Relationship after having a baby in lockdown

[Foodx123]

We had our daughter in July and we were so in love. It was like a spark came back and I needed him more than ever after my traumatic birth.

6 months down the line I am 200 miles away from my family and friends and we live with his parents. I am 23 and he's 25 so we are a very young new family to a beautiful little girl.

However, my partner works 60 hours a weeks, night shifts. He gets back around 8:30am and stays up until midday and then sleeps until 7/8 when he gets ready and is back out again. I feel sad and alone and our relationship is failing. I don't even want to spend time with him because he's always on his phone nowadays. He's always been obsessed with his phone. It was our anniversary yesterday and we are in tier 4. I made us fillet steak and I got stressed out, it didn't feel relaxing, it didn't feel like we were spending time together. We went upstairs to talk and have a laugh but as soon as I asked for a back rub which I NEVER get ever he refused again. It upsets me that small things he won't do for me? This whole covid thing is already messing with my emotionally and I don't know what to do with myself. I've started hobbies which I've now had to drop. My motivation is very low, my self esteem is low. I had an amazing year despite covid as I was offered a degree in paramedic science for September, my job has given me the opportunity to work from home. It's amazing but I keep questioning "will it even work" my partner won't even change our daughters nappy. :(, she's breastfed but has a bottle a day. I don't even think he knows how to do that.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby. You must prioritise yourself do the paramedic degree. That gives you a training that’s exemplary and in demand and ability to earn money

Your man is a father he has responsibility he need to step up,change a nappy and care for his baby
It’s these acts that aid bonding & attachment. Your baby knows it’s loved and safe. The parent knows they respond to baby needs

Have a serious talk to him,he needs to share,be a parent and support you both

It was like a spark came back and I needed him more than ever after my traumatic birth.

I don't even want to spend time with him because he's always on his phone nowadays. He's always been obsessed with his phone.

These are the two things that jumped out at me. What do you mean, the spark was “back”? Were you having problems before the baby and she was a surprise? Also, you’re upset about his phone usage, then say he’s always been like this. Were you hoping he’d change once the baby got here?

Unless men are really active participants in planning for a child (and I mean they REALLY actively want one, don’t mind giving up their own hobbies, personal time, and family money for a baby), you’re going to have issues and you can see those issues on these boards every day, from partners who never get up in the night even when mums are hysterically tired to partners that are always putting something before the baby (phone, Xbox, mates, hobby, etc) to partners who believe mum should pay for nursery all from her own wages.!

You need to talk to him but as it sounds like he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong AND he’s just being the same person he’s always been, I don’t know how much success you’ll have of it.

On the bright side, though I know it doesn’t feel like one right now, you do still have a network of friends and family 200 miles away that you can go and stay with to either give yourself time to think for a bit or a fresh start.