How do you feel about your partner's ex? (Normal situations)

[Siw2020]

I'm not talking about crazy ex situations or cheating etc. Just your usual past relationships before meeting the person you settle down with.

Do you(/they) talk about that era of life when you were with a different partner?

Do you just find it uncomfortable? Can't help but compare yourselves? Or happy to discuss it/accept it as a natural part of life.

Also not talking about situations where the ex is a recent ex or you are in a new relationship. More aimed at people who have been together for 5+ years. Thoughts?

I would find it odd if my partner was saying to me that he didnt like his ex's new partner and that he thought HE was better suited to her.
I'd find that slightly odd, too, if that had been how it happened, and not as I described.

I also dont get the need to meet up with exes unless you have kids in common. Like, why would you be meeting up together anyway? why not just leave it in the past?
As I said, they have a load of mutual friends who meet up among themselves. You don't drop your entire group of friends when you break up with someone. Why wouldn't you meet up with your old friends, if you still get on?

I wouldn't think to consider my boyfriend from 14-16, or the one from 17-19, as my ex's anymore, despite them both being 2 year relationships.
How do you think of them, then?

I wouldn't think to consider my boyfriend from 14-16, or the one from 17-19, as my ex's anymore, despite them both being 2 year relationships.
How do you think of them, then?

As I said, I DON'T think about them.

Also, to me, an ex is far more serious than a teenage relationship.
The only person I refer to as my ex is my ex-husband.

I have no feelings nags good or bad towards DPs exes. They have come up in conversation and seen like normal people. His EXWife however, I cannot abide. She is an absolute lunatic and I've never had the misfortune of meeting someone quite like her before

@Chasingsquirrels

I wouldn't think to consider my boyfriend from 14-16, or the one from 17-19, as my ex's anymore, despite them both being 2 year relationships. How do you think of them, then?

As I said, I DON'T think about them.

Yet you have brought them up out of the blue on a thread about exes...

In any case, when my bf split up after this first serious relationship, he was in his early 30s. They didn't get married, but well, it was the 1990s, not the 1950s.

Ok

I’m good friends with a couple of DP’s exes; one I’d count among my best friends. It makes sense - they are women he liked and loved and whose company he enjoyed and they are excellent people; it makes sense that we’d get along because we share a lot of things. They aren’t threats to me, there are good reasons the relationships ended and they’re getting on with their lives with other partners just as DP is. Perhaps part of it is that I’m also good friends with a couple of my own exes so I’m more than aware it’s entirely possible to move on without there being any animosity.

Really interesting thread. Helpful to see so many different approaches to it, that's helped me with one or two things currently with DP.

Me and DP both talk about our ex partners when it's appropriate in conversation. There's no point in pretending they don't exist, because they do.

His most recent ex was a pain in the arse when we first got together, constantly popping round for her 'contact time' with DSS (she is NOT his mother, by the way!) and texting him saying does he want to do x, y, z with her at the weekend, or come out for tea with her in the week - then obviously he'd say yes (he'd say yes to free food from anyone haha) so we couldn't exactly say you're not going. But it was like there were 4 of us in the household.

She's been forced to take a step back thanks to covid, and things are much better and calmer. DSS has since said he only went with her because he felt bad that she was living on her own while we were all here living together .. but I said don't feel bad, hers and your dad's relationship was over a year before we even met (and 'over' much longer than that really, just not officially), it's not as though I've taken her place as there was plenty of time between etc. He seems happier now and doesn't speak to her that much. In fact it's gone the other way round now and we have to remind him to wish her happy christmas, happy birthday or whatever. The poor lad thought her happiness rested on his shoulders because she kept texting him saying she was missing him.

I don't really feel anything. We talk about our ex's but it's only in general conversation when the topic warrants it. It's part of his past and as such is part of him