Hi everyone,
This is a bit of a last resort for me as I feel I am at breaking point and not quite sure if I am being completely unreasonable.
I have worked with a man for three years, same department, albeit in different offices and actually in different countries, around 2 hr drive away from each other. Weve always spoken on a daily basis at work within these 3 years regarding work matters. I had a couple of months off work and returned december 2019 after a family trauma, this man reached out to me on skype to ask how I was and I confided in him. We grew a close friendship via skype and work calls, we then began speaking outside of work in our personal time. I was in a 4 year relationship and living with my partner at the time and planning for children. This man in work was in a 8 year relationship with a baby of only a few months old.
Due to the pandemic we began working from home, we began contacting each other outside work all day every day and grew a great bond and friendship. I began falling for him. I spoke to my partner at the time and explained how i was feeling about the other man, he moved out for a few days and wanted me to make a decision.
The man from work called me, said how he loved me, that him and his current partner were living different lives, that he would give me kids, and a future. I left my boyfriend and have since spent lockdown alone and struggled with this. Four months later the other man told his partner he had met someone else and that he was leaving. He moved out and I had a few weeks where he gave me a relationship until he said he was going to go back to his ex and work things out for the sake of his child.
He moved back in, continued to talk to me, said he loved me but he was struggling to leave his child. Months later he told his partner he was still in contact with me, he carried on living there and told me they were going to a counselling session to sort how they proceed in regards to co parenting and making decisions on their house. Bearing in mind we had not met up face to face yet. A few days later i get messages from his partner, calling me a homewrecker, saying she will contact my work and let them know, that he told her i pursued him and seduced him, that he told her he wanted the counselling so they could work things out. He told me this was a lie, that she was trying to break us, that we should stick together. I took the hammering from her and said nothing back. The day later he blocked me on everything as she said she would not let him have contact with their child unless he cut me off. He unblocked me later that night and said he had moved out, we carried on our relationship, we met up, we slept together. He stayed the night at his exes 3 nights a week he said to help eith their one year old. His childs mum had no idea we were still in contact. Months later his babys mum was under the impression they were getting back together due to him spending nights there, spending evenings with her while child is in bed and ignoring me, she thought they were working things out. A few weeks ago we met up, he told me he was cutting me off and going back to her, he said he loves me, he still wants me but he is going back for their childs sake. I was broken, i got signed off work with depression, i lost two stone. I really struggled that i had made sacrifices for him, put my dreams on hold, for him to hurt me. The day later he told me he couldnt leave me. He told babys mum everything, that he wasnt going back there, he had been meeting me and having a physical relationship with me etc. He spent christmas without his child as baby mum denied access. He told me once she is calm he would start sorting the future, in reg to access to child, housing situation ect.
Since then he has started once again spending two nights a week staying at his exes house. Once baby is asleep he has food with babys mum ect and ignored my messages as he said he doesnt want to be disrespectful towards her and hurt her even more. They have not spoken about the future, about anything that has happened this past year. Are just ignoring it and carrying on with nights over there again? He reassures me that this wont be forever, that he is only there for the child, not to fix the relationship.
Am i wasting my time here? It has been a year and I love this man deeply but feel he is being disrespectful towards both me and babys mum. Help please.