False promises and social media lies getting to me

[Lemoncurdcrackers]

This is about my relationship with my mum, I'm not sure if its narcissism but my whole life shes had this idea that she is better then others, shes actually a very jealous person. Growing up I developed the same kind of complex and honestly it's taken a lot of self work through my 20s to get away from the mind set that I'm automatically better then others

Anyway, she turned 60 a couple of years ago, shes been overweight for the last 20yrs, she was told this year shes got T2 diabetes. She then started saying she was going to work on it as she wants to help with my child and be there to watch my family grow. She hasnt done anything about it, I've offered countless suggestions but she just wont motivate herself

She spends her time scrolling through social media finding reasosns people are living a life which isnt as good as hers but what's annoying me is shes recently started posting on social media that's shes doing lots of exercise and is super fit. She isnt. She'll post about running 5km which honestly she hasnt done and couldnt do. I then get family asking me about it and I'm forced to lie about how well shes doing

I hate lying and what's more in actually want her to help herself and do better. I cant understand why she wants to lie to the random people on fb, I honestly dont think anyone would care yet she keeps bigging herself up

If I asked her she'd lie to me to and make me feel bad. And god help me if I didnt keep the lies up for her. It's really not something I can have a conversation with her about. All my life any disagreement with her or defying her somehow ends up with me as the bad guy and a terrible daughter. I really dont know how I can help her, she clearly wants to be healthier but cant motivate herself to it. I guess theres 2 issues in this post really, please be kind I feel totally at a loss

Don’t lie about it to other people. Can you just say, I don’t know anything about that? and keep out of it.

If she wouldn’t react well to you confronting her, there is no point.

Don't lie.
'Really? 5k? That's impressive - good for her. I didn't know she had taken up running'

You're right, there are two issues.

The first - you want to help her help herself. Well horrible and all as this is, you can't. She's a grown woman. She has to do it for herself.

The second - you feel bullied into being complicit. You don't have to. Just don't lie. "I didn't know she ran 5k" or "really? I know nothing about it". If she shouts at you for exposing her tell her you're not going to be shouted at and put the phone down.

I know it sounds easy to other people but it's not. It is however necesary. You are not her, you are not responsible for her.

What a horrible situation you’re in. You must remember that you’re important and you don’t need to be dragged into your mum’s lies. So my advice would be to say to your mum (in a nice way) that you don’t want to be involved in her fibs any longer, and when somebody asks about her fitness and weight loss that you simply tell the truth. I know how hard this will be for you, but trust me you will feel so liberated. Good luck 😊

I don't really understand why you're lying for her but I guess it's the family dynamic playing out.

You need to change the way you deal with her. She's got no interest in getting healthy, especially not in order to help with your children. She does have an interest in creating that image both in lying to you that she wants to, and lying on social media. She's performing and reality doesn't come into it.

You need to disengage emotionally and create distance - she's not the mum you want her to be, and never will be.

You aren’t being forced to lie, it is a choice you are making.

This is who your mother is, she doesn’t want to change. The greatest gift you can give yourself is accepting that. Focus on the things you can change, not the things you can’t.

Say you are having a social media detox and are coming off for 6 months(xyz)
She can't bully you there and if any one contacts you saying 'is dm doing blah blah' you can honestly say, 'I don't know.'
It would have bothered me too if my dm had told me to lie and I would have been compliant but conflicted.