some people have with ex's - imagine being caught up in that drama! It's good that you've spoken to him about it and he's taken your comments on board.

HayJkl · 06/01/2021 07:15

It sounds like they have a good relationship which is a nice change of pace compared to a lot of separated couples with children. I don't see the harm as long as the convo doesn't cross the line.

Azerothi · 06/01/2021 07:41

They have only been split up a year. How long have you and your boyfriend been dating? Do you live with your boyfriend?

StealthRoast · 06/01/2021 09:50

This is a tricky one. My ex rings me probably every single day. Thing is though our ds is 17, nearly 18 and we split up in 2005 when he was 2.

I’ve been with my dp since 2008 and he’s been with his dw since 2013 and we both have another child each.

He bought ds a phone when he was still in junior school so he could contact him directly but still rings me for some reason or another.

Actually, writing that out has made me think it’s a bit weird. We’ve been split up for nearly 16 years ( he was 18 when we met and I was 20 and his first love ) and we’re together for 7 years but ds is going to university this September so am wondering why the hell he rings me still.

Sorry op. That went right off on a tangent. A year on and he goes around once a week to see the dog then I wouldn’t be worried. At all. He clearly doesn’t want to be with her.

gannett · 06/01/2021 10:01

So often the kind of thing MN sees as a red flag is, to me, the opposite of a red flag.

Amicable relationships with exes = a better sign than toxic relationships with exes, tick
Heavily involved in and committed to healthy co-parenting (and as per other recent threads shared pet ownership) = tick
Ability to maintain healthy friendly platonic relationship with opposite sex = better than the kind of man who treats women as a different species, tick

Selfies and workout chat seems to indicate exercise was a shared hobby. I think most people who remain friends with exes would continue to communicate over a shared hobby.

The important thing to remember is that none of the above is a rivalry to you - you are joining his life, not displacing what's already in it. And there can be more than enough room for you.

Coffeeandcocopops · 06/01/2021 10:28

@gannett

So often the kind of thing MN sees as a red flag is, to me, the opposite of a red flag.

Amicable relationships with exes = a better sign than toxic relationships with exes, tick
Heavily involved in and committed to healthy co-parenting (and as per other recent threads shared pet ownership) = tick
Ability to maintain healthy friendly platonic relationship with opposite sex = better than the kind of man who treats women as a different species, tick

Selfies and workout chat seems to indicate exercise was a shared hobby. I think most people who remain friends with exes would continue to communicate over a shared hobby.

The important thing to remember is that none of the above is a rivalry to you - you are joining his life, not displacing what's already in it. And there can be more than enough room for you.

This !!
Happyjodie1990 · 13/06/2024 10:52

Does this still happen? Is he still with the girl now? If so, why don’t you tell his girlfriend?🤔

Original poster
Colouritin · 13/06/2024 14:15

Gosh this was a blast from the past!

Not sure what you meant by your questions @Happyjodie1990 as I was asking for myself about my own partner….

Turns out though that my spidey senses were right and for anyone interested in an update 3 years later we’re no longer together.

OP posts:
Italiansocks · 13/06/2024 15:39

Oh no @Colouritin — did he go back to his ex?

Happyjodie1990 · 13/06/2024 22:28

Oh sorry I don’t use this platform at all and I was looking up that question because of my situation.
i thought I was replying to @cosmicbabe clearly I didn’t.
Im sorry to hear it didn’t work out for you. What was the final straw if you don’t mind me asking?

SunflowerTed · 13/06/2024 22:34

Did he get back with his ex? X

Kellyleeann · 14/03/2025 10:06

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