Is this weird?

[Pillowcase123]

So, my DP and I have been together for almost 4 years, living together for 2. We're early 30s and it's a committed, serious relationship that I think we're both happy with.

But, we've never discussed past relationships or exes - is that weird? I've always come at it from a "it's the past, not relevant to this relationship" but having read some threads today, I'm wondering if that's an odd way to look at things?

Do you/have you discussed your previous relationships with your DP? If so, why and what are the benefits?

For context, I had one serious relationship before we got together, where I was engaged. I have no idea about his romantic past ...

My DP is the same - he blocks me mentioning exes and doesn't mention his. Tbh I don't mind - it's all in the past anyway.

I do find it a bit weird
Neither me nor dh make a regular habit of talking about exes but did briefly discuss them at the start of our relationship and sometimes now if it's relevant.
Neither of us are bothered by the others history.

Thanks both!

I cant see me being bothered about his past or he mine so I guess it's a non-issue - it's just not something I'd considered

Thanks for your input!

Me and DH know about each other's exes. Both of us had lived with someone before but had only had 1 or 2 boyfriends/girlfriends other than that.

I am pretty sure we never sat down and purposely told each other about the exes (we have been married 40 years and I have a terrible memory). They would have just come up in ordinary normal conversation.

I do find it a bit odd to be married or in a serious relationship with someone and not know that about their past but if you are both happy with it then that's fine.

Even now very occasionally one of us may mention the ex we lived with

I would find it a little strange that it hasn't come up in any kind of conversation.

When I've dated online it comes up fairly quickly in convo when you ask how long you've been single etc, obviously not in detail but you discuss how long you were with an ex or if you've been married.
I've had a few long term relationships so there are instances when something I'm discussing (a holiday, outing etc) requires a mention of ex's name or something as part of the story but not mentioned and talked about as a subject on it's own.

My current partner can be abit touchy about me mentioning an ex's name but I dont see why it should be avoided as a passing comment. I have no problem when he mentions an ex in the same way.

Sorry going off point!
Has he ever actively avoided saying anything about it? Changed subject around it etc? If not perhaps he just thinks you dont want to talk about it either, he might think it's weird you havent discussed it too and just hasn't said anything.

Not really, if you're both happy with that then there's no issue. I've been with my husband 12 years and we've never really deliberately discussed exes or sexual partners. I think we've mentioned in passing if anything is relevant, other than that... Who cares??

I'd find it really weird that it had never come up. do you never talk about your past, for example? Has it never come up in conversation?

I don't think there are any particular 'benefits', but to never have spoken about it in 4 years shows a lack of curiosity or needless secrecy. It's as bad as someone banging on about their exes. No-one needs to know 'your number' or every boyfriend from the age of 14 - but people you've spent years with, well, they are a part of what makes you who you are today.

Relationship history also gives you a clue as to how a person will be in your own relationship, and to the relationship lessons they have learned on the way.

Your last statement is like saying 'I have no idea about his previous jobs' or 'I have no idea about his childhood'. When there's a huge swathe of someone's life missing, there's something odd going on IMO.

Thanks for the views.

I should clarify that this is a two way deal, I've never volunteered info about my ex either. Again, nothing shady but it just doesnt seem all that relevant? I think I'd be a lot more concerned if he just spoke about his ex all the time and I guess in me avoiding doing that about my ex, I've gone right over to the other side.

I also have no idea how to deal with this now! 4 years in and having the ex conversation seems very odd after having never done it previously...