Boundaries

[sickofit39]

Hello all nc for this I'm annoyed 😒
So my Dh has been acting weird.He's become cold like a horny teenager and I'm sick of it . I always had a high sex drive and am very liberal but he never really wanted to unless it was hangover sex as he said he's more relaxed. So I went off sex with him as it's all about him. He's obsessed with wife sharing as in me with another man . He has no interest in having another woman join let me make that clear. It's something he's done before and I tried it once with him as I was intrigued but look it's not for me I have zero interest in looking outside my relationship it does nothing for me.His obsession with it is making me angry now . I know he watches it in porn I don't like it but hey I can't police him . Tonight he just put it on for about 2-3 minutes as I was online shopping I'm like wtf ! I didn't say anything but he knows I'm odd . He's become selfish in bed and I feel he thinks women are there to "perform ". In every other aspect he's a good man great around the house , more than pulls his weight is very funny and a general good person .I'm fucking sick of this porn though . Please don't jump in and say leave him it's not an option but I'm struggling to like him lately his behaviour is lewd 😳☹️

Maybe show him it’s all an act with porn. Fake orgasm scene in when Harry met Sally where she just fakes it at the dinner table re-enactment?

@LouiseTrees

Maybe show him it’s all an act with porn. Fake orgasm scene in when Harry met Sally where she just fakes it at the dinner table re-enactment?

Thanks Louise . Unfortunately he's always been into porn I don't see it changing but it gets me down. Like why can't he be interested in fucking sport 😩

Tell him he won’t get any unless he shows you better attention? You don’t need to leave him to do that.

Does he know how the porn makes you feel?
Does he know what you want him to do in bed?
Does he know you think he’s selfish in bed?
Have you communicated that you’re not into wife sharing?
Are there other fantasy ways you can touch on that subject (dirty talk, role play for example) that you’re more comfortable with?
Does he have a sex/porn addiction?

I guess it boils down to two things... You either make it clear you're sick and tired of his constant porn/ fantasies. He then has two choices... He'll either stop, or he'll carry on.
From that point onwards it then really comes down to you accepting it, or leaving.
If you don't see leaving as an option, then you'll have to put up with it, as it's clear he's never going to change.

Hi all thanks for the replies . Yes I have communicated all this to him over the years.He will mostly stop but mostly plays it down like it's nothing . Makes me feel like I'm scolding him per se .
Porn isn't my root issue here I guess it's I feel duped . Every time I leave the house he has to have a look or if I'm in the shower etc ... he's not a trawler of porn as in he doesn't spend hours looking through it , it's the same niche over and over and over .Jesus Christ could he not find a hobby .

Anyone 😩

Well, there's not much to suggest if splitting up is not an option and you have spoken to him about it repeatedly.

He has the cuckold fetish, and fetishes like that don't go away - it's a fixation.

Bromide in his tea?

@category12

Well, there's not much to suggest if splitting up is not an option and you have spoken to him about it repeatedly.

He has the cuckold fetish, and fetishes like that don't go away - it's a fixation.

Bromide in his tea?

Cuckold ! I know and I didn't mind at the start to be fair but 6 years in it's draining.. lockdown has really put a strain on us , kids in the house all the time can't go on a date etc .. my feelings are probably amplified over that and his defence is he's bored over lockdown 😒 how can I leave and break up our amazing family cause he likes that ? He's great otherwise I'm just fed up of his selfishness and there's no talking to him

The tea thing is my next port of call 🤣

Others have already said it all.

He values his kink more than he values you and he has demonstrated that amply.

So you either accept him, kink and all, or you leave.

Or you stay, and keep on being dissatisfied with him and trying to find ways to make him 'get it'. This approach will only bring you unhappiness and will never change him.

Your dead right all of you .
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me , it's not something I can confide in my friends about.
I guess I'm at a cross roads really aren't I
Thanks girls for putting it in perspective x

If you're determined to stay, please don't have performative sex you don't enjoy.

@category12
I absolutely agree I won't for sure . I'm very strong willed and he doesn't like that . He's sulking all day today because it's all come to a head now . I told him I can't and won't be involved in any of this anymore and I'm sick to my back teeth of it . He's thrown his phone up on the fireplace said he's never using it again and he will prove he won't watch anymore porn ... manipulative much ? That's his passive aggressive bull coming to play again tantrumming like a child . Separate rooms all evening now 🙄

If you’re not going to leave him then your only option is to put up with it

@Shoxfordian
Yes .. only that's not my personality unfortunately.
I sense trouble ahead , if he had just bloody been upfront when I met him about this I wouldn't have married him at all . He only told me after our son was born