Can someone older and wiser give me some advice please ??

[Laurapink0]

I’m 20 and a Christian. In the circles I move in we get married young and it’s pretty much a goal for most. I KNOW that this will be an unpopular opinion on here but I promise it’s all completely consensual, respectful and loving.

I would realistically like to be engaged in the next 3 years but I’m completely single. I’m saving myself for marriage and can only really date a Christian guy with the same intentions and desires as myself.

Before I continue I’d just like to make it so clear I don’t think I’m above anyone or judge anyone for making different choices to me. Most of my friends are not waiting for marriage and my best friend even wants to become a sex therapist and has regular threesomes and we both love eachother a lot, just we want different things.

So I’m at about the stage I’m needing to find a husband but this is hard because I’ve just moved to a new city and can’t really meet people. However from some social media stalking I’ve noticed that there’s a very attractive single man who goes to the church I want to join. I know he’s single because he liked a tweet a few days ago about not wanting to be single anymore ( I know STALKER, but I promise it’s what everyone my age does haha). However, I can’t meet him right now obviously.

I’m basically asking advice from yous because there will be a lot of people on here with more life experience and wisdom than me in terms of relationships.

I’ve found his Instagram (lol stalker) but it’s private and we don’t have any mutuals. To follow it would make it obvious I’ve searched it up. We only have 2 mutual friends on Facebook so it’s too obvious to send him a friend request as well.

So, I’m just wondering what you think I should do in terms of trying to start a conversation with this guy ? I find him very attractive and he ticks a lot of boxes, obviously I’m not thinking anything about marriage yet but I think we would both be dating with the same intentions and I’d love to get to know him... just not sure the right way to go about it

Also MORE social media stalking sorry haha but I could see he has an ex and I look quite like her so I’m thinking I’m his type anyway ? So maybe he wouldn’t mind an Instagram follow anyway ? Idk ahhahaha overthinking this

Ok so for starters - you know nothing about him. He may be lovely - he may be an arse. However if you are planning on joining his church, why can’t you get to know him there?

Alright first thing is do not build this guy up in your mind because you do not know him. Just because he goes to the same church as the one you want to join does not mean you're compatible or even that he wants to settle or maybe he is seeing someone, who knows just don't put your eggs in one basket.

I'd say follow him or reply to his tweets. I think twitter is the best way to come "come across" tweets since tweets can be liked or retweeted by anyone. I'm a strong believer in women shooting their shot so I say go for it but in the meantime stop stalking him and try and get to know him.

Also, be prepared for him to not like you or you not like him. You'll get married when its your time when you've met the right guy. Dont put too much pressure on yourself to get married young because that's what you've been conditioned. I have friends in their 30s still single and still looking for the right guy, they're Christian and are also abstinent until marriage so go easy on yourself

@Tier4billion

Ok so for starters - you know nothing about him. He may be lovely - he may be an arse. However if you are planning on joining his church, why can’t you get to know him there?

Yeh he might be lovely or horrible which is why I said I’m interested to get to know him 🥰

And church is streamed on YouTube for the foreseeable with nothing in person except for fortnightly zoom where we don’t go to breakout rooms or anything so don’t get to meet people

@Tiddlewinks9274

Alright first thing is do not build this guy up in your mind because you do not know him. Just because he goes to the same church as the one you want to join does not mean you're compatible or even that he wants to settle or maybe he is seeing someone, who knows just don't put your eggs in one basket.

I'd say follow him or reply to his tweets. I think twitter is the best way to come "come across" tweets since tweets can be liked or retweeted by anyone. I'm a strong believer in women shooting their shot so I say go for it but in the meantime stop stalking him and try and get to know him.

Also, be prepared for him to not like you or you not like him. You'll get married when its your time when you've met the right guy. Dont put too much pressure on yourself to get married young because that's what you've been conditioned. I have friends in their 30s still single and still looking for the right guy, they're Christian and are also abstinent until marriage so go easy on yourself

Definitely not building him up in my mind, literally only did a little bit of stalking last night I’m just a pro haha

Also I’m thinking he’s definitely single or he wouldn’t be liking stuff about being single

And yeh I’m totally prepared for him not to like me haha but I don’t think that should stop me from getting to know him x

DM him. "I'm new to the area and am looking for a suitable church and congregation (I assume you attend additional church groups) and see you attend so-and-so...would you recommend?" Simples.

@Feminem

DM him. "I'm new to the area and am looking for a suitable church and congregation (I assume you attend additional church groups) and see you attend so-and-so...would you recommend?" Simples.

Ooooh this is actually not a bad idea hahahahaha but I’m too shy 🥴🥴😅😅

Also liking a post about being single does not mean in any way shape or form that he himself is single so be prepared that he may not be.

Bite the bullet and send the message now while you think he's single. He could meet someone else if you sit back and remain shy.

Bite the bullet and send him a message. He liked your tweet - I'm betting he thinks your hot and that was his first move.

Send the message!

And update us immediately.

@YouBeYou

Bite the bullet and send him a message. He liked your tweet - I'm betting he thinks your hot and that was his first move.

Send the message!

And update us immediately.

Noo hahah he didn’t like my tweet just ‘a’ tweet lol

I agree with messaging saying you've noticed he goes to whatever church and would he recomment it. You could also ask if the church do small groups/homegroups online during covid and ask who to contact re joining one of them. Hopefully if there is more than one he will suggest his one. You could also ask if the church does anything sociable for your age group in non covid times.
I am a Christian and met my husband through Christian Connection nearly 20 years ago now. You never know, if he is single and looking and lives near you, he may be on a Christian dating website so may be worth looking. You would find out a bit more about his interests etc. Don't rush it or just settle because you feel you must. I was 32 when I met DH and had decided I might be single forever. That did not bother me too much actually as I loved life and my job and travelling the world but a friend signed me up to online dating and the rest is history!!

If he didn't like your tweet, only 'a' tweet, I think it's a bit of a stretch to assume the reason he liked it was because he's single. So, I think caution is advised.

Does the church have a Facebook page? Could you post to it saying you're new to the area and you hope to have a chance to get to know other people from the church. What this should do is alert those of a matchmaking disposition in the congregation that you are on the radar without you needing to say anything too obvious.

@tribpot

If he didn't like your tweet, only 'a' tweet, I think it's a bit of a stretch to assume the reason he liked it was because he's single. So, I think caution is advised.

Does the church have a Facebook page? Could you post to it saying you're new to the area and you hope to have a chance to get to know other people from the church. What this should do is alert those of a matchmaking disposition in the congregation that you are on the radar without you needing to say anything too obvious.

Sorry for the confusion, no, the tweet was about being the only one of your friends who is single and you had to like if you relate so from that I’m thinking he’s single x

Fellow christian here *waves. Lol. First off, I think if you wish to get married young then you really need to be sure to have a long engagement. It can take a few years to get the measure of a person. Also, make sure you read everything you can on how to spot narcissists (and abusers in general).

I'm horrified at the thought of my 23 year old self looking to marry. I would have been so vulnerable. Even though by that point I had seen a bit of mankind's darker side.

God wants you to be safe above all else.
To respect your soul not just your body. Tying yourself to someone you barely know who may ultimately prove to be not a good person...I dont believe god would want this for you. Life is a gift to be cherished with ppl who cherish us. So you have to be so careful.

Unfortunately, claiming to be a christian does not mean they are. I have learned over the years that dark sorts of ppl are often drawn to the church too. Perhaps to feed on the good ones... so you need to be vigilant.

Anyway, as to this lad... there no harm in sussing him out. Just remember, Lucifer was one of gods most beautiful angels. A pretty face is nothing if the heart is rotten. And oh so often, that is the case.

Good luck!

Sorry if that sounded a bit preachy haha. I just hope you stay safe!

Ps: if in doubt in future, consult mumsnet :)

@Wanderlusto

Fellow christian here *waves. Lol. First off, I think if you wish to get married young then you really need to be sure to have a long engagement. It can take a few years to get the measure of a person. Also, make sure you read everything you can on how to spot narcissists (and abusers in general).

I'm horrified at the thought of my 23 year old self looking to marry. I would have been so vulnerable. Even though by that point I had seen a bit of mankind's darker side.

God wants you to be safe above all else.
To respect your soul not just your body. Tying yourself to someone you barely know who may ultimately prove to be not a good person...I dont believe god would want this for you. Life is a gift to be cherished with ppl who cherish us. So you have to be so careful.

Unfortunately, claiming to be a christian does not mean they are. I have learned over the years that dark sorts of ppl are often drawn to the church too. Perhaps to feed on the good ones... so you need to be vigilant.

Anyway, as to this lad... there no harm in sussing him out. Just remember, Lucifer was one of gods most beautiful angels. A pretty face is nothing if the heart is rotten. And oh so often, that is the case.

Good luck!

Thankyou, yes I definitely would be very wary. I would not be going into it trying to get married straight away or anything just getting to know him , thanks again 🥰

When you meet someone, don't rush into marriage because of lust.
My christian friends go married quickly, and most seem to be blissfully happy, but two couples were IME mismatched.
One confided that she was finding married life was hard, but they are still married and seem fine. The other couple are also still married and despite getting married after 6 weeks or so, seem contended, but they are quite different people (education, career and looks-wise).
They are all nice people and I hope they are genuinely contented.

If you find a good community church, it will probably have a pre-marriage course.

@MerryChristmasToYou

When you meet someone, don't rush into marriage because of lust. My christian friends go married quickly, and most seem to be blissfully happy, but two couples were IME mismatched. One confided that she was finding married life was hard, but they are still married and seem fine. The other couple are also still married and despite getting married after 6 weeks or so, seem contended, but they are quite different people (education, career and looks-wise). They are all nice people and I hope they are genuinely contented.

If you find a good community church, it will probably have a pre-marriage course.

Yeh totally, I wouldn’t want to rush into marriage. I definitely think I can go on dates and stuff without any intention of marriage, I don’t know why I spoke about it so much I was more wondering how to get his attention hahaha

I think just talk to him at a church meet sometime. You could make a point of saying 'hello, I'm new here' and introducing yourself. If he is interested he will then go out of his way to talk to you after that :)

@Wanderlusto

I think just talk to him at a church meet sometime. You could make a point of saying 'hello, I'm new here' and introducing yourself. If he is interested he will then go out of his way to talk to you after that :)

Unfortunately theres no church meets whatsoever for the foreseeable, I know I could wait until there is, but I’d rather not haha

Thanks for the advice everyone ! I think I might leave it a wee bit but possibly will give him a wee follow or something soon haha