Can't get him out of my head.

[Readysteadyburst]

I was ghosted 4 months ago by a man who I was with for 6 months and for the life of me I cannot get him out of my head.

I'm over the crying, hurt, upset stage but I literally wake up thinking about him and really do miss him, which makes me think that I cared more than I should have or is it just the fact I didn't get any closure on the relationship that is making me think about it even more?

I want to message him or call, but know I'm wasting my time and energy. I really need help here

Don't get in touch with him whatever you do. Although it really hurts now, in future when you've moved on, you'll have more clarity on the situation and see that a guy like this isn't worth it. He's treated you badly, don't settle for this.

I won't contact him even though every inch of me wants to, as he has treated me like trash.
I still feel like I need to know why!

If he wanted to tell you why he would have.
Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet, you don’t want a relationship with a man who can’t communicate or who is a coward.
Have you deleted/blocked his number? Do that if you haven’t and in time he’ll be a distant memory

I can tell you why. Because he’s not a good man. A good man would have had the decency to end things properly and tell you that he wasn’t happy. A cowardly arsehole ghosts someone after 6 months.

Google Limerance and see if that describes how you feel. There are coping strategies to help you deal with that.

We’ve all been there. What you’re feeling is normal. It will pass. You’ll find someone better. It’s always darkest before the dawn.

You could try EMDR.

Is there anything that's still fuelling your thoughts of him? Eg: are you still seeing his posts on FB ?

@Readysteadyburst what do you mean he ghosted you?
Just blocked you and never spoke to him again?
Or broke up with you?

Cause if I was dating someone I would of made sure I found out why or called him a few names

@Redflaggs he just completely cut contact, no call or message to say he's dumping me. We was in the middle of a conversation, I sent a message and never heard from him again. He's ignored all calls and messages since that day.

@happinessischocolate I don't know, I deleted him off all my social media for that very reason, so I couldn't see him.

OP I'm in a different situation but still struggling to get over someone 4 months on who is still totally in my head. Last night I made the conscious decision to leave him in 2020, I stupidly whatsapped him but then deleted the message. I also checked his facebook for the very last time then blocked him there so I can't see the loved up pics of him and his girlfriend. I feel its given me some closure as it was like saying goodbye to him, even though he wouldn't have a clue as I'm not on his radar. I've made a massive effort today to not think about him and find acceptance.

What I'm tring to say is maybe see the new year as a time to leave him behind and start afresh, don't allow him into your life or thoughts in 2021.

Have you tried the writing a letter of everything you feel about him and then burning it? Maybe even a couple of letters if the first one doesn't work and then as PP says, leave him in 2020

@Readysteadyburst

Wow that is crazy! I've obviously heard of ghosting but i didn't actually know people did it like this.

Were you able to check his SM?...

It probably feels like unfinished business which is why it is playing on your mind.

And as horrible as the situation is, even if he did tell you ( which I honestly don't think it's got anything to do with you - it's a him issues)

You would still have been hurt, have more questions and probably not get any real answers.

My ex was telling me this and that but it was all bullshit.

I'm mean of course I would have been hurt and upset, but I genuinely didn't think he was the type of person to do something like that.

I don't feel as if the relationship was one sided right up to the moment we we're messaging everything was going well.

I'm not saying it was perfect, but you know when you just meet someone and click and things just flow easily and naturally?! There was no pressure from either of us to rush things, it took us a while before we slept together, there had been no arguments, his last message was "your voice sounds amazing 😍 do you want me to bring you dinner?" I'd been put the night before and was a bit hungover and he was coming to mine, have never seen him again.

Sorry I didn’t read your post correctly. You were dating him for six months and he just basically just bolted mid convo?

That’s weird. I’d have been round at his door to door to him.

The fact that you’d been out the night before and he blocked you mid convo makes me think he’s thought you were out with some other guy or something and that could be due to something you said or something he thought you said but didn’t.

After six months of a relationship though I’d still have been conversing a bit more with him to make sure there was no misunderstanding.

I think there is more to this story than meets the eye.

Why didn't you ask him at the time?

Take it you know for sure he hasn't been flattened by a bus or something?

Presuming you do, in situations like that the most common scenario is that the persons in the rebound and has gotten back together with their ex.

Or has had more than one person on the go, and decides to go for one for some reason.

Or is not truly single and has to drop their unknowing affair partner for somee reason.

Are you sure he's alive?

It sounds like you're in the habit of thinking about it/him and you need to break that.

This happened to me. Seeing eachother since summer and literally was supposed to meet him on Black Friday as we were both on a night out (not 2020!). We'd arranged so I rang him and nothing. Firstly assumed he'd just got carried away on night out but then it got into Christmas and just ignoring me completely. I deleted his number and left it after a week of trying, which I shouldn't have done but I just couldn't understand it. Months later he pops back up turns out he had got back with his ex and couldn't be brave enough to just tell me. Barely even an apology mind and just expected to message me like 'hey'. It is so hard and the non closure is shit but no repsonse is closure really. Ive come to learn that as they won't give it so you have to create it for yourself. It's just hard to understand why they can't just be honest but there you go!

Also forgot to add I always thought of him too and literally just stopped when he'd pop back up.. a few times months apart. So my advice would be to block as if he did by the chance do this it just sets you back in the thought process again x

Oh he's definitely still alive and breathing, I was worried at first and considered going to his house but then he read my messages so knew he was just ignoring me.

He definitely didn't think I was out with another man, it was a friends birthday which he was invited to and coming with me, but couldn't make it as he had his DC that weekend at short notice.

He could well have got back with an ex or be with someone else, who knows?!

I definitely don't want to be with him anymore as I feel so disrespected by him, that I couldn't ever give him another chance. It just strikes me as odd for a person who was from the very start i believed to be open and honest to do something so horrible.

I think I am in the habit of thinking about him, especially in the mornings as we used to facetime when we both got up, so I kind of got used to seeing his face.
It doesn't bloody help that i have absolutely nothing to do after losing my job, so I'm at home constantly thinking about it whilst not actually being able to do anything.