Children of divorced parents - help

[Onlinedilema]

Hi
I’m asking for the opinions of those whose parents are divorced/separated. I’m divorced and in a happy place. My ex h and I unfortunately had a very acrimonious divorce. I tried to keep things pleasant and at first so did my ex h. However there was an OW and as soon as she got involved my ex changed. I’m not excusing his behaviour at all. Now my issue is my dds will not have anything to do with their father or the OW ( they are still together) at first they did. Ex h has said that one day he hopes his dc will see him and OW and he hopes he will be present if they get married etc. Ideally I would like this but it’s not for me to decide. Has anyone here had any experience of this as a child and did you manage to form a good relationship with your estranged parent afterwards? Thanks.

My parents very nearly divorced and I wish they had . There was another womsn in fact many and my loyalty throughout was to my mum. It still is and would have remained so probably now. I know thats probably not helpful but that's all I needed

My parents divorced when I and my siblings were in our early/mind 20s, 20ish years ago. Dad left for another woman but maintains that he didn't - she knew he was married but did everything she could to get him and she succeeded. My siblings and I are all in regular contact with dad now but have greater or lesser contact with his wife. My sister invites her to her family occasions (eg communion, confirmation, big birthdays). I choose not to. I'm the only one to have got married since their divorce and she was not invited. Dad unhappily mutters at family events she's not invited to and makes a show of spending the minimum acceptable time at things. It's hard and tiring.

Hi online -I’m not sure what your asking really - how old are the children?
Did they had a good relationship with him before he left.
Are your children happy without him - research shows it takes one “good enough parent” for a child to be healthy.
Does he make any effort to see them or speak to them on the phone.
It will be up to your children if they go to his wedding.
You could say it’s not your issue to fix.

My son who is 11 did not go to his Dads wedding last year.
He is really struggling with the new wife.
It’s a very difficult transition for children - and us too as we need to deal with the fall out.

Thanks for the replies. One of the main issues was ex h began to refuse to see the dc without Ow and my dcs were expected to play happy families with her dcs even though they had nothing in common with them and are older. Ow used to says things to my dcs such as “When is your mother going to sell the family home, the home my dcs were living in and always had, so that your father can have some money?” Ex h told my dcs that he would not see them without OW being present and especially dd1 grew to despise her. They had to sit there and watch the rest of them eat dinner for example. They were told to “Make your own way” to their fathers wedding. Ow’s dcs went in a proper wedding car. My youngest was under 16 at the time and neither of them had a car, I was working. I know it must hurt them. Just wondering if anyone had overcome this or if most people are just nc.

My parents divorced when I was 10.

It was a very bitter and acrimonious divorce and my mother maintained that bitterness until the day she died- 40 years after they divorced.

I'm sad to say that I had no contact with my Dad for several years in my teens- this was entirely due to my mother's relentless campaign to paint him in the worst possible light.

However, when I grew up and started to think about things, and recognise the part my mother had to play in the whole sorry business, I changed my mind. My stepmother played a part- she told me how much my dad missed me and how much he hoped that I would get in contact one day.

I did, in the end, somewhere in my early 20s, and I am so happy that I did. A lot came out that I had been unaware of, or deliberately misled about.

We remained close until he died a few years ago.

Most of my time, after the divorce, was spent with my mother. I rarely got to see my father, and when I did, my mother was angry, bitter and mean about it. She made it very hard to keep loving him- but I did.

There is hope, but it would be much easier if all the adults remembered that the children's needs are paramount.

Sorry it took me so long to write that OP that you had added some more info.

Your XH isn't helping his case. In my case, my stepmother was very decent- she was around, at times, in an unobtrusive way, but we saw my dad without her, even after they had been married for some time. It was never a given that she would be there.

Your XH needs to realise that what he's doing isn't the way to get what he wants.

Hi I actually have 3 dcs. Eldest is 23, youngest is 18. My ds did saw his dad at Christmas. His dad doesn’t treat him any better but he is far more easy going than my dds. I genuinely believe the OW, now wife, Is kinder to him as he is a boy/man. I know it might sound paranoid but my eldest dd looks like me and both my dds, especially dd1 were Daddy’s girls. They don’t speak to ex h at all now.
The youngest 2 went to his wedding. Dd1 didn’t go as her dad told her she had to pay for her own meal as she was 18 and a full time student. I arranged to do something with her that day. My youngest dd didn’t go to the evening do as her father told her she had to make her own way there. She was 14.
I have a great relationship with them as does my dh who they adore. All 3 came to our wedding and I paid for it all.