I walked out of my girlfriend’s last night. She called after me but I was so fed up i kept going. She sent me a breezy text to say ‘sorry it’s ended like this - I’ll get your things dropped off’ which felt dismissive and mean to me.
We’ve been together four months, it’s been intense and very loving. We share so much, we get on so well, she makes me laugh, she’s extremely generous, looks after me, lets me look after her. I like her friends, she likes mine. I’ve not introduced her to my children yet, but we wanted to at some point and were thinking about a future together.
I think she’s never learned to manage conflict, and I think I can be a bit insensitive. This week she brought up how annoyed she was with me about a few things (really minor, thinking I wasn’t sharing food, that we’re not compatible because I don’t like animals (I do!) - this is often stuff that is demonstrably not true, and last night was about money - she said the way I speak about it is disgusting, I’m someone who plans financially and it clearly touched a nerve for her - and me tbh).
Usually when she snaps, she takes a while, then I ask if we can talk about it and it comes up that something I did reminds her of something someone else did, or that she is frightened of how she feels about me and wanted to push me away in self-destruction.
I’ve encouraged her to share her feelings calmly or with humour, to be assertive with me so she doesn’t feel pushed over - resentful - angry. She agrees, we communicate, it feels great and this works well, then it happens again and I’m so lost and sad.
I feel like it’s a lot of work to keep going through this cycle. I’m afraid I’ll never feel love like this again, but is it worth it? Do you think we could become more compatible, is there something we could do to be together? I don’t know if she wants me back, and part of me wants to run for the hills. The other part thinks this is someone I love dearly, I know what the issue is and it’s worth working with.