Sexual touching in presence of children

[Souvlaki]

Would your dh ever touch you over your clothes sexually in the same room as your children were watching tv? How sound you react / feel about this?

This is considered to be sexual abuse OF THE CHILDREN - they are being forced to witness sexual behaviour, which is totally unacceptable.

If you’re not happy about it (which you absolutely should NOT be) it is also sexual abuse of you.

Glad to hear you’re divorcing him. Pervert.

My DP will try and cop a sneaky feel when the kids are out of the room, and we do kiss and cuddle in front of them, but not in a sexual way.

He would react extremely shocked and horrified if I ever suggested this was wbusive. He adores the kids and they him and he did always do this when they were facing the other way watching tv. It did make me very uncomfortable particularly since we had not officially decided to get back together soon felt coerced into sexual activity with him. This is part of the reason I distanced massively from him after the summer and have not discussed getting back together. The reason I had considered it was because I was dog tired and realised my 2nd child also had ASD and I was worried about the future. He is utterly devoted to them emotionally if not doing what he should practically. He has never been able to show me love in any way other than sexual abs I find this really hard now as I’m just not interested. Over the summer when he thought he had his feet under the table he lunged at me in the house kissing me really hard like a drunk sailor - it was really unpleasant abs felt aggressive. My boundaries have been pushed for so long it’s hard for me to reflect back on what was right or wrong but I really heed to do that. He would always act utterly dumbfounded abs offended abs turn things back on me like I was a terrible person whenever I accused him of bullying me - being verbally/ emotionally abusive etc. I need help because he constantly “ wants to talk” abs I need to really know my feelings when I do do I am not left feeling I have deprived two kids with ASD from the father they do love snd forced a precarious contact arrangement which could be traumatic for them. His life is also utterly destroyed as he had no one and I cannot help but feel deeply sad about this. To answer an earlier poster I do not eclectic a perfect arrangement for my kids I don’t care if they eat pizza and watch tv all weekend as long as they don’t fall out if any windows, choke on something etc and if you saw my kids you would see how hard this is as they climb windows try to open them abs put anything dangerous in their mouth etc etc.

OP it doesn’t matter how “horrified” he would be if his behaviour was called abusive - it is abusive.

Exposing children to sexual behaviour is classified as child abuse.

Lunging in and grabbing your crotch or forcefully kissing you without your consent is sexual assault - there’s not even any grey area here where there may be “implied consent” like some couples as you were in the middle of a difficult time in your relationship.

You need to work on getting separate living situations so you’re not in the same house. It’s clear you don’t want to be with him and that he has no respect for your boundaries.

You say you are worried about the effect of difficult contact arrangements on the children but having their mother desperately unhappy and uncomfortable with someone who crosses the boundaries of what should be acceptable will not be good for any of you either.

Not in a sexual way no. He might do a comedy carry on style boob squeeze if they weren't looking but nothing remotely sexual.

No! I would be furious. Would you grab his crotch in front of your children? Of course you wouldn't

No my DH wouldn't do that. Trying to sexually arouse you with your children in the same room is totally inappropriate in my view and concerning.

It wasn’t sexual assault as it had slept with him but I had felt coerced into it as I was so badly wanting to fix things for the children’s sake. Let’s just say my body did not respond abs I was incredibly painful and he said that it was only because I didn’t trust him and that’s why I couldn’t so I stupidly found myself trying to ignore the discomfort so that I could show I did trust him and thereby do what needed to be done to fix things. I felt manipulated after when I thought if it. So the groping didn’t come out if nowhere but was not invited in the context, being in the same room as the kids. He has had tears to say something meaningful to me as I’ve had a really hard time but all I’ve got is innuendo and sex talk from him. It’s sad because I had hoped if he gave me something genuine I could make it work. It’s pathetic. I don’t understand why he is so completely unable to express genuine warmth to me or tenderness only lechery?

Sorry he has had years not tears

He sounds genuinely like he is unable to communicate with you except in a sexual manger. He needs counselling. As you are divorcing, will he leave the house? Has he really nowhere else to go? I don’t think you should tolerate him touching you if you are divorcing. Presumably you’ve told him to get off you? You’re not still sleeping with him, are you? Please tell him that using sexual behaviour in front of the children is sexual abuse. You could easily report him to the police for this.

We are separated abs living apart. This happened when we had trial couple of weeks of him living in the home I have moved to with my children. I have a house because I had an inheritance which was safeguarded in the divorce and he has a small flat 1.5 hours away which is rented abs unsuitable for the kids so I have had him in my home each weekend visiting the children. It’s been hard getting him to take them out as often they would rather stay in with him abs they are very hard to manage singlehanded out and about. I have facilitated these visits packing everything up for him packed lunches etc ( for the kids sake not his) . However if I’m not “nice “ to him or complain about how exhausted I am he then is unpleasant. It infuriates be that he has accused me of being@ obstructive” in relation To him seeing the kids when I have had him in my home to visit snd often been very uncomfortable or had to go out when ive been exhausted to avoid him. I have done this because the kids are young autistic and vulnerable and it’s very hard on them and up until now my ex has claimed that he is unable to have them at his because his flat is so small ( poor him I got that big house ) even though the money I got my house with was nothing to do with our marriage. He is very bitter about my having protected assets I held on to and seems to feel he should have had something of them. He has a high paying job but no savings but he has that security. When he gets the sense now that sex is off the cards he starts harassing me about “ talking” about arrangements for the kids.‘I know this is done to stress me. He seems to hate me and want to sleep with me. I just don't understand.‘I feel scared of him and sorry for him at the sane time . Is really hard because without each other we have no one. I am utterly without support or a network. I know I will never have another relationship with my two very demanding autistic children and I’m over 40 and can never get out even if I didn’t feel like most men are awful. That’s why I had this trial of him staying over the summer but I know his behaviour is not that of a man who genuinely loved me.