Do they ever come back?

[SallyAnn32]

Back story - exH left us in Xmas day last year for a colleague at work. She left her family and 2 daughters.

My 2 sons have nothing to do with him and this woman is nothing short of a lunatic.

He’s digging his heels in and keeps telling me how horrible I was to live with - despite him showering me with constant gifts, holidays and us making long term plans including building our own forever home.

He’s so unlike the man I married. He’s changed so much and I’m certain he’s having a breakdown. I know this doesn’t account for morals and I see a common theme in men changing after they leave.

He’s visibly unhappy. I pretend to have moved on and always seem positive but deep down i want nothing more then to get back with him.

Him and the ow do not live together. But still see eachother but not very often as they live in different cities.

So I just wondered - do they ever come back when they realise the grass isn’t greener and actually - life wasn’t that bad!

Yes they do, my dad was practically begging to come he and my mum let him. 5 years later he tormented her out of her own home, she had to live with me for 6 months and now lives in a council house and will not do well put of the divorce because she has a private pension and he doesn't.
Don't let him back op.

Mine tries to come back at various intervals (even though he has a girlfriend who is really lovely). I just laugh each time. He shouldn't have cheated and gaslighted me. He hates seeing me happy. It's so pathetic.

OP it's been ages now. He's shown you how little he thinks of you already. If you get back tog ether you'll be showing your children it's ok to treat women worse than doormats.

You mention seeing someone else. Move on alone first and learn to be happy alone before dragging someone else into this mess.

Grief?

As lemonpiano said ; grief? Or "FOMO," which has just been explained to me, Fear of Missing Out ?

Grief is definitely up there. The stages of bereavement as a counsellor I saw earlier in the year suggested.

FOMO maybe in a normal year that wasn't full of lockdowns like last year. It was a help because I didn't feel like we were missing out on our usual family gatherings, holidays, friend get togethers etc.

I just wish people who have affairs could see into the future for just what amount of damage they cause. 4 children's lives torn apart, 2 families broken, loss of respect throughout their friends, families and workplace...

When I ask him if it's been worth it he never replies.

Whilst I never want to wish bad on anyone, I hope karma is a thing.

It just wouldn't be the same, you're yearning for what you had, that's gone forever.

If he came back you'd hate it, I'm sure.

Sounds like he is testing the waters to see if he has anywhere to go when he leaves the OW . And why would he want to come back to you when you were so awful to live with ?

Your kids won't always be young . They will grow up to be independent and you don't want to be left living with a man who disrespected you so much.

Enjoy the new man, no pressure
Sounds like you are well on the way to achieving a good life for yourself.

He sounds really gross.

@Seafog

He sounds really gross.

He is these days. Totally not the guy I married.

Wish I knew whether he regretted it or not. No matter how much we move on there's some part of me that would love for him to be crying into his cornflakes in a morning. Not that I'm bitter or anything 😂